So I'm Color Blind

give thanks...or not

2011-09-13T08:38:00.000-07:00

So, I have been thinking a little bit about some simple little things that could potentially change the world. Things like manners...being servant minded... and gratitude. It just seems like these easy little things are the stumbling blocks we frequently are tripping over. Gratitude is defined as the state of being thankful but even more importantly it is the backbone of the Christian life and our witness to others. We should live in...practice...and reflect...extreme gratitude at all times...but, we forget...a lot. I have ofter wondered why people just cannot express gratitude in the face of overwhelming generosity both from God and others. I have personally witnessed ingratitude so many times from those who should know better. We all slip...we all fall down...but to habitually live a life with a sense of entitlement and lack of graciousness is an insult to God who provides all that we have. It reflects fear and lack of walking in complete faith and surrender to God. It does, in fact, insult me when someone is rude or selfish or shows disrespect or when their lack of manners is painfully obvious. However, it does not change me when someone is living in total opposition to who they say they are and it is apparent to me and most everyone else. That one is between them and their God. Adopting gratitude shapes our attitudes...feelings...and thus our actions. When we withhold our gratitude and generosity from others we are, in effect, withholding it from God. Clearly, this is not what He intended and Jesus was very busy teaching us this all the time of His earthly ministry. Selfish, self serving, and egocentric and insecure people will not be blessed and are to be avoided. You simply cannot serve others and give even the simplest...thank you...when you live like this. It is a deception cleverly crafted by the devil and he allows you to operate within the confines of this mirage until it collapses in on you...and, trust me...it will. It will hurt, be painful...unexpected...and you will be mad. You will be really mad...at God, of course. You probably will never consider...even for a minute...that you had a hand in the resulting mess. Just as important as the necessity of gratitude being incorporated into an effective witness is, it is also very important to your overall sense of well being and self actualization. There have been numerous studies that have aptly demonstrated a strong relationship between being able to express gratitude and good mental health. It is perhaps too obvious a fact that selfish and self absorbed people cannot neither be thankful or giving and generous to others. I am totally convinced that someones reluctance to give is based on their fears and ignorance. We like to hold onto stuff and amass things and those things define who we are and we waste a lot of time guarding our pile. It is always both sobering and telling when there is a natural disaster, such as a tornado or flood, and everything material is lost in a blink of an eye. How do we respond? Do we mourn the loss of things or do we see this as an opportunity to refocus on what really is important? Jesus said,
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
What is it that you deem as valuable in your lives, because what you deem as valuable shows you where your heart is? Perhaps it is money and wealth or maybe it is power and the desire to be recognized as a leader or have fame or admiration of others or maybe it is looking religious and holy on the outside so that people think you have it together even when you don't. Maybe it is popularity and acceptance through nice clothes, your home, or all the trappings of that kind of life...cars, boats, etc. Maybe it is your perfect appearing family and how you have raised great kids in the right schools playing the right sports with the right friends. It's all temporary and can be gone literally in minutes...before you even have a chance to respond or react. Here, Jesus is calling us to change our minds from the temporary to the eternal, from the things that are passing by to the things that are permanent. And to get this you have to understand the whole concept of gratitude and thankfulness...no matter how much or little you have. A way to show that gratitude is to share with others who are less blessed than yourselves. It honors others...but more importantly it honors God. There is one thing that I know that is absolutely true and that is God blesses those who bless others...

“Our most valuable possessions are those which can be shared without lessening-those which, when shared, multiply. Our least valuable possessions, on the other hand, are those which, when divided, are diminished”.

the prodigal dad...

2011-05-31T04:40:00.000-07:00

"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. "The son said to him, `Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. ' But the father said to his servants, `Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.” Luke 15: 20-24

In probably one of the most well known and frequently cited parables of the bible we celebrate the return of something thought lost forever...a beloved son. The unimaginable joy of a father seeing his rebellious son come home...sheer bliss. However, as we all know, sometimes these stories are illustrations of a larger story that Jesus is trying to tell us in a very cryptic way. I love the visuals and the mental imagery created by this story and as a father I can both appreciate and relate here. The bigger question for me is...what about the son that refuses to relent and come back? What about the dad that continues to watch...and wait...and hope to see his son “a long way off” because of alienation of his own doing? I am that dad...the prodigal dad. In the weirdest reversal of roles in this story and the most cruel twist possible I have turned this parable of Jesus upside down. It's not easy to say I had a hand in this but the reality is it's mostly my fault and sometimes that is hard to swallow. It seems like the things we do to ourselves are the things that make us the maddest. One thing necessary to be a good dad is commitment...commitment to being present both physically and mentally. Like many fathers who fall short I was lacking on that one thing that is necessary to keep a family together. There is no magical formula that makes things come together and stay together...it is a lot of work. Unfortunately many of us dads have a tendency to give up when the going gets tough. And... when the going gets tough...we leave...we walk out. Once out, it becomes really hard to come back and be present in the way we should. We become part-time dads at best. We come and go as we please and drift in and out of our kids lives without thought of the consequences. The consequences are there is no stability...no consistency...and eventually no trust. It's easy to be this kind of dad and many of us do it. I never imagined the example I was setting and the kind of long lasting damage inflicted because of my ignorance and irresponsibility. The ultimate realization of that fact only makes us run farther away...and I did. A significant problem is that despite many claims to the contrary...there are no instruction manuals for dads. Even if there were we probably wouldn't look at them anyways...we are kind of bad about that. We believe we can figure it out on our own and the weight of the type of father we had bears down heavily upon us and the weight of their fathers on them. Unless one had a stellar atypical perfect father who got it from the outset...we fumbled along with their failings as well. I am well familiar with the toll on society as a whole as well as individual relationships. It is a cost that we all are bearing in one way or another. I certainly am not making excuses for myself or anyone else. Things are different now...I am different now. I am the father waiting with the best robe, ring and I know someone with a fattened calf. Apparently there is a lot of truth to the maxim...like father, like son. Many times we both are waiting for the same things...the long and awaited and anticipated homecoming. Sadly, our stubbornness and inexperience with grace, forgiveness, and redemption makes the reunion especially awkward. So many expectations...fears...and things to be said. Trust comes back on it's own time and cannot be rushed. Hope is slow to emerge from the protection where it has lived for a long time. This all is an agonizing and difficult process...but faith dictates that both father and son wait...and watch carefully to see the other coming back...from a long way off...

Speaking: The Hero...

2011-05-30T05:57:00.000-07:00

Speaking: The Hero

I did not want to go.

They inducted me.

I did not want to die.

They called me yellow.

I tried to run away.

They courtmartialed me.

I did not shoot.

They said I had no guts.

I cried in pain.

They carried me to safety.

In safety I died.

They blew taps over me.

They crossed out my name

And buried me under a cross.

They made a speech in my home town.

I was unable to call them liars.

They said I gave my life.

I had struggled to keep it.

They said I set an example

I had tried to run.

They said they were proud of me.

I had been ashamed of them.

They said my mother should be proud.

My mother cried.

I wanted to live.

They called me a coward.

I died a coward.

They called me a hero.

by Felix Pollak

excuse me...for getting in your way...

2011-05-27T10:59:00.000-07:00

“What gives you the right to look at me with disdain and talk to me like I don't matter?”... “Who in the world do you think you are to dismiss me so quickly?”... “Did you ever...for a second...think that I have a story to tell and that...damn...it matters?” I am sure that at some point in my life I have caused someone to think these very thoughts...and I am sorry. You see we have this problem...we are selfish, self absorbed and generally feel entitled and ok with being rude and dismissive with people that get in our way. It happens every minute of every day...right now. Contained within the core essence of our being is this incessant need to be first...right...cool...hip...edgy...trendy...quirky...I think you get the idea. Anyone else who doesn't fit into our self defined category is basically...well...of little concern or useless to us. There is a fundamental disconnect between who we really are and who we think we are. We allow these boundaries and lines we draw to separate us from one another and...what separates us from one another separates us from God. Feeling superior to someone or refusing the simplest kindest act is totally incompatible with being loved and forgiven by a loving God and receiving grace. How dare us receive what we are not willing and freely able to give to others. How arrogant to withhold what God has given as if it is some kind of contest to accumulate the most grace in order to be holy and religious. Perhaps you have a skewed view of religion and your own personal theology is standing in the way of changing someones life.

“A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, ‘Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.’ Jesus reached out His hand and touched the man.‘I am willing,’ he said. ‘Be clean!’ Immediately he was cured of his leprosy.” Matthew 8:2-3

This unfortunate victim of leprosy was an outcast...an untouchable... and because of that he deemed himself unlovable. He was additionally burdened and stigmatized in his community as an outcast by being required to call out “Unclean, Unclean” as he walked the streets where he lived. This was to ensure that no one would come too close to him and possibly risk contracting this dreaded disease as well as become religiously unclean which was a huge taboo in that day. Can you imagine, for one second, if people we felt to be untouchable had to do that today? So, the leper was a social outcast, having lost everything of value to him. He lost his family, his friends, his sense of value and any interaction with others in his immediate community including his church and others who were non-lepers. He was left totally without hope...he is socially and physically isolated and alone... He is desperate and has nowhere else to turn...dead end. And, in his abject desperation, despair and suffering... he calls out to Jesus. It seems like in our most desperate hour... in our last ditch grasp for anything to relieve this misery many of us call out to Jesus. Perhaps faith and desperation are more closely linked than we sometimes give credit for. The interesting thing to note in this parable is the fact that the disenfranchised leper asks not to be made well or healed , but rather to be made clean. He takes a huge risk and asks Jesus for something that not only restores him physically, but that also makes him able to enter society again. As with many of us, this leper was seeking redemption and restoration and not necessarily wellness. If Jesus did this for him, it would change his entire life. He would not just be well, but for the first time he could be whole. However, the most shocking and controversial part of Jesus’ interaction with the leper is the idea of being touched. Jesus gets close to him, gives him his undivided attention and then reaches out and in this touch Jesus risks becoming physically infected while at the same time fully making Himself religiously unclean. Jesus touch would have been considered horribly offensive to the religious people. He not only broke the rules, but he also put Himself at serious risk. What was He thinking to take a risk like that? He put Himself in harms’ way to do something that wasn’t even necessary for the leper’s physical healing. So, why touch the leper? The touch becomes a huge paradox...an exchange was made in that second. That which was considered hopelessly untouchable becomes clean and Jesus takes on the “uncleanness” of the lepers disease. Jesus was not afraid and showed no fear...hesitation..or judgment...So, the question becomes...why do we? Mainly out of fear and ignorance and putting self interest before others needs. I just offer the following prayer I found to remind us when we are feeling self important...

Jesus, help us to keep our focus on you and to always reach out to those who have been overlooked and outcast. Help us to not walk past those who are in need. May we touch the untouchable in your Name and impart value to those who are cursed. May we incarnationally be you to those who are literally and figuratively marginalized and diseased. And, may we always be open to your leading in cooperating with you in bringing total restoration to those who are desperately without any hope…except for You. After all, while the circumstances looked totally different, that was me too...diseased...broken and desperately without any true hope…except for You.

the silent killers...

2011-05-24T06:37:00.000-07:00

It started with a headache...You see, I never...well, hardly ever...get headaches. In fact, I am rarely sick at all. When I do get sick, though, there are several problems that immediately arise. Being a nurse one tends to diagnose themselves with every imaginable disease and condition. I have had all sorts of ailments from various cancers to brain tumors. I think just having the knowledge of illnesses and what can go wrong in the body is dangerous if in the wrong hands...like mine. So, these intermittent headaches got my attention because I am of the belief that any time your head hurts that is a sign of some sort of problem. Usually I use the process of elimination just like doctors do except they fancy it up and call it differential diagnosis. It seriously is just an educated guess under the best of circumstances. So, I eliminated hunger...thirst...and stress as the provoking factor in how I am feeling lately. The other issue as a man is we adamantly refuse to go to a doctor unless on deaths doorstep. So, being a man and a nurse I am doubly doomed. I sometimes have the bad habit of living in denial of an obvious truth until it becomes a crisis issue. So, the other day at work, I was feeling unusually tired for early in the day and the nagging headache was creeping back. I felt hot and flushed even though it was comfortable in my office. I went to the bathroom and looked at my face in the mirror and to my surprise saw I was as flushed as could be. I had a rosy glow that resembled an early summer sunburn. I thought to myself...maybe I should take my blood pressure. So I did...imaging my horror when I saw the numbers 158/103 flash on the machine. My immediate reaction...that can't possibly be right. So, I rechecked it...and again...and again...switched arms...no change. I was stunned. My blood pressure almost always is around 110/60...or should I say...has been. I tried to finish my work but needless to say...this was weighing very heavy on my mind. I came home and drank a lot of water to rehydrate and hopefully bring it back to normal. My wife came home and I told her about it and we rechecked it...no change. I asked her “when do you think it will come down?” and she said, “I don't know”. Not the answer I wanted to hear and she knew that. I rechecked it before bed and the next morning...no change 150/94. I thought...what if it doesn't change? I didn't like the thought of that at all. I thought of the countless thousands of people a day that get some new shocking news in the form of a diagnosis they didn't want or expect. Right on the heels of that came the thought...that's possibly me. Shocking and sobering at the same time. I felt the weight of the denial of a lot of signs and symptoms fall down upon me. Even in the face of solid evidence I still sought to rationalize. This is what we do with many things in our lives...particularly sin. We seem to categorize sin in our lives on a self created sliding scale. The big attention getting sins get top billing and the lesser ones fall in place further along the scale. We measure and compare sins both to themselves and others. In the process we can successfully...at least to ourselves...feel a sense of “well that's NOT that bad” or “I'm not as bad as that guy”. This is a false reality we create and we live in a state of denial until something really bad happens...like your blood pressure staying excessively high. Until the symptoms of the so called little...benign...minor sins become a full blown illness or erupt in a catastrophic manner that wrecks our life we go on merrily ignoring warning signs that God sends your way. It is a ticking time bomb...it's a roll of the dice...it's a huge gamble to live in denial. However, for many of us it's safer that way. We bury into the busyness of our daily lives these seemingly insignificant little sins and totally minimize the cumulative effects and the ultimate tragic outcome which is an ever widening split in our relationship with Jesus. We finally get to the point where He has become something we only know and do not live in all that we do. As I contemplate the possibility of being diagnosed with high blood pressure that requires treatment and lifestyle changes I understand how denial operates in our lives and can make us really sick. This untreated and denied sin is no different...both make us sick and both can kill. So, I'll take the medicine...as bitter as it may be to me. I don't like it...but the consequences of ignoring those signs...whether from your body or from God...isn't something worth gambling on...

rapture anyone?...

2011-05-23T05:33:00.000-07:00

So, apparently the world was supposed to end last Saturday...I spent the day doing most improbable and illogical thing possible in light of that fact...I planted a garden. I don't know anything much about end time predictions really except they really get a lot of attention. Unfortunately the attention always misdirects a lot of people and re-blackens the eye of Christians in general. So, I chose to do the most faith and life affirming thing on the day the world was set to end in violent catastrophe. There is a reoccurring thought that seems to play in my head as I work the soil...plant seeds and plants with the vision and hope for a future harvest. There is no difference in the way we are supposed to live as followers of Jesus. Jesus tells us over and over to plant seeds and to plant them with the vision and hope of a harvest. These seeds are sharing the gospel and our personal stories with others and how Christ has changed us and our lives. We sow liberally without regard to the likelihood of whether the seeds will sprout, take root and bear fruit. The only way to ensure success is to tend that garden we have planted and we do that by being present and attentive to the needs of others that we sow into. It is an investment we make and we should treat is as such and take ownership of it. I always see the direct connection with what I am doing in my backyard garden with what I am doing in the world as a whole. It is merely a microcosm of the larger way we are called to live by Jesus. As I strive to create my so-called Eden...it should mirror the same work on a larger scale to bring that vision to the world in which we live. To do anything less is an issue of faith and lack of understanding of how the kingdom of God gets advanced by us. We are farmers and we are planters and as Wendell Berry says,

“The care of the Earth is our most ancient and most worthy, and after all our most pleasing responsibility. To cherish what remains of it and to foster its renewal is our only hope."

It the most hopeful of things to plant the tiniest of seeds...a lettuce or carrot seed or even a mustard seed as Jesus referenced and wait and watch the potential held within that tiny seed burst forth into the thing that God designed it to be. There is a powerful healing that takes place inside of us when we see this transformation before our very eyes. It's no different than the seed of the gospel that we plant within someone when we share our personal stories of faith and redemption and restoration. How could you be so arrogant and selfish and self absorbed that you wouldn't want to do that for someone? I don't know. However, I do know this...all of the end times talk is pale and insignificant when compared to the incredibly simple way that Jesus has shown us how to grow this amazing garden...I don't know about you...but I have a lot of work to do right now...it's planting season... but seriously, when is it not?

"we were happy in Alabama..."

2011-04-28T07:44:00.000-07:00

As I sit here and look at images of the utter devastation from the deadly tornadoes in Alabama I am reminded of riding my bicycle in that very area last summer on The 5 Weeks for Freedom bike tour. Birmingham was a destination we all eagerly anticipated at the end of our first week of riding up through Alabama from Mobile. We rode through some of the smallest towns and met and were received by some of the nicest and most genuine people many of us had ever met. Many of our team had never had the enjoyable experience of being on the receiving end of southern hospitality. We were welcomed into peoples churches, homes and hearts. It was a perceptible feeling that is infused into the people of these small towns and easily shared with us as we rode north. Jackson...Linden...Moundville...Vestavia Hills...Pleasant Grove...Birmingham...and all the other small towns between. We became part of your stories and you became part of ours. I remember well...every road...every smell...the light rain coming into Jackson. I remember trying to introduce my teammates to boiled peanuts at one of our many rest stops at gas stations. I remember the prayers prayed over us both for our safety and for the cause of human trafficking which we were riding for. I remember the beautiful soft southern accents as people engaged us in conversation and time after time asked us “you ridin' to where?...New York...sure nuff?”. I remember the incredible hospitality of the people of Moundville and how they came together across denominational lines to hear our message and give generously to our cause. It was a powerful witness to many of our team to see so many people they have never met receive them so lovingly and complete. But..that's the south...and the people of Alabama that I am well familiar with. I have had a long history with Alabama and I lived there as a child while my father was in the Army. Many years later I lived in Montgomery when I worked there as a nurse and in fact, my son was born there. I quite jokingly told my wife I wanted to name him Jefferson Davis. Seriously...just kidding. The thing that the bike team really got to enjoy and was very important to continued riding was...southern cooking. Every church in every town went above and beyond in feeding the team. When you ride bikes all day under the hot Alabama sun you can put away some food at the end of the day. I am pretty sure that some of the team from the north got totally addicted to southern sweet tea. People in the south LOVE to cook and they love to feed people and I can assure you we were fed. I often joked that we were going to have the only bike ride to ever gain weight. I must say that the First Baptist Church at Pleasant Grove was totally over the top on food. As it was the fourth of July weekend they had an old fashioned picnic with so much food it was unbelievable. The icing on the cake there was that several men from the church stayed up all night cooking pork on an outdoor smoker for the food of heaven...pulled pork barbeque. Where we were staying at the church we had to smell that pork cooking all night long. It was amazing. Even with all these memories flooding over me making me smile...I am so sad for my friends and those I don't even know who has suffered loss from this extreme weather. I look at the pictures on the news and it just looks surreal and I am sure that the people there feel the same way. The one thing I do know is that these people are resilient and will recover. It's in their blood...their DNA. They are survivors and have come from a long line of survivors. Many of their grand and great grandparents lived through the civil war. Many of these people had relatives that suffered under the cruel system of slavery...escaping against tremendous odds on the Underground Railroad. This is the exact reason we were riding our bikes on a route approximating that same escape route to the north and freedom. So, seeing this devastation in places we rode through and where people reached out to us in a powerful way...hurts. I don't know why...I can only pray. That's all I can do...just pray. There are no answers so why bother trying to figure it out. As I said in my previous blog, this is the sole realm of a all knowing God. I would never even pretend to speak to this one. It is overwhelming and horrific and tragic and our normal thing is to ask...this is what we do...we ask. I ask too...but not why. I just ask that God will give peace and help those affected to stand firm in their faith and not be moved. Anything else is none of my business...right?

to know the impossible...

2011-04-25T05:34:00.000-07:00

I have pretty much decided that there just are some things that no matter how hard you try you will never know. We are constantly surrounded with mystery and secrets only known to God...and He's not telling. He's not even giving us a clue and that is maddening to many of us. We have this sometimes overwhelming desire...compulsion...to know everything about everything. Back in the day it was a lot harder to know stuff and have instantaneous answers to even the most inane question. Thankfully for most of us we now have Google and a world of answers is at our fingertips. However these aren't really the deep and troubling questions that most of us frequently ponder and wrestle with. We seek answers to even more complex mysteries of faith and peoples erratic behaviors. There have been innumerable volumes written down through the ages from the most dense intellectual treatises to infomercial style self help books to provide answers for challenging questions. The desire to know is the desire to control...and the desire to control is a faith issue. Sometimes I just have to let go and trust that God really does know the answer and has a much more enlarged view of the thing I am struggling to know. I must admit I do have this fantasy of meeting Jesus face to face and asking a few questions that have been bugging me for a long time. “So, Jesus...uh...I have just been wondering about...” Yeah right...There are surely things that God, in His infinite wisdom, just doesn't want us to know. Do you feel sometimes that you just have this one personal or generic question you want answered? I do. I have a big one...pretty personal. I have often wondered what could my dad have possibly been thinking as he sat alone...in darkness...in isolation...and pulled the trigger and ended his life. What overpowering internal chatter must have been going on that night in his head. Maybe it was that chatter speaking loudly to him...to give up. Clearly it spoke louder than any other voice competing for attention. The harsh reality of suicide is that it is one senseless act that many of us have been affected by and we just cannot understand. Well, you cannot understand it until you find yourself in a similar position staring helplessly into the deep abyss of depression and loss. It is a lie from deep in the pit of hell that ending ones life is ever a good or logical solution to anything. It is totally illogical because the thought processes of your brain have been so rearranged that killing yourself feels ok and seems like a good idea at the time. With something so utterly personal there always is so many more questions that in all likelihood will never be answered...but still we ask. “Why would a dad want to leave a son?”...That's a big one...Maybe there is no reason at all...maybe that isn't even a factor ever considered. But the fact is you are abandoned and that affects everything you do...every relationship...for all your life. It just feels like so many times that a lot of things would have been different if I just could have one simple answer. It always reminds me that God knows and I don't...or ever will. How would our lives change if we knew the answers to these difficult and tough questions? I honestly don't think God ever meant for us to know or will allow us to. That's why we got kicked out of the garden in the first place. God knew that if we became as smart and all knowing as Him then we would have no need for Him. If the creation was on par with the creator then we lose our sense of awe and understanding we exist for the divine purposes of the creator. To rise above that and relegate God to an inferior position is what many of us have done by abandoning faith and endlessly seeking answers to unanswerable questions. Our time would certainly be better spent seeking a closer relationship with God and therein lies the paradox. That paradox is the closer we are to God and the more dependent we are on Him the less important it becomes to know the unanswerable things in our lives. It's called faith. The more we let go and allow our faith to strengthen and grow the less important it become for us to control ourselves and our world by being a know-it-all. Resignation and acceptance is a very hard thing for us incorporate into our daily lives. I have struggled with this and it always feels like I am giving up...but giving up what? Seriously, God doesn't need my help...input...or assistance with any pressing personal or world issues. My only hope is that He is humored that I still sometimes want to help Him do his job. I am sure He literally has thousands of consultants and could do fine with one less. We try to go out of our way to make the questions both profound and compelling and I am so sure He is totally humored by that...a lot. However, even the fact I know all of this... it doesn't seem to quench my thirst to understand and know things that God just will never share with me. If it stands in the way of my faith and belief that God knows what is best for me well then perhaps I will never know...it's ok...I still have a piece of that first apple stuck in my throat...

On Turning Ten...

2011-04-20T17:18:00.000-07:00

The whole idea of it makes me feel
like I'm coming down with something,
something worse than any stomach ache
or the headaches I get from reading in bad light--
a kind of measles of the spirit,
a mumps of the psyche,
a disfiguring chicken pox of the soul.

You tell me it is too early to be looking back,
but that is because you have forgotten
the perfect simplicity of being one
and the beautiful complexity introduced by two.
But I can lie on my bed and remember every digit.

At four I was an Arabian wizard.
I could make myself invisible
by drinking a glass of milk a certain way.
At seven I was a soldier, at nine a prince.
But now I am mostly at the window
watching the late afternoon light.

Back then it never fell so solemnly
against the side of my tree house,
and my bicycle never leaned against the garage
as it does today,
all the dark blue speed drained out of it.

This is the beginning of sadness, I say to myself,
as I walk through the universe in my sneakers.
It is time to say good-bye to my imaginary friends,
time to turn the first big number.

It seems only yesterday I used to believe
there was nothing under my skin but light.
If you cut me I could shine.
But now when I fall upon the sidewalks of life,
I skin my knees. I bleed.

Billy Collins

changing weather...changing minds

2011-04-19T06:08:00.000-07:00

Growing up in the Ohio river valley for most of my life there is one thing I know about the weather during the Easter season here...it can be very changeable and dangerous. As a matter of fact Palm Sunday has historically been the day of some of the worst tornado outbreaks in history. There were devastating killer tornado outbreaks on Palm Sundays in 1920, 1965, and 1994 and this Palm Sunday 2011. The temperature swings can be extreme and can vary as much as 40 degrees in 12 hours. It's called unpredictable...changeable... Ohio River valley spring and if you live here you just get used to it. So, why am I telling you all this? Where am I going with this, you probably are wondering, right? Admittedly, this is a big jump here...so bear with me. I got to thinking about how things can be so completely changeable in a short period of time...things other that the weather...things like peoples attitudes and opinions and affections. In light of thinking and reflecting about the essence of Palm Sunday and what it represents in the historical Christian tradition I see some small bit of analogy here. On the Sunday before the resurrection of the crucified Christ...just seven days previous... there was joyous celebration in the air...excitement...and expectancy as the King of the Jews rode into Jerusalem. People lined the road and crowds gathered and many jockeyed for a position in order to get a better view. As told in Matthew 21,

“And when they drew nigh unto Jerusalem, and were come to Bethphage, unto the mount of Olives, then sent Jesus two disciples, Saying unto them, Go into the village over against you, and straightway ye shall find an ass tied, and a colt with her: loose them, and bring them unto me. And if any man say ought unto you, ye shall say, The Lord hath need of them; and straightway he will send them. All this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet, saying, Tell ye the daughter of Sion, Behold, thy King cometh unto thee, meek, and sitting upon an ass, and a colt the foal of an ass. And the disciples went, and did as Jesus commanded them, And brought the ass, and the colt, and put on them their clothes, and they set him thereon. And a very great multitude spread their garments in the way; others cut down branches from the trees, and strawed them in the way. And the multitudes that went before, and that followed, cried, saying, Hosanna to the son of David: Blessed is he that cometh in the name of the Lord; Hosanna in the highest. And when he was come into Jerusalem, all the city was moved, saying, Who is this? And the multitude said, This is Jesus the prophet of Nazareth of Galilee.”

As with everything Jesus did there was much symbolism embedded into this very act of riding into Jerusalem. Even the unlikely choice of riding in on a lowly donkey was a subliminal message to those who understood these things. In this time it was customary to honor someone worthy of the highest respect by covering their path they were traveling with palm leaves and sometimes their garments. This day was no different as people laying their palm fronds created a green leafy carpet for every step of the donkeys foot. Actually the very act of riding a donkey was controversial as Jesus never rode anywhere. Additionally, this was considered a mission of peace as opposed to riding a horse which would be considered warlike. The ever increasing crowd was going wild...singing...shouting...cheering. Hosanna...Hosanna...Hosanna! Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord. And then...in the period of 5 short days...the weather radically changed in Jerusalem. Dark heavy clouds gathered on the horizon signaling an upcoming storm that was about to change everything...forever. The adoring crowd has now become an angry mob. Their fickle affections had now turned to a murderous rage. The exact same people who were welcoming Jesus into Jerusalem days ago were not calling for Him to be killed. KILL HIM ! ...replaced Hosanna...every imaginable gesture of distain and hatred replaced the raised hands of adoration only days before. Cursing... beating... spitting... was what greeted the King now. How unimaginable that the tide of public opinion and welcoming acceptance would shift so violently and unexpectedly in a few short days. As they say...the weather took a dramatic turn...and was about to get worse...

True Love...

2011-04-16T14:50:00.000-07:00

True Love

by Robert Penn Warren

In silence the heart raves. It utters words
Meaningless, that never had
A meaning. I was ten, skinny, red-headed,

Freckled. In a big black Buick,
Driven by a big grown boy, with a necktie, she sat
In front of the drugstore, sipping something

Through a straw. There is nothing like
Beauty. It stops your heart. It
Thickens your blood. It stops your breath. It

Makes you feel dirty. You need a hot bath.
I leaned against a telephone pole, and watched.
I thought I would die if she saw me.

How could I exist in the same world with that brightness?
Two years later she smiled at me. She
Named my name. I thought I would wake up dead.

Her grown brothers walked with the bent-knee
Swagger of horsemen. They were slick-faced.
Told jokes in the barbershop. Did no work.

Their father was what is called a drunkard.
Whatever he was he stayed on the third floor
Of the big white farmhouse under the maples for twenty-five years.

He never came down. They brought everything up to him.
I did not know what a mortgage was.
His wife was a good, Christian woman, and prayed.

When the daughter got married, the old man came down wearing
An old tail coat, the pleated shirt yellowing.
The sons propped him. I saw the wedding. There were

Engraved invitations, it was so fashionable. I thought
I would cry. I lay in bed that night
And wondered if she would cry when something was done to her.

The mortgage was foreclosed. That last word was whispered.
She never came back. The family
Sort of drifted off. Nobody wears shiny boots like that now.

But I know she is beautiful forever, and lives
In a beautiful house, far away.
She called my name once. I didn't even know she knew it.

ringing my (Rob) bell...

2011-04-14T08:01:00.000-07:00

“There are persons who, when they cease to shock us, cease to interest us.”-F.H. Bradley

Things that polarize...sports...politics...and Rob Bell. No...I'm just kidding, Rob...it's really not your fault...it's just that crazy business you're in. What business is that... you might be asking about now, right? The business of polarizing people who look to others not only for leadership but for wholly unoriginal thoughts they then adopt as their own personal theology. It's called religion. Sadly, this business of polarization has become the new normal within Evangelical Christian circles with numerous rock star style pastors espousing positions and posing questions that are basically unanswerable but provoke lots of talk. This talk does little to push forward agenda of Jesus and to rescue the lost and oppressed throughout the entirety of the world. We are far more concerned with defending positions and debating irrelevant fine points of theology. Polarization draws lines...you on your side...me on mine. This isolates us and we seek out others who are not only like us but will support the way we think and believe. I think the term is we become...tribes. We then become black and white thinkers and zealously guard our positions and go on the defensive when questioned or attacked. If you are going to stand up...be the voice... and propose to speak the truth as if you are the sole holder of it you must be open to other possibilities and willing to entertain questions. Any refusal to do that becomes dangerous and toxic for those you assume to speak for. That is exactly how cults come into being. I think it's good and healthy to have open honest dialogue on controversial issues. However this huge dust up with those who want to weigh in on Rob Bells new book, Love Wins, leaves me both confused and sad at the same time. I have tried personally many times to understand why that I need a dense complicated theology in my day to day life of being a witness for the transforming power of redemption in my life. I think I can explain the gospel very clearly and concisely in a way that even those in another culture would understand. We have taken something so simple and easily presentable and hopelessly mired it in lots of theories and concepts that are totally unnecessary. It is like you are wanting to discuss the fine technical points of the breast stroke versus the back stroke to a man who is drowning. Seriously...the guy just wants to be saved...literally. This incessant wrangling and fighting over the most irrelevant minutia of theological and denominational differences does not necessarily drive the gospel forward. I feel like those not secure in their spiritual foundation and having some maturity in their relationship with Christ are the ones who suffer the most. Imagine their confusion and disappointment as their favorite pastor...falls out of favor based on some controversial comments...a book...or even worse. I have discovered this in my many interactions with so called Christians in a lot of different situations. I have come to the understanding that there are far too many of these people who are more concerned about a “chip-on-their-theological-shoulder”...or tooting loudly their doctrinal horn... than they are with broadening and welcoming in new members into the body of Christ. I am constantly encountering Southern Baptist Calvinists who attack non Calvinists. I find Methodists who attack Presbyterians, those who favor one pastor style over another and those who even are divided over worship music. As Christians we are always seeming to be on the attack and critical of anyone or anything outside the narrow confines of our own personal beliefs. If we are so critical of those who believe in God but have fine technical theological or denominational differences how could we possibly ever hope to reach the lost and disconnected? We can't...and we don't. We unfortunately turn many of our churches into a “members only” club and are not welcoming of diversity. Do you think...for a second...that people curious about your faith or church don't see this? We, as followers of Christ are always being watched by those outside of the church. Do I reflect a story of redemption and restoration to someone on the fringes or am I too busy talking and playing church...instead of doing what God desires of me? The whole thing is both ludicrous and disheartening . Sure, we can have civil discussions and there will be differences of opinion and disagreements but it's ok...we need to because we are thinkers and we have opinions. But...let us remember this one important thing... our differences need to be presented in a way that mirrors humility and love. When these differences of opinion and the personalities become more important than unity in the body of Christ, then idolatry has crept not only into the church, but also into our hearts. So, back to Rob Bell...Quite simple put...Rob has become a predictable product which many consume eagerly but actually he never seems to satisfy our hunger. He has discovered a formula that has been working very well for him since his early days at seminary. There is no doubt that he is a gifted communicator and is quite able to speak to the angst of the demographic he claims to represent. He has carefully and cleverly elevated himself to a position at the forefront of influential Christians who loudly proclaim a new paradigm for those who find no solace in the old traditions of Christianity. It only stands to reason when you intentionally elevate yourself to such a position of high visibility and claim to speak in absolute truths people are going to scrutinize your every word and action and have plenty of stinging criticism. I am sure it's really nothing personal...they just think you're wrong...and they are going to tell you and everyone else...

getting the garden ready...

2011-04-11T11:11:00.000-07:00

There's something about working your hands in the soil. This is the time of the year when the primal urge wells up inside of me to “turn the earth”. It's entirely predictable... this feeling comes without fail every year...and I suppose it always will. Over the years of my life I have had many gardens...some quite large and some the more small backyard variety. The one thing I know is that to have a healthy productive garden it takes work...sometimes lots of work. I am reminded of this quote by Wendell Berry where he says,

"Odd as I am sure it will appear to some, I can think of no better form of personal involvement in the cure of the environment than that of gardening. A person who is growing a garden, if he is growing it organically, is improving a piece of the world. He is producing something to eat, which makes him somewhat independent of the grocery business, but he is also enlarging, for himself, the meaning of food and the pleasure of eating”.

When you work your hands in the soil there is a connection that stretches across the generations. Our parents...our grandparents...and perhaps their parents that tilled the lands and raised food have been intimately involved in the timeless struggle to improve their piece of the world. What drives this struggle that continues despite sometimes overwhelming odds? Again Wendell Berry sums it up nicely when he says,

“ the care of the earth is our most ancient and most worthy, and after all our most pleasing responsibility. To cherish what remains of it and to foster it's renewal is our only hope”.

I think it is that hope which rises up in us when we place the tiniest seed into the ground and anticipate the growth and harvest is life affirming. Even in that tiny seed there is potential waiting to burst forth. Gardening and garden references were widely sprinkled throughout the entirety of the bible. In fact the beginning of the history of mankind on the earth began in a perfect garden called Eden created by God. Throughout the bible there are many references to fruit and vineyards and vines and fruit bearing. Jesus used these agricultural illustrations to demonstrate a particular teaching to the people and His disciples. Over the years I have learned that certain basic principles apply as much to gardening as they do to my daily walk and relationship with Jesus. I think the three distinct elements of sower, soil and seed are critical metaphors in understanding the necessity of getting our hands dirty in the soil and sharing the gospel with the world. In the bigger picture of this analogy God is the sower...his word is the seed and I am the soil...which seems both paradoxical and appropriate to me. Any gardener worth their salt knows the importance of not only good quality soil but good preparation of that soil. In another weird analogy...I see rocks as representative of sin. Just as it is difficult to have a productive garden with rocky soil so is it to have a life of purpose and service if filled with sin. Jesus spoke of this when He said,

“Then he told them many things in parables, saying: “A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root.”

Jesus was clear as He taught that rocks...or sin... ruins your soil and keeps it from being productive and what you plant there will be in vain as it will not take root. This is what happens to us so many times...we try to do church or play religion and desperately plant in the poor rocky soil of our sin filled lives to no avail and we get frustrated and blame God and the church and give up. The good news is that God never moves and still is ready to sow His seed into us despite our shortcomings as gardeners and perennial lack of green thumbs. It's far too often that people all of us in all Christian faith tend to view the idea of Christian maturity or discipleship as intellectual Christian growth. Sadly, the focus for most of us is more on head knowledge than on life change. It is good to know scripture. It is good to study the Bible. But all that knowledge is worthless if we don't turn it into a life change. God is more concerned about the way we live then how much information we pack into our heads. A telling sign of that life change is how well we tend our gardens...our piece of the world...our lives. Are we working to improve the soil...remove the rocks...pruning the non bearing branches and dead wood? This is an active ever changing task that requires both patience and diligence. It is not enough just to plant the seed and ignore it and hope for the best. We know what happens then...our gardens turn into weed patches overrun with pest. Is this what God desires from us? I really doubt it. He wants to pull the weeds...kill the bugs...remove the rocks...and do everything we are able to have this totally amazingly productive and beautiful garden. Oh yeah...He wants us to get our hands really dirty too....

April 7 2011...

2011-04-07T12:20:00.000-07:00

"Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.
So, friends, every day do something
that won’t compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.

Love someone who does not deserve it.

Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.
Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millenium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.
Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.

Listen to carrion — put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?
Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.

As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn’t go.
Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.

Practice resurrection."

— Wendell Berry

ordinary people...extraordinary things...

2011-04-05T10:36:00.000-07:00

I believe that there is a powerful redemption and restoration that comes from doing extremely difficult physical challenges. I have never been much of a physical challenge guy at any time in my life...especially at what many consider to be mid-life. I certainly wasn't the guy seeking to push the envelope of what was physically impossible and then seek the next bigger and better challenge. No sir...not me. I was not a jock in high school and played very little sports and never really developed a taste for either participating or watching. I realize making that true confession really calls my manliness into question...it's ok...I don't hunt or fish either. So,...for me... doing something physically extreme is about as likely as Lohan is to stay out of jail. I think just the mere thoughts of the most moderately physical things are tiring sometimes. The problem is that I have trouble with my vision...that is seeing what winning looks and feels like. We can so easily fall into routines...ruts...and live our ordinary lives of comfort and predictability never daring to go beyond our self imposed limitations. The shocking reality we often discover is the only limits we are constrained by are the ones we place on ourselves. Those can be so disabling to the point we give up even trying anything new or challenging. We are defeated before we even start. There are several problems with this but primarily it chokes the life out of our faith in God to do amazing and unexpected things in our lives. There is a certain satisfaction that comes when we can say...I did what I thought was impossible. It's a rush...it's exciting. There is an ever greater feeling that comes when we say...and understand...it only happened because of God working through me and empowering me in a often times crazy way. As I have said many times before, God likes to take the most impossible situation and use the most ordinary and unlikely person to demonstrate His power to others. I have heard people say...”that's IMPOSSIBLE”...or...”that's CRAZY”. I have discovered many things that I just didn't believe possible...even in my wildest imagination...became quite possible and was shocking to myself and others. I have discovered that the twin elements of these amazing stories of success and redemption are... courage and faith. I have analyzed these two concepts for endless hours. To step out in courage...even believing you might fail...requires a significant amount of faith. It sometimes seems like faith in everyday things is so ordinary and unspoken. However, when it come to bear in a personal way and that faith is challenged and we feel the weakness of it it is all so differently then. Jesus worked on this issue a lot with both His disciples and those He met during His ministry. It is like how the disciples reacted when Jesus walked on the water...they were astonished at the sheer impossibility...in their minds...of what had been done. Their true faith came in that moment and with that miracle. Many times we look at a situation or opportunity and immediately see the difficulty...the impossibility...the obstacles that stand in the way. We don't allow our faith to even enter into the situation. We find reason to not even try to summon up courage as our fear of failure...or looking stupid...or wondering what people will think robs us of perhaps a chance to redeem a part of our life we need to take back. The devil is constantly stealing away our lives one bite at a time and each time we give in to doubt and fear there goes another piece. Is that what you want? To just be slowly chipped away at until there is nothing left? Probably not...Reclaiming an authentic life of significance and purpose is hard because we have to be thoughtful and intentional each step of the way. It requires discipline and vision...two things that are sorely lacking for most of us. It's hard to trust...to believe...to let go...when you have been hurt and disappointed by failures of others and your own. There is a richness and a texture of life that comes when we stare down our fears and anxieties and step off that edge...knowing we will be caught by a loving Savior. That's calming and reassuring and yet so hard for us to grasp how liberating that can be. We are bound and wrapped up in a tangle of fear and insecurities that literally at times can paralyze us into doing nothing...sitting waiting on God...or watching others. This is not what God desires for us. He wants us in the game...whether we are the ace pitcher or not...it doesn't matter. We are called by the very love that has redeemed us to this amazing life with Him. We are called to do the impossible extraordinary thing because in doing so it only does two things...it glorifies Him and allows us to be a powerful witness to others. I have been transformed by this redemption that comes from doing amazing...previously thought impossible...things. Now I'm different. I think this sums it up pretty well. In the book, Risking Faith, Dr. Steve Stephens writes, “I don’t want an ordinary God any more than I want an ordinary faith. Ordinary might make me feel good, but it will never inspire and astound me. Only an extraordinary God can move me beyond complacency in such a way that I cannot help but be changed”

loving the unlovable...

2011-04-04T08:28:00.000-07:00

I won't lie...sometimes it's hard for me to love people in the same embracing non-judgmental way that Jesus did. I feel like most of the time I try very hard but sometimes I just fall short. I simply cannot seem to give some the one thing they truly desire from me and I struggle to understand why. Sometimes it is the fault of others as they make it very difficult for me to respond in a positive and loving way because of their behavior. Now I have to admit, I frequently struggle with this one. Let's face it, some people just make it difficult to love them. So how do you love those who appear to be unlovable? Jesus provides us some wise insight in 1 John 5:21 where He says, “Dear children, keep away from anything that might take God’s place in your hearts.” The reality is though...it's mostly me...it's a wall that I put up. Jesus also says in 1 John 3:18 , “Little children, let us stop just saying we love people; let us really love them, and show it by our actions.” Just as the timeless cliché says...actions speak louder than words... and that is really true when we are trying to love people like Jesus has demonstrated for us so many times. We like to talk a lot and can sound convincing and appear very loving to others. But sometimes there is a fundamental disconnect between what we say and what we do. Our experiences create judgments and prejudices which creep into our lives in both subtle and blatant ways and affect how we relate to people. Most often that is based on very broad stereotypes we assign to people. We like to label people and put them in places where they are unreachable and unlovable. I'm pretty sure that's what Jesus meant when He said for us to keep away from anything that might take God's place in our hearts. I suppose that would mean something like anger, resentment, hatred, jealousy and bitterness. It also surely must include things like annoyance, irritability, impatience, and frustration which puts us into a state where we are momentarily separating ourselves from “the least of these”...and of course...God. Many times there are emotional associations attached to people we are trying to love and those emotions can exert huge influence over our choice of how we respond to others. There is an investment of emotional energy and we want a payback. Often times we are so selfish and self seeking it is impossible for us to reach out beyond our own needs to connect with another. Perhaps fear of the unknown and loss of control or being controlled by others is a factor. How someone will respond is unpredictable and we try to control that through manipulation and measured responses to those individuals. If you do not leave behind the emotions associated with this person, then you are still letting them take God’s place in your life. And by doing so, they are continuing to control your thoughts, words, feelings, and actions. You can’t “love” someone with your “actions” if your emotions are not in a state of love and peace and completely centered on God. This is the challenge that we all face...to come out of the self absorbed world in which we live and be mindful of the needs of others. It is easy for us to feel overwhelmed with the amount of needs we face every day both in our communities and the world. It can be so overpowering and we can fell so helpless that we are stunned into paralysis feeling totally incapable to make a dent in anything. This is why there is so much talk and advocacy with little action to address pressing needs. Talk is cheap...literally and emotionally...and easy... and keeps God out of the picture. To love others in the way that Jesus has shown requires action and service and it begins with one...me. I have to understand the basic fact that I was once that unreachable and unlovable person and Jesus sought me out and redeemed and restored me with His love. Love is not static...love is a verb. How arrogant of me to be so selfish and filled with pride as to not believe that those I perceive as unlovable and untouchable could just as easy be me. If not for the totally unmerited grace that I constantly receive from Jesus...that would be me. That should be a sobering thought for all of us when we feel that need to withhold love from someone based on how they look, act, think, smell or in any other way they might offend us. Jesus certainly didn't have a problem with any of that...why do we? How will you serve today? How will you reach out in an unexpected way to that someone you find tough to love? Someone is waiting on you...

who am I really?...

2011-03-31T07:10:00.000-07:00

A human being must have occupation if he or she is not to become a nuisance to the world. - Dorthy L. Sayers

I have recently landed a new job after a lengthy period of unemployment. These infrequent periods of unemployment are really nothing new to me but this one was a little longer than normal. There are several problems with being unemployed for an extended period .beyond the obvious one of not having an income stream. One of the things I have discovered over the years is that we are very much identified by the work we do and that often times leads to additional dialogue. However, when we are unemployed there is a whole different thing that happens when someone ask..”what do you do?” and you reply that you are “not working but looking”. I love to see the look on peoples faces when you try to explain your unique situation and they just don't get it. I'm used to it ...so it doesn't bother me...but it used to. The one thing I have discovered that has been an important lesson to me is that I am not defined by what I do...but by what I am. In today's community we are assigned a place in society based on what we do and the relative value attached to that thing. When we no longer are doing that thing we wonder where we fit in the world. It is hard to be still and idle for any reason in today's culture. It is unacceptable when we are not perceived as busy or productive. Whether we realize it or accept it we are always being measured and compared in some way or another. When you have complete awareness of your identity, you don’t have to rely on any external descriptors to define who you are. You get to be who you are – a unique being, accepted for your individual qualities and characteristics. With awareness and acceptance of your internal identity, you are less likely to fall into the comparison trap A lot of what determines our worth and usefulness is our ability and desire to work at something judged by others as good or necessary. Thus...we pride ourselves on our ability to work and be productive and develop an image we project to the world and that becomes our identity. So...it only stands to reason that when that becomes compromised due to illness, unemployment or other reasons we and others perceive that we are less desirable and worthy. You see...we all start out from square one with this unique identity of who we really are and that is given by God. It's the basic ingredient of our makeup...it's in our DNA. Then from that point we add to it in our own ways. Things we think are important like what we wear...where we live...who we know. We call that success and then that often replaces what God says and our identity is now based on that illusion. We work very hard at fooling people into believing we are successful and that our happiness is based on appearances. As our identity is so intricately tied in with success or failure...for many failure is not an option. So we hold back and stay in our comfort zone...our safe place. We become risk adverse because if we fail...and we will sometime...we take a big hit on what we believe our identity to be. For many of us this can be quite unsettling and even progress to a full blown crisis. This is why it is so important to know who we are at the core of our being...the place that cannot be shaken. If not, the crisis will find you again and again, resulting in a fear of failure, fear of abandonment, and fear of never finding your true identity. An example of this would be the proverbial mid-life crisis. You get to that certain age...that certain point in your life and look around and say...”is this all there is?” Surely there's more to life than this one I have been living. I'm gonna change...I'm gonna have a new identity. Yeah...ok...we all know how that goes for guys...new Corvette replaces the Camry...custom cowboy boots replace the tasseled loafers...and a girlfriend your daughters age replaces your wife of twenty five years. Really? This is the identity you desire now...middle aged guy who has lost his marbles...I think the more true question to be wrestled with at this mid point is do I go on living a life of success and all the external trappings that involves or do I seek to live a life of significance. With full recognition of your true internal identity...that identity placed inside of you by God...you are very much less likely to seek something else external or outside of that to make you feel complete. Your identity can be thought of as who you are at your deepest core...your integrity. The process of uncovering and getting to the essence of that core, and the ability to get in touch with who you are is often times very daunting and can be gut wrenching. However it is absolutely the first thing that must be done on the road to authenticity and significance in our daily lives. Without any conscious awareness and understanding of our identity it is impossible to be authentic. How can we hope to be real if we don’t have a clue of what real is? Without even a little knowledge of our values and core beliefs, how can we make decisions or know what we want? Our relationships, career choices, lifestyle, and everything we deem important as an adult are all impacted by our identity. Awareness of our identity allows us to authentically and passionately pursue our path in life. It is never too late to change course once that realization and awareness comes. People change at many different points in their lives...sometimes willingly...sometimes not. If we have no knowledge of what makes our heart sing, what is important to us, or what is our life purpose, how can we form a vision for our future? We can't...and we just drift along until the next crisis comes...and it will. Again, if we don’t know who we are, how can we determine what we want and where we are headed? The actions we take toward our vision must be in alignment with our values, core beliefs and the essence of our identity if we are to be fulfilled and live our life to its highest purpose. That comes from knowing who we are in Christ and absolutely has nothing to do with riding the wave of the next best and latest cool thing...It's easy to fall from those lofty perches...sometimes.

thoughts on going home...

2011-03-30T06:46:00.000-07:00

Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever. ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

I sat somewhere that became holy yesterday...I sat at someones bedside where I work and watched them die. I slowly watched the end of ninety two years of a hard life all come down to one last easy shallow breath. Air goes in...air goes out...the end. Just like that the mortal time that we count in so many different ways on the earth comes to a stop. Like a billowy snow white cloud on a summer day...it passes over our heads...floats out of view and is gone. That God would allow me to sit and be present during this crossing over from the finite to the eternal is humbling. The achingly bare intimacy of someones final moments is soul stirring. In a blink of our eye...life is gone. The mother...the grandmother...the friend...everything one was in their life becomes more important now. What is becomes what was and we remember. The daughter sits resolute and utterly determined to stare death in the face and not flinch...but she does and the tears tumble onto her mothers pale frail hand which she grips tightly. We desperately hold on...unable to let go...unable to say the first of a series of goodbyes. The release is the hardest part. The reality and the finality of the release is almost too much to bear. I suddenly remembered when my own mother died and in an unexpected moment happening right now...it all felt the same. My throat is tight...my breathing becomes tense...I bite my lip...hard. I look away but I am losing this battle. I say a prayer to distract myself and keep it together and remain professional. I know that love loosens our grip...when we really love we can let go of the tight hold that keeps us bound in the earthly realm. I stand and lay my hand on the ever cooling cheek...say another prayer. I study the face in the most minute detail...as if looking at a painting by Van Gogh...Renoir...or another great artist of long ago. I wondered if all the worry and pain and suffering...heartbreak...and disappointment etched those amazing lines into her face. Time stood still for just a minute. I imagined the joy of knowing in that final lucid moment that soon...very soon...I will be on my way to heaven to meet my Father...I am reminded of the hymn that they sing here practically every Sunday...” When we all get to heaven, What a day of rejoicing that will be! When we all see Jesus, We’ll sing and shout the victory!” It will indeed be rejoicing when this lady gets home. No matter how many times I witness this mystery of death it never gets any easier. The questions are always the same, There are no easy answers, There is very little I can say that makes sense in the face of such personal and seemingly unbearable loss. Any word feels inadequate right now...just silence is enough. In that silence comes an eventual understanding that it's ok to let go and I am only holding on out of fear and selfishness. There is a feeling of being left alone no matter how old we are...it's a primal fear. We know that the reality is we are never alone and that God is always near to us and the feeling of being alone is just an illusion. The other reality is that once we have died we are just an empty shell much like the empty shells of cicadas that get left behind. The deceased becomes representational of a different time of our lives and we are flooded with memories of every sort. Those memories keep us alive in essence once our physical bodies have failed and gone. It is always bittersweet for me to share these most intimate moments with families. I am always glad that someone was here holding the hand...wiping the tears...as many time there is not. Many times people die alone...fade into oblivion...and all that their life was goes unrecognized in that moment. To me...that's sad...even tragic...not to be remembered and loved...in our death. It is as if another brilliant star has fallen from the sky and nobody saw it...

be careful where you step...

2011-03-28T02:07:00.000-07:00

There probably isn't a more effective piece of real estate in the arena of war than a minefield. Just as on the tragic battlefields that opponents engage each other...followers of Christ are...and have been...fighting a similar battle. Land mines are a particularly effective and destructive weapon for several reasons. Primarily, because they are buried and out of plain sight in an area that is usually traveled by foot or vehicle...a common pathway. The land mines are detonated by weight placed on top of them and do not discriminate in the severe damage inflicted on unsuspecting victims. Additionally, most land mines are intended to maim or injure and not necessarily outright kill...although many may die from result of those injuries. As a follower of Christ we live in a world that is a virtual minefield in so many respects. There are unknown dangers awaiting...sometimes out of sight and sometimes not...wanting to just blow us up. We have to be so careful and mindful of where we are walking at all times. The internet is a minefield and in the war for control of our minds there is no more a destructive virtual landmine than pornography. It is the proverbial elephant in the room that as Christians we find particularly difficult to talk about. It poisons, corrodes, and eventually destroys everything it touches. It is pervasive in our culture from the most subtle nuances in advertising to the blatant glorification of porn stars in mainstream media. It drives the multi billion dollar sex trafficking business. It is another example of how the edge of what we will accept is being pushed out farther and farther all of the time. One might ask...:”How has this happened?” Easy answer...we have allowed...encouraged...and welcomed it into our everyday life. The media certainly bears a lot of the blame as they know that sex sells...very well. The internet has caused an exponential explosion of porn. Consider these facts...

89% of porn is created in the U.S.
$2.84 billion in revenue was generated from U.S. porn sites in 2006
$89/second is spent on porn
72% of porn viewers are men
260 new porn sites go online daily

Are you shocked at that? I am not really because I am a guy and realize that porn is constantly marketed to me both indirectly and sometimes very specifically. Sadly, most men are fools and we lose our ability to reject what is a clear plan to destroy us with our sometimes willing help. I challenge anyone to say that porn is not both a highly addictive and an ever escalating habit. As with any other addiction there is no final end point nor is just a little porn ever enough. It creates within us a ravenous appetite and that demand drives all aspects of the industry. The mavens of this business know this one fact and are more than willing to supply an endless array of goods and services from mild to wild. I am always fascinated when I hear from someone that they are involved in porn but it isn't really hurting anyone. Really? What a lie from hell that is...Porn hurts everyone. I repeat...If it was something you could control and you aren't hurting anyone...why does it have to be done primarily alone...in isolation...and in secret? I am not going to lie here...yeah, I have looked at it many years ago...a lot. I know that it is not conducive to a healthy marriage nor is it complete unto itself. One of the biggest problems I see is it sets up in ones mind a false paradigm that becomes a self fulfilling prophecy creating the inability to maintain intimacy in a relationship. If you cannot maintain intimacy with a spouse...you certainly cannot maintain it with God. The deception one has to live under when addicted to porn spills over into all other areas of your life...no matter how clever you think you might be. Everything you say and do becomes suspect when you are living a lie this big. Eventually...much to everyone's shock and dismay...it all comes crashing down on you. Yeah...you step on a landmine...everything gets blown up...you get hurt and so do others. Then come the questions...the endless...the mostly unanswerable questions. We ask ourselves questions...its a time of shock and denial. “How did I get here?” is probably a common question. We got here because we foolishly believed a series of lies solely designed to accomplish the specific purpose of destroying our soul. The end point is being forever separated from God and spending an eternity in the depths of hell. The sad fact is there are a lot of people impacted by this selfishness...people that love and care about us. The even sadder fact is that unless you care for yourself in a healthy and loving way it really doesn't matter how much they care. Yeah...it's horrible and tragic to watch someone step on that landmine...especially if you have done it yourself. We have this sick fascination with watching disasters...car wrecks...and other human failures. However...there is no joy for anyone watching someone getting ready to step out onto the minefield...we wince with each step...

yeah...I'm an addict

2011-03-10T07:50:00.000-08:00

Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw the signs I performed but because you ate the loaves and had your fill. Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.” Then they asked him, “What must we do to do the works God requires?” Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.” John 6: 26-29

It is oh so easy for us to look out from our lofty perches sometimes and see a thing...a defect...a shortcoming...a sin... in someone else that we are blinded to in ourselves. Some perhaps would call it judging others...I would simply call it misjudging ourselves. I find it incredibly both arrogant and naive that we could point an accusing finger at someone and not realize that but for the grace of God we are spared so much misery. I am thinking specifically about our tremendously addicted culture that we live in and how we ourselves become enablers and users. We are constantly comparing and judging ourselves against others in nomenclature and scale of addictions. By doing that we can rationalize our behavior and assign a degree of what is acceptable and what is not. That's how we can say that drinking 5-6 cups of coffee and 3-4 energy drinks is ok...but shooting heroin is bad...really bad. Or even...looking at a little porn...Is there even such a thing as a “little" porn? It is so easy for us to normalize our many addictions as we have incorporated them into the fabric of our daily lives. We often say...” well, this isn't really hurting anyone”...Really? The reality is we have given our biggest addiction that most of us suffer from an entirely different name so that it doesn't sound too bad...it's called consumerism and consumption. We are addicted to stuff...getting stuff...buying stuff..holding on to stuff. We are all about stuff...Jesus addresses that here in this passage from the gospel of John. When the disciples and the people came looking for Jesus he told them they in essence came looking for what Jesus could give them. They weren't seeking more signs...they were looking for freebies and something to fill their stomachs again. They were looking for stuff...We are no different. We often times approach Jesus in prayer seeking a thing as opposed to seeking His presence. Even when we get that one desired thing it just never seems to be enough as the endless hunger of addictions continues to ravage our lives. We are always looking...for the next best thing...the newest thing...the coolest thing... thinking this will ease this gnawing craving we feel in the depths of our soul. We chase after stuff with the idea that it will satisfy us once and for all. It won't...it's a mirage. It's a clever and cruel trick of Satan. It is only a very temporary fix...no different than the handful of pills we take to self medicate and numb our psychic pain. It has been described by many as a “hole in the heart” and we...sadly...believe we can fill that hole with stuff. So...we chase the dream with wild abandon and constantly work to get stuff and amass dubious treasure while here on earth. In Matthew 6: 19-21 it says,

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

The fact is that pursuing that false hope of riches comes at a great cost to us both individually and as a culture. Jesus reminds us in the passage from John to not to work for food that spoils...that perishes. He is trying to tell us that the sense of fullness and satisfaction we desperately seek is not found anywhere or in anything outside of Him. He is trying to tell us that this easily spoiled food makes us sick...addicted. The cost of chasing and living this so called American dream is entirely charged to us and what we can do in our power and with self reliance. On the other hand...the cost of pursuing a life of following Christ is solely charged to Him and He paid the price for us on the cross. How refreshing and stress relieving it is to know that I can be freed from the grips of an addiction that only seeks to destroy me and everything I touch. Entangled within the snare of a works based system of belief...it slowly becomes apparent that there is never enough I can do or be to measure up to the unrealistic expectation in my mind of who I should be and what I should have. We are unwitting pawns in a cruel game that we will never be able to win. The good news...there is a solution. As Jesus said in the passage from John...the only work we need to be concerned with is the one that God requires...and that is simply to believe in the one He has sent...that's where the freedom from this addiction begins...there is this amazing light at the end of the tunnel... and as the song says...” Into marvelous light I'm running, out of darkness...out of shame...”

what are YOU giving up for Lent?

2011-03-09T10:20:00.000-08:00

We have entered into the Lenten season. There is no time that is more soul searching for a follower of Jesus than this next 40 days. The conversation is often initiated by the standard...”what are you giving up for Lent?”. I didn't grow up in a churched family nor did I have many, if any, Catholic friends to clue me in on the giving up season. At my house things were more focused on Easter eggs, chocolate “hollow” rabbits and ham for Easter dinner. Oh yeah, dressing up on Easter and getting the requisite pics of a dorky kid with a Easter basket. It wasn't until very many years later I learned about everything that happened historically during the time of Jesus and events leading up to His death, burial and resurrection. I will have to say I got it in little bits and pieces and slowly processed the entire picture. I, however still didn't get the whole Lent thing until I became an adult and every year I gain some new insight. This year will be no different I am sure... Last year I went to see this tremendously theatrical production of a very compressed version of these 40 days at a local church renown for this pageant. It was extremely well done and very emotionally charged and provocative. I actually felt disgust for the Roman soldiers as they arrogantly walked by in front of me. They were TOTALLY in character. In 2004 the movie The Passion of the Christ came out and I have to admit I did not see it until about 2007. I found it to be practically unbearable to watch the first time I saw it. Yeah...of course...I cried...a lot. I remember being on a mission trip in the Dominican Republic with Victory Christian Center in 2008 and they showed a scene from The Passion on a giant screen on stage during a nightly evangelical crusade. I looked around and the people were completely spellbound. No one moved...no one spoke...all eyes were on the screen. At the end of the scene more people than I could count were weeping and praising Jesus...powerful. I can only imagine if they could see the entire film. I get the concept of giving something up for lent...or fasting...making a sacrifice...refocusing attention on Jesus...40 Days of Water. As I always fast completely for a lengthy period at the beginning of the year...no food...no TV...it seems a little anti climatic to fast 6 days a week...take a break Sundays and resume for 40 days. It just all seems so contrived and legalistic with lots of rules and regulations and different interpretations of what is the right way and a lot of focus on self. I don't think that is really what is intended when we fast and pray. In Matthew 6: 16-18, it says,

“When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

Observing the season of Lent is a way that we can place ourselves before God humbled and broken bringing nothing of our own doing enabling ourselves the ability to purchase our salvation. It is a way for us individually to confess our total inadequacy and dependency on a sovereign and all providing God and to strip away all pretenses of debilitating prideful righteousness. It is a way to empty ourselves of our foolish false pride, of our rationalizing and blindness that prevent us from seeing ourselves as needy creatures, of our perfectionist tendencies that cause unmet expectations that weakens our faith. So...let's see...what could I possibly give up for Lent. Chocolate...uh...no. TV...don't watch enough to be sacrificial. Perhaps we all should dig a little deeper into what really is taking time away from Jesus...what is keeping your prayers short and generic?...what is keeping you from reading the Bible?...what is competing against your relationship with Jesus? I promise that there is something... I know there is for me. There always is something...I have a very hard time with focus and being single minded about something. That's a lot of the reason why I fast every year at the beginning of the year...it sets the tone for the year. It's like any kind of training you would do for an upcoming sporting event...What Jesus requires is no different. He wants singlemindness and dedication to purpose. The season of Lent is all about penitence and reflection and forgiveness of self and others. Being mindful of our sins and shortcomings and trying to listen to what God is speaking to us...trying to teach us. So, as you can see there is much we can give up and there is much work to be done to facilitate healing. So...yeah...I have plenty of stuff that I can give up besides peanut M & Ms and vanilla cokes and mediocre TV... I can give up my cleverly disguised pride and creeping...at times...unbelief that God really hears me when I whisper... help me...I can give up my need to fail sometimes...when others are praying so hard for me to succeed. I can give up my penchant to judge others...even if in the tiniest seemingly insignificant ways. I guess that's enough to keep me busy for 40 days...thankfully I get Sundays off...

thoughts on the gospel...part 3

2011-03-08T07:24:00.000-08:00

I must confess that until the last few years I wasn't even aware of the term...social justice. I am pretty sure that I knew a lot about all the stuff it assumes to represent...I just didn't bandy it about in casual conversation. I became well acquainted with the term and use of it during some recent involvement with a human rights organization. I must also confess...while I'm in a confessing mood...that I frequently used this term in relation to being a follower of Jesus and sometimes without a real understanding of that relationship. There is a vast array of social justice issues and they wax and wane in popularity based on who the most vociferous celebrity spokesperson is supporting their pet cause. The problem for me and the danger I see is that chasing and promoting these various causes has become another mutation of the gospel. Everyone has a different idea of exactly what the pressing issues are in the realm of social justice and very busily are trying to incorporate them into the framework of the gospel. They are wrapped within that framework and brought into the mainstream in their churches. There is no doubt about the fact that Jesus was very concerned and filled with compassion over the plight of the oppressed and disenfranchised. Jesus clearly had a special sense of mission to poor and oppressed people. When Jesus boldly announced the beginning of his ministry on the earth, sometimes commonly known as Jesus' mission statement, He stood up in the synagogue at Nazareth and read these words from the prophet Isaiah:

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." Luke 4:18-19

As Andrew Beckner, in his blog, A Candid Christian says, “Fighting social injustice without incorporating Jesus into the mix doesn't mean anything to the one ministering or to the one being ministered to. That's because the minister isn't able to reconcile himself to God through works, and the one being ministered to cannot hope to find reconciliation to God through someone other than Jesus.” I think this sums up the difficulty of the so called gospel of social justice... it is a fairly difficult idea to be accepted by the average church-goer. People sometimes see a thinly veiled attempt to marry a social cause and the gospel together in order to advance an agenda and are suspicious of that. If people are suspicious then it is very difficult to get them to even hear the message or participate. Unfortunately sometimes the actual gospel and Jesus gets squeezed out to make room for the facts and figures and the call to action. If you do not include Jesus two other significant problems arise. First, you rob yourself of the true source of your power to effect change within the culture as a whole and address specific social issues. You completely discount the Holy Spirit as the main factor in creating the possibility of change...redemption...and restoration. There comes a great urge to try to do this thing that needs to be done in our own power. Of course, we all know the danger of that...God doesn't get the glory and we become less dependent on God to take care of things without us helping Him and trying to control and manipulate things. He really hates that...It is so easy for us to get the cart in front of the horse...we mess stuff up when we try to limit Gods power and ability and only allow Him to operate within a narrow range that our often small faith and vision permits. I know that sounds crazy but that is what we do...a lot. We get into a very dangerous place where we are operating on a works alone system of belief. God is able to do anything and everything and so much more than we could possible imagine. We just need to take Him out of the box or let Him off the leash that we walk Him around on. It is absolutely imperative that the message of the true gospel be kept in the forefront and that any cause we seek to advocate for or dedicate ourselves to... we must understand that it is an adjunct only. The other problem is that in our passion and fervor the social justice issues can become politicized and then if so several things happen and all are usually not so good for the causes or those who support them. With the politicization we draw lines...take sides...place labels...move apart...stereotype. However the bigger danger is that we slip into black and white thinking and develop a us or them mentality. It becomes divisive and not unifying for the body of Christ. One becomes judgmental if you do not see and agree with the point of whatever the cause is...that's one thing we certainly do not need more of in our churches. We see the world only in extremes...perfection versus chaos. Our expectations are never met as there is no perfection in social causes. There is only perfection in Jesus...and He set the bar very high. So...it is apparent to me that an easy solution to avoid extremism and division within the church is to ensure that the true gospel always comes first...it is the saving works of Jesus that unifies us...nothing we could possibly do on our own contributes anything toward that goal. I think is very simply a matter of the fact that we all really need to be reminded frequently that really there is neither a Pentecostal nor a Southern Baptist seated in heaven on the throne of God. I would be willing to guarantee that each and every one of us will have our argued over and fought for theologies corrected when we stand before Jesus. Therefore, we need to seek to work together to further the Kingdom of God and incorporate the social justice message that Jesus taught us as He served those who were oppressed and living in captivity. Jesus came to seek and save the lost but He also came to feed the hungry...give drink to the thirsty...restore sight to the blind. I think there is room for us all at the table and there certainly is enough need that we all can serve the least of these for a very long time. Really...isn't that what we are here for? As far as I am concerned social justice is simply doing the things to model Jesus for those who looking to see what He really looks like...Is the cause that you are advocating for...wearing the t shirt for...putting Jesus and the true gospel up front? If not... you just have another thing that looks and smells like every other world saving idea that has come and gone...because we all know that there is only one real sustainable... enduring...hope defining...life affirming answer...Jesus.

thoughts on the gospel...part 2

2011-03-02T07:27:00.000-08:00

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” Matthew 6: 19-21

I know that it seems I am beating a dead horse here...but...as I shared in a previous blog post the real gospel is a totally stand alone item. As I also said nothing gets added...nothing taken away. However the temptation is so great that many feel the need to add their own unique touch which immediately invalidates anything they have to say or do in relation to the gospel message. They re-image...reduce...remix...re-brand...and reintroduce the gospel as their own interpretation and set out to intentionally deceive others. In Acts 20: 29-30, Paul warned,
“I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them.”
Even today this rings as true as in the time of Paul...wolves continue to roam and prowl freely in plain sight within the confines of many of our churches. No bigger false gospel has ever been created to deceive so many innocents as the “prosperity gospel”. This a totally false teaching that states...that believers have a right to the blessings of health and wealth and that they can obtain these blessings through positive confessions of faith and the "sowing of seeds" through the faithful payments of tithes and offerings. It has been claimed that prosperity's ultimate purpose is to fund evangelism and various Christian charities worldwide, however critics argue that most all evidence has shown that the accumulation of wealth and material goods does not serve the purpose of the Gospel. We aren't entirely blind...we can readily see where a lot of the money is going...uh...the preachers pockets. Their lavish lifestyles and so called ministries are being funded on the backs of their conned supporters. All we have to do is turn the TV on to any of several religious channels and immediately see some of the heavy hitters in action speaking such outright lies I am sometimes amazed at their audacity. I think the bigger question for me is...how in the world can this keep happening? How can people be so blinded and deaf to the antics and the endless barrage of false teaching from these imposters? I am reminded of this verse...
"For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires; and will turn away their ears from the truth, and will turn aside to myths" (2 Tim. 4:3-4).
There are really several factors at work here. The teaching style of these wolves that Paul spoke of in Acts is indeed very charming, seductive, pretty close to what we know of the bible, cunning and quite dangerous as they take advantage of the almost universally undiscerning audiences. These false teachers promise that you can overcome fear, guilt and psychological hang-ups, even alcoholism, through anything but the true gospel. They also give one the impression that they have a very intimate...up close and personal... relationship with God and often report having many visions, encounters and conversations with Him. They assure their audiences that if they give money...lots of money... they too can become more intimate with God. How ridiculous and further from the truth can anything be. Once again you have a sect within the larger body of Christianity that has taken selected scriptures totally out of context and fashioned their false theology around them. Sadly, this is done a lot and those who operate in this manner take advantage in the worst possible way of peoples ignorance of the entirety of the bible. There have been numerous critics of the teachings of the prosperity gospel and the many well known names espousing this corrupt pseudo-gospel. I think John Piper states it very well when he says,
“Paul said we should not steal. The alternative was hard work with our own hands. But the main purpose was not merely to hoard or even to have. The purpose was “to have to give.” “Let him labor, working with his hands, that he may have to give to him who is in need” (Ephesians 4:28). This is not a justification for being rich in order to give more. It is a call to make more and keep less so you can give more. There is no reason why a person who makes $200,000 should live any differently from the way a person who makes $80,000 lives. Find a wartime lifestyle; cap your expenditures; then give the rest away. Why would you want to encourage people to think that they should possess wealth in order to be a lavish giver? Why not encourage them to keep their lives more simple and be an even more lavish giver? Would that not add to their generosity a strong testimony that Christ, and not possessions, is their treasure?
Immediately...you can see the “hole” in this false gospel...the focus...off of Christ and His glory and His Kingdom...and all the focus on me and what I can get and do for me. How can I get rich beyond my wildest dreams? Oh...I see..if I send in a seed offering of $1000 I will receive this specially anointed hanky and I can use it to wipe my tears away while waiting for my ship to come in...How cruel is that? How maligned can the real gospel possibly be? How both sad and unfortunate is it that the ones these wolves prey on are the “least of these”? We are under a mandate from God to present the true saving...redeeming...hope giving...and life affirming gospel. Anything less is...well...less. Anything more is...well...sinful and we know what Jesus thinks about that, right? Uh...all false teachers and phony prophets...to the left please...just follow the other goats...move along

thoughts on the gospel...part 1

2011-03-01T07:58:00.000-08:00

I have discovered that as a Christian it is pretty easy to go around making statements about things we know little about...or have researched...or personally experienced. This can be very dangerous to both ourselves and to others as we can be very easily deceived. That's what makes a clever magician so effective and entertaining to watch. It's just a simple fact about our human nature...we can be conned...hoodwinked....have the wool pulled over our eyes...or be led astray. That being led astray possibility is the scariest one as it seems many times we are willing to follow someone down an unknown path solely based on what we hear or are promised. This is the modus operandi of purveyors of false teachings and distorted gospels. Things can sound just good enough to our ears and be oh so close to the real gospel that we can be agreeing and following along before we ever know what has happened. Jesus was very clear about the danger. In Matthew 7: 15-20, He says,

“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them”.

There is a weird paradox operating in the true gospel in that it has the power to save every sinner and provide a life in eternity but it also has the power to corrupt those who would seek to use it for their own purposes. As I said previously the true gospel is totally sufficient unto itself and nothing needs to be added nor taken away. So, the bedrock upon which all truth rests is in knowing what the gospel is and then...logically...hopefully... you see what it is not. So, in a nutshell only...I will not elaborate here...the real gospel is the good news of the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ that provides full and free deliverance from the power and penalty of sin according to the grace of God alone through faith in Jesus Christ alone. That's it. Sadly, the gospel that we live by and share with others today has become the main and essential narcissistic tool of false prophets and teachers. It has become a one size fits all “cure-all pill” for things like stress, personal fulfillment and happiness, child-rearing, diet-eating plans, and social justice causes of every description. The gospel is not a set of rules...or 7 steps to live “your best life now” by. The gospel is not a series of methodical instructions that one follows in order to get God to do something for him in return. Of course, that's exactly what we do. The gospel is not glibly dispensed advice for more prosperous and materially abundant living. The gospel is not a therapeutic inner psyche repairing psychological massage for troubled emotions...a bad childhood...ineffective parents...or any other thing we can use to dodge responsibility for the shape we are in. The gospel is not the end point cure-all for one’s personal woes...shortcomings...disappointments...or other failures in life. The gospel is not important or saving or even necessary because it can help “me” become a better “me.” All of this is taken care of by the real gospel. One of the serious problems with our understanding of the gospel is we believe that it is something we can do...or based on our works. Admittedly this doing part is a very important part of the gospel but it is only a part. It is just like in James 2: 17,18, where it says,

“ In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds.”

Just as faith and works are two separate components and cannot effectively work apart from each other neither can the doing and telling of the gospel message. People have tried and still are trying but the understanding of the message is impaired and those who you are trying to help suffer. The bigger question to ask is if what I am doing is totally glorifying God and extending the reach of His kingdom in the world. There are so many causes and organizations that are both advocating and physically doing work in the hard and dark places. I am glad and happy for anyone that sees a need and tries to address it in any manner...BUT...if you are not bringing the gospel with you and sharing that then you are missing a huge opportunity to have your work blessed by God in a very powerful way. There are many well intentioned people who are motivated by a variety of reasons to do things to help others. Some peoples identities are even tied into these great humanitarian causes. We become do-ers and we solely focus on the next big cause and how much that I can do and maybe become famous within the confines of that cause. The problem is that causes become very personal for one reason or another...we may have been closely impacted or maybe just because it's the cause du jour...we therefore strive to advance their agendas. We become passionate and even sometimes to the point of zealousness. We bring those causes into our churches and try to incorporate them into the framework of the gospel. There certainly is nothing wrong with that but often in our extreme enthusiasm we forget God...we lose sight of the role of Jesus...we get blinded and become less kingdom minded. The cause is Jesus...the goal is the whole true gospel. Anything less is...well...less. The importance to those who do not know the gospel...who we have not shared that story with...who have not been fed with both real bread and the transforming spiritual bread of life...who have not have not been given a cup of water in His name...the importance is just too big to leave it out. I do believe that the gospel can be a powerful blueprint for action in the world whether in missions or various causes but we simply cannot ignore mans corrupt and sinful nature and thus the extreme importance of sharing the true gospel...with everyone...everywhere...all the time.

living the real gospel...

2011-02-25T06:28:00.000-08:00

I am just sitting here and ruminating on the definition of the real and true gospel and what that really means in regard to our daily lives. I honestly do not believe we value enough the importance of the gospel being interwoven into the fabric of our day to day life and what an integral part of us it becomes when we are a follower of Christ. I feel like many of us view it as something we put on when we “go” on a specific designated mission for God. I frequently see it really used as an accessory and an afterthought as opposed to something as vital as the very air we breathe. It looks good on us and we appear righteous and holy when we are sharing the gospel and our story with someone of how God has worked in our lives. It's like raising our hands in worship to an amazing God on Sundays at our churches and forgetting to use those same extended hands in service to others through the week. The sad fact is that this is something so basic and intrinsic within our DNA that we should both seek out and pray for opportunities to share this with others always. There really are two separate components to this good news and it is difficult to get people to effectively understand this unless both are working together, I call it a show and tell approach and it is vital to maintain the credibility and impact of what you are trying to say. I can remember many times in elementary school when we would have an entire day solely dedicated to show and tell. I know that I am a visual learner and the idea of tying a visual demonstration of something together with a lecture or discussion was always much more effective for me. I think this is true for a lot of others as well. The showing part is the actual physical doing...coming along side with compassion and understanding and meeting a perceived physical need, All too often it's easy to use words...sometimes a lot of words...sometimes too many words...and tell someone what you or God is going to do to change and improve their life. However, if there are unmet physical needs...like hunger...poverty...lack of clean water...need for basic medical care...then those words don't carry much weight. Even if you come to an impoverished people with those words and an abundance of “hand-outs”...it's no different as you are only applying a temporary solution and creating an even greater dependency. Over time we have learned that this is bad and totally counterproductive to the true gospel message. A sustainable relationship where both parties are invested to create a vision of how that the hope of a better life comes from surrender to and trusting in God is inherently better. The other equally critical part of this formula is the actual verbal proclamation of the gospel message. In Romans 10: 14,15 it says,
“How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”
I really like how that says...you have to preach to them. We all know that there is a way to do that in truth and love and without being overbearing...holier than thou...and preachy. I think most of us know that turns people off and when turned off they shut us out. I know saying that probably is controversial to some. Some believe you just put it out there in a forceful evangelistic way and let the chips fall where they may. Perhaps...I don't know. I am just saying what is effective for me and most likely a lot of other people. Irrespective of your chosen style the bible is clear we are to bring the good news to all...everywhere we go. Rick McKinley, Pastor of Imago Dei church in Portland Oregon says, “ We need the gospel...in order to give the gospel...” That is one of those statements that seems so true and obvious it needs no mention. Unfortunately, it does need mentioning because it's like one of the prime physical laws of the universe meaning you cannot possibly give what you yourself do not possess. Do you have the gospel? Is it woven into the fabric of your daily existence? Are you living it? The bigger question probably is... do you actually know what the “real” gospel is? Notice I said real? So, that clarification and emphasis perhaps would lead one to believe there are other versions or corruptions of the gospel, right? Well, indeed there are and in a few future blog postings I will delve into that a bit as it is too much to tack on here. We need to be perfectly clear that our sharing of the gospel must be done in complete faith and understanding that it is totally sufficient unto itself...nothing need be added...nor taken away. Anytime you see the ___________...you fill the blank...gospel you can be suspect of it. This is where we get into so much trouble when we put our own spin on it and it becomes this mutant thing far from the original. So how will you preach today?...how will you share your story?...how will you show someone...perhaps the most unlikely someone...how this gospel works to bring redemption and hope and peace?. God has trusted you with the most important thing you could or will ever do...making Him famous and known in the world. Will you be the salt and the light or will you let someone else do your job?. I know it's not easy...but do the hard work and have that conversation...pray for the opportunity...to do something that will have eternal impact...how awesome is that?

2011-02-23T17:16:00.000-08:00

CAUSE AND EFFECT

the best often die by their own hand

just to get away,

and those left behind

can never quite understand

why anybody

would ever want to

get away

from

them

Charles Bukowski

losing my religion...

2011-02-21T09:00:00.000-08:00

I am leaving my church....Trust me...this is not a decision that I take lightly or feel inclined to do without lots of soul searching. I have read and heard many differing opinions about leaving churches both pro and con. I guess my situation is a little different in that while I have been going to this particular church for a few years...I am not a member. I have this funny thing about joining stuff and the labels that gets placed on me when I do. My season of discontent has again returned to me and the reality of what must be done is now at hand. I simply cannot continue to participate in something without a vital part of my body...my heart...being present. To do so is called being the worse kind of hypocrite and we know what Jesus thought about those... The Greek word hypokrisis means putting on a mask to misrepresent reality and those actors who did so in that ancient era were known as hypocrites. That's how I have been feeling lately on every Sunday as I walk into my church and get “clicked”...aka being counted...or being documented as present. Nothing specifically personal against anyone there...it's me. I have these seasons where I experience severe cognitive dissonance. I have been busy examining this condition and how it affects everything I view in the world and decisions I make based on that. One thing I do know is that it is a significant internal conflict between opposite beliefs and not always entirely rational and a lot of us have it. That's the part I am always rightly concerned about...is this just me?...am I the only one who thinks this? What is wrong with me? Often times it is just me as I often see and think about things much differently than most people...or so it seems. The bigger danger for all who suffer this malady is that we may rationalize anything we need to do to validate our choices. We then, perhaps later, feel maybe that wasn't the right thing to do. This is where we get the term buyers remorse which means we may make a questionable purchase...after justifying it...then regretting it later. The real problem is that creates guilt and we know the destructive effects of guilt. Entire systems of religion have been built and maintained on that one concept...guilt. So, you can see that a seemingly simple thing like leaving your church can be as complex and psychologically and philosophically dense as you choose. I really prefer to just keep things as plain and simple as I can. I have thought about my decision a lot...like every Sunday... or even right now...It has just become more and more clear that this is necessary for me to continue to move in the direction where God is leading me. When I have discussed this with people in the past, they have said , “well, you know, God puts you in places for seasons and for His purpose...not ours”. I am so in total agreement with that and I used to be afraid of overstaying my season and all the leaves falling off my tree. As simple as I can boil it down to the essence and just say it...my pastor doesn't share my passion for the things I am all about. It just all feels so impersonal and focused on the inside of the church and I am so hopelessly mission focused and in tune to the external community and world. I feel like the sole beater of this drum. I don't share the pastors desire to shape and maintain the traditional culture...status quo... within the church as opposed to the importance of making disciples and sending them out. As with many other churches I realize there may be different directions and diverse ministries vying for a piece of the pie. I get that people have pet projects and feel protective of their turf and want to be recognized and funded. We all have our causes. However that is not an issue with me and I feel I am about the things that are important and weigh heavy on the heart of Jesus. The poor...the oppressed...the widow...the orphan...the prisoner in captivity of every sort. I have been charged with a task. In Isaiah 61, it says, “The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn...” The reality is that is of prime importance to Jesus and therefore myself as His disciple. The reality is that what the gospel is all about is ...missions. I am more convinced everyday that this attractional model of doing church only serves the church and not necessarily the lost and hurting world to a large degree. We become comfortable and lazy and satisfied within the confines of the four walls and everything become program driven and we lose our focus on mentoring and making disciples. These programs become our reason for being a church and those who drive them become territorial and inwardly focused and drift away from taking up the cross daily and giving sacrificially. A few years ago The Southern Baptist Convention appointed a task force to set in place specific steps to refocus and reignite a resurgence of the Great Commission. Their hope was to establish a grass roots movement to ensure the continued spread of the gospel to the world. What happened? Well, it took a year and 137 recommendations later and lots of discussions and more talking and some infighting and some wrangling over money and language...and here we are...a constructed evangelization program well laid out within the safety of the church for the participants to take the gospel door to door...placing ourselves in the big mix of many other churches and (false) gospels being sold at the front door. I'm sorry...again I say...it's just me. My observations...my opinions...I just don't see the gospel as something we can package up into a standardized....memorized...sales presentation to be delivered at someones front door when they are in almost the least receptive frame of mind possible. Seriously...who really thinks this is an acceptable method and feel good about doing it...not me. I know it's relational and there has always been a right place and time according to Gods design. He never fails us on that. I am not presuming to say that I know the right way or only way to evangelize...but I just don't think this is exactly what Jesus has in mind for us. The only way I can just barely say this is ok in my sight is that the “salesman” is out of the confines of the church and they are getting practice interacting with people and probably getting to defend their faith a lot. My problem and the root of my cognitive dissonance is that I believe the life changing power of the gospel comes into full force when we come along beside someone and are serving and developing a relationship just as Jesus so often did. I have discovered this is a far more powerful witness to people and has a much deeper value and long range and sustainable impact. I believe the gospel is best understood within the confines of a community where we aren't afraid to let others see our brokenness and can be open and honest with each other. I believe the gospel is spread hand to hand as we reach out to touch and heal the lives of others with the miraculous redemptive power of forgiveness and grace...and in that seemingly simple act of reaching out...we are healed as well...

Witches and confessing to iPhones...

2011-02-17T05:57:00.000-08:00

I saw a news story the other day that reflected the desperation of both our economy and of our spirit. I am pretty sure it was in Salem Massachusetts...one of the major witch centers of the world...where witches were being called on and were busy blessing houses and removing negative energy so that they would sell. Now, this says several different things to me. Immediately it says this homeowner is not a Christian and secondarily they are desperate for some kind of presumed blessing which will potentially cause their house to sell. I feel quite certain this is a “self made” man or woman who believes that their own power to create magic has failed and they have sought a higher power...a witch. I am at a loss how someone could actually believe this and be able to operate in any reasonable manner in the world. It's absolutely ludicrous to believe in something so absurd but people do believe in this and worse. Rabbits feet...horseshoes...four leaf clovers...and more. In Proverbs 11:25 it says, "A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed." When you're generous to others, God is going to be generous with you. As a Christian, it is obvious to me that unless I'm obeying God in the matter of following Him, God doesn't give me any actual guarantee to meet my needs. God is not obligated to meet any of my needs if I'm not obeying what He's told me to do. God says we can short circuit the power and the promises in our life. And certainly if you are not even plugged into Him in any manner then you have created an impossibility. That only leaves you one option...you're on your own. Honestly, to me that would be a very frightening prospect and selling a house would be the least of my worries. Plain and simple...God desires two things. He desires us to be in a close intimate relationship with Him and He desires our total dependence on Him. Do we depend on people we do not trust? Yes, we do and what happens? We get let down and disappointed. Our dependence on God is linked to our trust in Him. And that trust is linked to faith. The more faith we have in God, the more dependent we will be on Him. And the more surrendered in child like dependence, the more He takes care of us. So, there lies the problem...aside from the obvious. No trust in God...no relationship...no acknowledgment of Him as the risen savior and no faith except whatever we are able to do in our own power. It's called self reliance... and it seems to me, an unimaginable way to live. So, speaking of crazy and unimaginable things being important in peoples lives in a wrong way...I've got a doozie here...the new Apple “Confession: A Roman Catholic App”. Honestly, I thought it was a joke or a prank when I first heard about it. Nope...for $1.99 you could own it and not be left in the confessional booth sharing secrets with your priest. Yep...it was true and even blessed and approved by the Catholic church. It has been recently reported in the The Washington Post, last week, that a whopping 45 percent of Catholics never bother with going to confession and that only about a quarter of them go at least once a year. It seems that the up close and personal touch is what makes the confession of our sins so awkward and infrequent. So, this is the perfect sacrament/app for those who enjoy a more impersonal approach. To begin you enter your personal data...uh, creepy... and then answer a series of questions. Once completed, then you press the finish button which brings up a random spiritual quote from some long dead Catholic saint along with a lists of prayers and the Acts of Contrition based on your specific sins. Just so you know, I'm sure Apple probably reports the big sins...So, let me get this straight...I'm confessing my sins to an Apple device and it's doling out my punishment. I really never was too keen on the idea of a priest being a middle man between me and God before now and I am even less keen on the idea of it being an iPhone. Have we really just come to the point that we think this is ok? I will share a letter written in response to a news article dated February 16, 2011, in the La Canada Valley Sun from Flintridge California...

As a Protestant, I'm not going to have much favorable to say about an application that perpetuates what I believe to be an error at its root. Biblical confession is a matter of believers mutually sharing spiritual difficulties and leaning on one another for support to overcome them (James 5:16). It isn't about going into a box and revealing lurid details of your dark side to a guy behind the curtain. I’ve always wondered about priests that sit listening to endless confessions about masturbation and petty crime, afterward retaining the knowledge of every unsavory aspect of their parishioners’ lives. While I'm sure they generally view this information as a sacred trust, it has been used against people in times past by those in authority, including the priests themselves (no offense to the thousands of ethically well-behaved). The go-between nature of priestly confession also contradicts the Gospel message of direct access to God with direct forgiveness, since the only mediator between God and man is Jesus Christ, according to Scripture (1Timothy 2:5). Adding yet another middle-link in the equation seems all the more convoluted. Now, instead of interacting with fellow Christians, let alone a mediating man in black, there’s this passionless piece of programmed plastic that spews random quotes from dead saints like a Magic 8-Ball. This, after putting in vital information that could be hijacked or stolen, and once again, used against you. Imagine confessing to illicit thoughts or secret illegalities only to have them discovered by someone who gets a hold of your phone. Yikes!
I do believe that every advance in technology should be utilized for the sake of Christ, and there are already daily devotionals, Bible reading programs and other things available for Christians to use. But whether composing a Catholic iPhone confession will live beyond this app’s current novelty, we’ll see.

Rev. Bryan Griem
Montrose Community Church

So, witches and iPhone apps and any other foolish thing you choose will come and go and I think it's very obvious that God has boundless grace and mercy and even a sense of humor. But sometimes I just feel like His patience has got to be wearing thin...I know mine is...
For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Direct Orders - Anis Mojgani

2011-02-15T16:09:00.000-08:00

You have been given a direct order to rock the f**k out.
Rock out like you were just given the last rock n roll album on earth and the minutes are counting down to flames.
Rock out like you just won both showcase showdowns.
Rock out like the streets are empty except for you, your bicycle, and your headphones.
Rock out like your lips were just placed onto a break dancing muse with legs that go all the way up.
Rock out like publisher's clearing house is ringing at your front door.
Rock out like you'll never have to open up a text book again.
Rock out like you get paid to disturb the peace.
Rock out like music is all that you've got.
Rock out like you were standing on a roof top and city is as loud and glowing as a river flowing below you.
Rock out like the plane is going down and there are 220 people on board and 221 parachutes.
Rock out like the streets and books are all on fire and the flames can only be extinguished by doing the electric slide.
Rock out like it's Saturday afternoon and Monday was a national holiday.
Rock out like somebody's got a barrel pointed to your temple saying "Rock out like your life depended on it fool, because it does."
Rock out like your eyes are fading but you've still got your ears but you don't know for how long so rock out like 5 o clock time make it pop n lock time.
Rock out like you've got a pants full of tokens and nothing to do but everything.
Rock out like you are the international skee-ball champion of the entire universe.
Rock out like you just escaped an evil orphanage to join a Russian circus.
Rock out like your hero is fallen and you are spinning your limbs until they burst into a flaming pyre of remembrance.
Rock out like you are enslaved in the south and dancing is all that you have to know who you are.
Rock out like your dead grandfather just came back to take a ride with you in your brand new car.
Rock out like the table was full.
Rock out like the neighbors are away.
Rock out like the walls won't fall but damnit you're gonna die trying to make them.
Rock out like the stereo's volume knob only has the figure 8 of infinity on it instead of merely numbers.
Rock out like it's raining outside and you've got a girl to run through it with.
Rock out like you're playing football, football in the mud and your washing machines not broken.
Rock out like you threw your window open on your honeymoon because you want the whole world to know what love is.
Rock out like you just got a book published.
Rock out like you just went to your high school reunion and find out everyone even the women are all overweight and bald except for the former homecoming queen, who has just been divorced by her impotent husband and who only has eyes for you.
Rock out like you've got a date with Heidi Klum.
Rock out like the shadow of man passes behind you, drops you to your knees, you're buckling in a sweat, cold metal's pressed to your forehead, the trigger is pulled, and the gun jams.

Rock out like you've got an empty appointment book and a full tank of gas.
Rock out like Jimi has returned carrying brand new guitar strings.
Rock out like the mangos are in season.
Rock out like the record player won't skip.
Rock out like this was the last weekend, like these are the last words, like you don't ever want to forget how.

no roses...no chocolate...

2011-02-14T07:02:00.000-08:00

Well, we've arrived at that day of the year when all of our attentions are on flowers, chocolate and hearts...Valentines Day. I thought long and hard about all the worn out and tired cliches that will be bantered about today...all the guilt driven sentiments...all the money that will be spent. All the hollow “I love you's” that will echo around the world. Do I sound like a total Valentine cynic? As far as the so called holiday goes...I am. I'm sorry and I apologize in advance if I am wrecking the day or the luvy-duvy mood for you. I just cannot stand how we are so manipulated and tugged at sometimes very cleverly by advertisers and others to believe that this day has anything at all to do with love and affection. It doesn't and shouldn't. It however is a day to make us perhaps focus on the heart both visually, emotionally and spiritually. I feel like if there is anything good that comes out of this day maybe that is it. As a nurse, I have lots of experience with the heart in many different respects...mostly the brokenness and illness of it and the effects on everyone because of that. One thing I have come to understand and appreciate is that there are a lot of sick and broken hearts in the world. Often times they are visible and sometimes not. Many of us go out of our way to hide that brokenness until it overpowers us with very bad consequences. I remember the first time I saw a real human heart...utterly fascinating. Needless to say, it didn't look like the typical bright red artistic representation we so often see. I was just amazed about the intricacy of the design and function. It wasn't until many years that I really understood it as the seat of the soul and tried to understand the spiritual aspect of the heart. The mechanical stuff is amazing enough but the emotive and spiritual aspect in nothing short of mind blowing. It is an aspect of humans that we will never know or understand and I am pretty sure that God intended it that way. There are over 800 times that the word heart is used in the King James Version of the bible...and over 400 in the Message bible. That's quite a difference. Yeah...you might say different language or translation...I say they cut a lot of the heart out. Just an observation. I remember when I saw heart surgery for the first time. I always wondered...how do they stop the heart from beating? Iced cold almost frozen slushy saline solution...BAM...comes to a dead stop...pardon the pun. It becomes cold and almost frozen...it stops...we die. No different from what happens spiritually, right? We lose our passion...the things that set our hearts on fire...we become lukewarm...then cold...heartless, as they say...then we die. That is an amazing parallel and I didn't get it for a really long time. I was no different that many of us and was walking around looking apparently quite normal on the outside but had a sick and growing sicker heart that was poised to kill me. This is the semi-perfect plan of Satan and that is to attack and capture our hearts and then kill us from there...sometimes slowly and sometimes faster. I was NOT lucky...I was blessed....I recognized the disease in time by the symptoms that were wrecking everything in my life and making others around me sick as well. Apparently another part of Satan's plan is to blind us to these symptoms and how sick we really are until it's almost too late. This is what we do...we ignore the warning signs. Oh, they were there all right...perhaps very subtle at first but become progressively worse. We rationalize away our tiny seemingly inconsequential sins until we have a full blown crisis on our hands. God knew that we were going to have heart trouble. He constantly reminded us our hearts were wicked and prone to deception. In Proverbs 28: 26 it says, “He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool”. He knew. And in Jeremiah 17: 9 it says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”. He knew. What's the solution? Simple really...a heart transplant. Yeah...this is a service God provides for you with your wicked, deceitful and broken heart. In Ezekiel 11: 19 He says, “And I will give them one heart, and I will put a new spirit within you; and I will take the stony heart out of their flesh, and will give them an heart of flesh:”. Now how's that for a good deal? No lengthy hospital stays...no risk of complications or rejection...no lifetime of medications. Does that sound crazy? Am I reading too much into this here? No...actually, I don't think so. You see, it happened to me...I am a witness to the miraculous ability of God to redeem and restore us no matter how sick. The only thing that stands in the way is our stubbornness and refusal to submit and admit we are totally powerless to heal ourselves no matter how hard we try. It's called surrender. This is why there is such rampant self medication that we do to our selves with drugs, alcohol, porn, and material things. We have this basic flawed idea that we can treat this heart trouble with a bunch of meaningless and empty stuff. It is a paradox of extreme proportions and we don't have to look far to see it anywhere we are. There is this pain in the deep depths and recesses of our soul and we do our best to numb it however we can. We can't ignore it...we numb it. It doesn't go away. It's like a very hungry parasitic worm in our gut and no matter how much we eat...it isn't enough and does us no good to sustain life. The good news...we can escape this life robbing heart condition...just surrender. That's it...no more...no less...stop fighting...giving in doesn't mean giving up. So, today... take a look at your heart...not that fancy one that's red or pink and surrounded with a lacy paper doily and probably says something cheesy like...roses are red...violets are blue. I think Jesus probably...no, I'm sure... has a better one for you....and His says ...be mine...

thoughts on writing blogs...

2011-02-12T05:49:00.000-08:00

Writing blogs is a funny thing. I have thought about it a lot here lately as I seem to be writing much more than I normally do. In a way it sometimes feels like I'm writing a random note and putting it in a bottle and tossing it into the sea. I know a lot of what I think and feel compelled to write about is not random at all. I know that when I minimize distraction as I have this last month, writing comes easy and I feel inclined to write more. For me to write it is not a polished and complicated process. I actually don't know if that is either good or bad. I do know some who write are very disciplined and have rituals and a process they employ when they write. My writing seems to emanate from a wispy thought that seems to come into my awareness at sometimes odd and inopportune times. Once I began to dwell on it it just expands and flows from there. Sometimes the words in my head are coming faster than I can write or type. When I go back and read those...uh...I usually have to rewrite and polish that one much. However the nugget is always there. The most peculiar things can trigger these micro essays. Things I experience...things other people say...thoughts...dreams and visions. I cannot speak for others but I have found when I fast I have amazing graphic and technicolor dreams. Writing is a mind exercise that I find both challenging and relaxing. I am not sure if I have written enough yet to have a distinct style. Some who read my blogs may disagree, I actually try not to think about it because then I will feel the pressure to create it...over and over. You know like Stephen King or John Grisham...both very genre specific. I have always kind of had this little fantasy about writing a book. I have joked with many friends that I am going to write a book. Who knows? One thing I do know is that just sitting down and pouring out words on paper seems to be the easy part but there is much more involved. There is a science and a business behind every book you see for sale at Barnes & Nobel. I also know there are a lot of failures and what originally sounded like a good idea ends up at Goodwill selling for 25 cents. Writing, whether a book or a blog presupposes the idea that you have something interesting or worthwhile to say. But, if you have read any amount of blogs or self published books you find anything but that. It also is a little egotistical in that you feel like what you are writing is important...witty...relevant...or any other description you can add. You want people to read your words and have some sort of reaction. You want to be validated as as a writer and seek some type of approval from your readers. It's like the basic premise of most social media...you want readers...followers...an audience. It is rewarding as a writer of anything to know that your words...no matter how constructed...can affect those reading them. I am pretty sure it is safe to say that my writing lacks a degree of sophistication and style aimed at eliciting a specific response from readers. I think my thoughts are pretty raw...free flowing...and rambling at times but are always written from the heart. There is a feel when this happens because the writing takes a very conversational tone in my head and I think that makes it to the paper. I guess if I do actually have a goal when I write it is to just hear me speaking to you as you read. That actually is a pretty funny mental image as probably most of you don't know me or how I sound. So, use your imagination. I find the very act of creating something written just as satisfying as if I completed a painting. Both are really a visual exercise to me as I see the random thoughts and words coming together to complete a picture. I really laugh sometimes when my wife and I visit museums or art galleries and I look at some modern abstract art. I always say the same thing...”Heck, I could do that”. But, could I ? Probably not...I may come close but I can assure you that my artistic skills would very much pale in comparison. I think there is this inner creative urge in all of us and this can take many paths of expression. Writing is no different. Some people write fiction...poetry...news stories...plays. I think you get the point. There is an outlet available for us all to achieve our highest degree of artistic expression. I have a really good friend who is a writer and a gifted creative thinker. In addition to books and other writing projects he writes a blog of his thoughts on a variety of things. On one of his recent blogs, I was particularly struck and moved deeply by something he wrote. He said, “As a creator, you are a teacher, a role model, you are setting the moral compass of every person who interacts with your work”. that's just a little pressure..."setting the moral compass of every person that interacts with your work"...that's a really big statement. I guess that is what I hope to do sometimes but it seems a little too self assured for someone like me...I infrequently get a comment or two on my blog about things I say...or how I say them...certain things seem to resonate with certain people. I think those people are those who have been through some stuff...are going through some stuff...had some heartbreak. There is a relationship and a connection on a deeper level. I feel sometimes like I write naked...no, not literally...I just put it out there in a raw unpolished way. That is pretty scary sometimes as the thought occurs to me that maybe I am sharing too much in a too personal way. Then I become more analytical than I way to be and edit too much. I then become obsessed with crafting the process too much and for me it loses something in that process. I think the spontaneity and unpredictability is what works best for me. No matter if I ever become a published writer or not...that's one thing I hope never does change...something tells me it won't.

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. ~e.e. cummings

ancora imparando...

2011-02-10T07:10:00.000-08:00

I saw these words inscribed somewhere lately and I simply cannot remember where. I walked around with this saying, for weeks, popping into my consciousness at some of the most random moments. That was a sign to me that this had some really strong connection or was something important but I just couldn't connect the dots. I assumed that the language was probably Latin or Italian and attempted to translate. Latin...no, Italian...yes. The meaning was...”still learning”. I thought about this even more now that I knew what it said. I realized how crazy this is as it is both a question and a statement at the same time. Still learning? Having a medical background I really have come to the conclusion...you learn or you die. In Hosea 6:6 it says, ”My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children." Sometimes I feel like I get stuck in a place mentally, physically or spiritually. This period of being stuck can last varying lengths of time and it always feels long even when it isn't. That is because I hate to sit still and have a whole lot of difficulty focusing on one task at a time. My wife says I'm scattered. I am real good on the front end and getting something going but then...something happens. I lose my way...I veer off course. My usual plan, years ago, was to just give up and go on to something else. Abandonment...walk out...leave...quit. I finally think that I discovered in those times of fumbling and feeling inept that God just wanted me to just sit still. He wants me to sit in the mess for a little while...sometimes a long while. Sort of like Job...He wants me to see, hear, smell and taste this. He really does want me to suffer...as crazy ad that sounds. I am absolutely convinced that in the depth of my failure and misery He is trying to teach me something. I honestly can say that sitting in the middle of a big self made mess is pretty uncomfortable. We want to run...place blame...It took me a long time to see that this is how we learn the hard stuff. God wants us to be fully present...not focused on escape. He wants us to experience this fully with all of our senses. I repeat...He is trying to teach us something very profound and life changing here...so He holds us in place. It's like He is giving us a challenge test to see if we get to graduate to the next level. If we pass...we go on. If we don't...we get stuck and have to go through the spin cycle again. We are forever...ancora imparando...It seems like I have always had this amazing knack for doing practically everything the hardest and most difficult way possible. I just had this idea that things that weren't that important to me were meant to be rushed through. In that rushing through there was not much thought of others or discovery of any lessons I was supposed to be learning along the way. I bluffed a lot...shot from the hip...believed in luck and fate alone. I blew it...more than once. How I survived sometimes is a total mystery...but not really. I know God had a plan...a life long plan that despite my best efforts, could not be thwarted. So, I struggled with getting stuck until I figured it out and then we moved on. The learning doesn't ever stop nor does it respect any desire you may have for it to. God is showing us stuff all the time in many different ways. Sometimes He can be very subtle and with a nudge here or somewhere else he calls class into session. Sometimes, the lesson may be very critical...life saving perhaps. That is when things can get very interesting and God uses extreme measures to get our attention. Like Jonah in the belly of a whale...a burning bush...manna from Heaven. With these types of things you know that the lesson is on the way and is soon to follow...just be ready. Be open to the possibility that you don't know it all. What we do know is so infinitesimally small...it's impossible to compare to what God has available to teach you. I know that as much as I have learned about God and my relationship with Him in the last fifteen years...I am so far away from even being close to knowing much of anything. But,.there is one thing I do know...for an absolute certainty and that is....I am...ancora imparando...

2011-02-09T07:27:00.000-08:00

Oh Yes

there are worse things than

being alone

but it often takes decades

to realize this

and most often

when you do

it's too late

and there's nothing worse

than

too late.

Charles Bukowski

I expected better than this...

2011-02-08T06:57:00.000-08:00

I don't know if you have a Whole Foods grocery market near where you live or not...but I don't. However, every Saturday morning my wife and I drive up to the big city for Spanish class. There is a Whole Foods near our class so we stop in for a little shopping sometimes when we pass by. One of the things they offer at the store is a hot and cold food bar with a variety of items to eat in or take home and that area is ALWAYS very busy,,,especially on a Saturday. So, nosy me wanted to see what the buzz was all about so we decided to have lunch... at the grocery. Two words...bad idea. Apparently the people who shop here and think that this food is something to get jostled around for are either crazy, really hungry or desperate to make the local quasi hipster scene. Seriously, I was surprised at how bad the food was. To steal a local cliche...”I shaved my legs for this?” really fit here. The food was way undercooked and essentially flavorless. I think my wife summed it up best when she said, “ I expected better than this...”. Yeah, me too...So, I started thinking about how our expectations can ruin things. Expectations are a funny thing. They are a mechanism of control in the purest form. We , in effect, are trying to predict and influence an outcome by merely what we think. WOW...is that ever mind control...or what? We set up an expectation of something, someone or anything and when it doesn't match up we are disappointed. It seems this happens to us so many times and in immeasurable ways. I know that I have been guilty of it a lot...but I think I am getting better as I get older. The problem is that we most frequently expect the unlikely or the unobtainable...we set the bar high. I mean really...how good could food... not freshly prepared sitting in pans on a steam table...in a grocery store....really be. Our expectations are so high we never leave even the slightest room to be pleasantly surprised. We, in effect anticipate the unrealistic...a lot. I think it is helpful to recognize that an expectation is both a creative and personal thing and thus we all may have very different expectations of the exact same thing. Any given expectation is based on our imagination and experience. So, many of us are doomed with unrealistic expectations about most everything based on those two facts alone. So back to my lunch at the grocery. As bad as I personally thought it was, apparently many others had a much lower expectation than myself. I am sure someone living in dire poverty would have thought it a supreme feast. Great...so now I feel like a jerk to complain and feel entitled enough to even eat there. So, I thought how these same failed expectations can disillusion me as a Christian. We set God up in so many different ways. We often times treat God in the same manner as many of our earthly relationships in that we set them up to fail. We have to realize that since these expectations are a product of our making we personally need to accept responsibility for their success or failure. However, this is rarely the fact as we place blame and put our sometimes blatant disappointment on others. We listen to incessant negative self talk in our heads. How arrogant and self serving of us to question God in some perceived failure of Him to meet OUR expectations. As ridiculous as it sounds that is exactly what we do...a lot. I am thinking of a classic example...I thought God would heal me. You cannot have any kind of expectation of what God will do without strong faith in His ability to accomplish the task at hand. You ask to be healed but yet your ever so tiny amount of doubt and lack of true belief in miracles stands in the way. It would appear once again that with these types of expectations we are right smack back to that control issue. My expectation is that it will happen in this way and in this time frame. Maybe it will...maybe it won't. We love to impose our requirements onto Gods will and timing. If it doesn't go the way you expect then it interferes with your faith and relationship with God. What happens when people don't get healed and they die....what happens when a loved one gets taken very unexpectedly? We say the same thing...well, I never expected things to go like this. Do you think God did? Of course, He did but that is not very comforting in our time of grief. I thought it would go like this...my expectation was...life was gonna be easier if I became a Christian...Really? That was your expectation? Do we really expect that we will always get our way because that is what we honestly expect God will do? Really? Yeah, we do. And what happens when we don't ? We pout...we place blame...we may even withdraw and become depressed. There are many reactions but we generally don't analyze any root cause for these failures but mostly because we don't want to see our hand in them. I have been a disappointment to my children and they to me because of expectations. I have hurt and disappointed people that I have loved because I just couldn't measure up sometimes. I still don't measure up sometimes and fall short of an expectation someone has placed on me based on the little they know about me. I hate that. I hate to be a disappointment based on some unknown standard that I am held up to. I really don't know the answer or the way around that one...I wish I did. Perhaps it's simply just getting to know me better...seeing my weaknesses...my abilities...my heart. I am just as guilty of this as anyone else but as I said earlier I think I am getting better about not holding the bar so high. I really just am trying mostly to concentrate on the expectations that God has for me...”To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God”. That's all...no more...no less...and if doing that... then you're meeting some big expectations and I doubt if you would ever hear...”I expected better than this...”

thoughts while fasting...

2011-02-04T06:53:00.000-08:00

A couple of days ago, I ended a thirty day fast...yes, thirty days. Not only no food for thirty days but no TV, no daily Twitter, no Facebook and no background noise like radio. I have tried to be as intentional with silence and quiet as I could. It really is one of those things I have a problem with most of the time when I am home alone. I tried to be as productive as I could during this fast by writing...a lot...reading much, listening to podcast, studying Spanish, praying...a lot, and just being still and listening. All of those not necessarily in that order. Here is a list of the top ten things I have gleaned during this time...

1.We really do eat a lot of preservatives and chemicals and way too much processed foods. Some of the stuff we eat is really shocking when you read labels...that's why we don't. We eat way too much sugar. In fact, we eat way too much of everything...period. Many reasons for this but too lengthy to get into here. We really need to get back to eating “REAL” food...the other is killing us and making us really fat and sick.

2.Television is purely an object dedicated to and designed for mind control.... even if not turned on. We are convinced by clever marketing we are total neanderthals if we do not have a “big flat screen” hanging on the wall. I feel the tug when I look at the Best Buy ad in the Sunday paper. There isn't much that's soul stirring and benefic for anyone who understands the mind numbing effects of what is the supposed cool thing to watch. It's a marketing tool...that's all

3.I think the so called terrorist that continually plaque our national psyche are generally not too bright. The US government and most media loves to stir us up by constant fear mongering. Their agenda is becoming more obvious. I think the threat of what harm they can do is vastly overstated. I think there is more to be feared from another “Katrina” type storm hitting the US. We have become accustomed to living in a perpetual state of fear...we are easier to control that way...I guess

4.God is omniscient. I mean every single little thing...He knows. The how and why? That's the mystery part... that there are some things we will just never know...no matter how much we ask and seek an answer. We sometimes demand answers from God...He feels no urgency to answer despite our impatience and arrogance.

5.God is omnipotent. Whatever He wants to do...for whatever purpose...whether we like it or not...He is able. No matter how big...no matter how small...things pose no challenge for His ability. He cannot and will not do anything contrary to His nature...I repeat...

6.God is omnipresent. This is the one that really blows the mind...the vastness...the hugeness...the sheer largess. Immeasurable. Just the idea of being...everywhere...anywhere...all the time. That should be enough to give us comfort...but usually doesn't. What we see and know of God is a mere speck. If that doesn't make you want to know more...then something is wrong...

7.There are really a LOT of people that are generally selfish, preoccupied, rude, arrogant and live lives feeling entitled. They do not acknowledge nor understand the source of their good life. There are many who like to talk and act with compassion but only when it benefits them. Note: not throwing stones here...I am just as guilty.

8.I am broken and sick with a multitude of illnesses...prejudice, intolerance, fear, etc. I am no different than the leper that Jesus healed...we all are. That's not easy to say. We like to wear mask to hide the same disfigurements that the leper suffered from. Trust me...they are there. We need a healing touch from Jesus...no matter how “OK” you think you might be.

9.We need others and living in community is essential to our survival. Isolation is very dangerous. It is both sad and amazing how many people live alone without the benefit of significant human interaction. We don't know our neighbors...or even want to. We are afraid to reach out...take a chance...touch someones life in a powerful way. We are changed by living in community irrespective of its' composition.

10.Finally, stillness and quiet is ok. Most people find it very difficult...if not impossible. We are assaulted daily by a barrage of stimuli and it is very tiring and detrimental to our health. Even in a conversation we are uncomfortable with the pauses and fill them with idle chatter. Some people just refuse to be quiet. But, honestly, it's ok...because He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” ...and He will.

Was that worth thirty days of not eating, twittering, or watching Fox news/CNN all day? Yes...without a doubt... and with no reservations I will plan on doing it again. It's good to stand back...take a breath...and look at all the things that in one way or another are slowly trying to kill you. It is good to reconfigure your journey and the story you are writing with your life...it's called editing,,,and it's necessary and valuable. I think that a little rewriting or some extra film on the cutting room floor actually isn't such a bad thing for any of us. It redefines and sharpens our senses. We can see our dreams better and we can hear the voice of God speaking more clearly without endless distractions...and that's not a bad trade.

poetry for a cold and snowy thursday...

2011-02-03T05:17:00.000-08:00

Be Kind

we are always asked
to understand the other person's
viewpoint
no matter how
out-dated
foolish or
obnoxious.

one is asked
to view
their total error
their life-waste
with
kindliness,
especially if they are
aged.

but age is the total of
our doing.
they have aged
badly
because they have
lived
out of focus,
they have refused to
see.

not their fault?

whose fault?
mine?

I am asked to hide
my viewpoint
from them
for fear of their
fear.

age is no crime

but the shame
of a deliberately
wasted
life

among so many
deliberately
wasted
lives

is.

Charles Bukowski

shadow and light and ...Groundhogs?

2011-02-02T07:14:00.000-08:00

Alas! must it ever be so?

Do we stand in our own light, wherever we go,

And fight our own shadows forever?

~Edward Robert Bulwer Lytton

Today is Groundhog's Day. It just serves to prove that we can pretty much have a holiday for about anything...and we do. So, if it is cloudy and overcast and this big fat cousin to a rat sees no shadow...then spring is imminent. However, if the groundhog sees his shadow...back underground he goes and six more weeks of winter is in store. So I got to thinking about darkness and light and shadows as being harbingers of things to come, whether good or bad. It seems to be a funny paradox really, as you would think if sunny you would be overjoyed and encouraged and want to stay out of a dank cold hole in the ground. Another meaning of Groundhog Day has been popularized by the Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day where he endlessly relived the day...over and over again in order to glean some spiritual truths and change into a better person. We can find ourselves in the same predicament and suffer our own version of a groundhog day and it can last for a long time. God is always trying to show us some stuff about Himself in relation to us and is trying to teach us these same truths. Does it ever seem to you sometimes that you are doing the same things over and over again... often times with the same results? It has been suggested that the definition of insanity is repeating your same behavior endlessly and expecting a different result. Thankfully, God is very patient with us and allows to find our way out of the maze...most of the time. Unfortunately it just takes some of us a really long time and we give up in frustration. The amazing thing is that no matter how difficult the challenge or how long and winding the road...He is always there...patiently waiting on us. The other reason today is very special is because, in historical Christian tradition, this is the day that Jesus was presented at the temple to perform the redemption of the firstborn and the ritual purification of His mother, Mary. This was a very significant occasion as there was an ancient prophecy that was fulfilled on that day. When Joseph and Mary entered the temple with their son, Jesus, they met a man named Simeon who received the baby Jesus and prayed a prayer called the Nunc Dimittis,

Nunc dimittis servum tuum, Domine, secundum verbum tuum in pace:

Quia viderunt oculi mei salutare tuum

Quod parasti ante faciem omnium populorum:

Lumen ad revelationem gentium, et gloriam plebis tuae Israel.

This is translated as,

Now Thou dost dismiss Thy servant, O Lord, according to Thy word in peace;

Because my eyes have seen Thy salvation,

Which Thou hast prepared before the face of all peoples:

A light to the revelation of the Gentiles, and the glory of Thy people Israel.

So, essentially Simeon is saying here is that not only has a prophecy given to him been fulfilled but here is a light...a glorious light that represents salvation for the world. Simeon saw and recognized this light the minute he laid his eyes on Jesus. I just think of the lyrics of the great praise and worship song Marvelous Light, “Into marvelous light I'm running, Out of darkness, out of shame. By the cross you are the truth, You are the life, you are the way...” So, back to our groundhog friend. The thing that really confuses me with Groundhog Day is the idea of running back into darkness from the light. It just seems counter intuitive. Jesus is the Light of the world. All things that surround Him become shadows in His light. When we step into that light something happens...things in us...never before seen,,,become exposed. Sometimes pretty...sometimes not...but always surprising. In representing visual art, shadows adds complexity, depth and dimension. Without this critical element a picture or painting would look flat...lifeless...dull...even boring. But when it is added a subject stands out, a scene becomes lifelike, and a landscape is made more dramatic often times affecting us in a very profound way. As a whole, the entire work of art becomes alive, beauteous and meaningful. Living a lifestyle of worship turns all our anxieties and troubles into cast shadows in His perfect light, making God the central focus. Every time we worship even in our times of extreme difficulty, a shadow is added to this big painting on this canvas of our life. As a result of this, we are given an enhanced view of the divine picture - it becomes three-dimensional. A clearer view of His good, pleasing, and perfect will for us emerges, with God standing out plainly as the main subject. I know that this is probably a very complicated take on a dirty, smelly and scared of his shadow rodent coming out of a hole in the ground...checking the weather...and giving us hope... or dashing it. Has it really come to this? Do we hang our hopes for the renewal that spring brings on a groundhog? Really? If it's all the same to you, I think I'll just celebrate Nunc Dimittis...

kicking and screaming...

2011-01-31T07:06:00.000-08:00

I cannot lie...I really do like to get my way. I think it's something that got started long ago when I was a baby. The sad fact is it just gets worse as we get older. The funny thing is that we find all different ways to justify getting our way based on a variety of excuses. I think that's called rationalization. In other words, it's trying to find a good reason for something we know that is wrong. Over the years my reasons may have changed but the basic fact is that sometimes I, quite childishly, still want my way. It's simple, really...we see something that we want...we go after it. If we are successful then all's right with the world. However, if we are not...this is where the trouble begins. We go through everything in our bag of tricks. If none of the most benign things work then things become complicated. Then we ...sin. Yep...we have gotten so good at getting our way we can even rationalize breaking Gods laws to get our way. Of course, we don't really think of that as being sin, right? Even in the face of logic and overwhelming common sense...in the very presence of God...we still insist that we are right. I have thought a lot about what drives this urge in me and others. I think I've got it...one word...control. If I am always getting my way in everything I do then I am in perfect control and if not...well, we have a problem. This type of control is self defeating and ultimately strangling as we are unable to live apart from control and perfect order. The reality we know is... that world doesn't exist... but that doesn't stop us. The basic flaw in the supposition that I can create this so called perfect world is that I always know what is best for me and everyone else. This creates in us an arrogance and living with such a sense of entitlement that it leaves no room for God to wreck our lives. We become cynical and it is an inconvenience when God intervenes into our carefully planned day. This is why we desperately cling to things that are known and comfortable. We feel safe living out our ordinary life in the confines of a box we create. We, in effect, become prisoners to our prejudices and fears. Anything out of our realm of safety and sameness is scary and threatening to us. To become a disciple of Jesus and to follow Him it can only be one way...His way...the narrow way. To become His disciple there is a cost and a sacrifice that many of us are unwilling to bear. We want it our way most of the time and the way of Jesus a little. Sadly, that is not compatible with the kind of life that Jesus calls us to, as a follower. We want to live a half and half life. Uh...sorry, no good. I think Jesus is very clear here when He says to give up everything and follow. It doesn't mean to follow in a way that reflects that you are getting your way. No, it means to follow in totality and surrender and that is scary for many of us because that life is unpredictable and feels out of control. The actual danger of this type of living is that it adversely affects the development of our faith. Our faith cannot possibly be strengthened if we always get our way and believe it is with our efforts alone that good things happens. That only creates in us self reliance and that is a destroyer of faith. The other danger is that we try to get Jesus to do what we want Him to do in order to get our way. We reshape Jesus to fit our lives. We redefine Jesus to get Him to be compatible with our worldview and consequently diminish the importance of reflecting Him in all we do. I cannot be selfish and always desiring to get my way and attempt to be a witness to others of the transforming power of the gospel. It's called living a lie...being a phony...a hypocrite...or as Jesus said, “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, hypocrites that you are! You are like whitewashed tombs, which indeed look fair outside, while inside they are filled with dead men’s bones and all kinds of filth. It is the same with you. Outwardly, and to others, you have the look of religious men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and sin.” That's pretty strong. So many times I have heard from those who choose not to follow Christ that the church is phony and full of theses so called posers doing make pretend Christianity. I say... yeah, true...so what? My job or purpose is not to reform my or any other church. My decision to follow Jesus is based on a relationship with Him and to reflect, bring glory, and share His truth with the world in how I live that out. My attitude and actions should be a powerful witness to others....not only when I succeed but when I fail as well. It is no longer important for me to get my way anymore as I develop an understanding of walking with Jesus, being humble and serving others looks like. I become less and less important and I become not so egocentric. A baby is egocentric because as far as they know nothing exists beyond their very selves. A small child who throws themselves down on the floor at Walmart, having a fit, is learning the most primal theory of stimulus and response. If I cry and scream and make a big enough scene...I'll get my way. This actually works almost all the time because we give in and that reinforces the behavior. As we get older we just get more sophisticated and that is called manipulation. Some of us get very good at it...very good. If you have kids you have worked over at some point ...or soon will be. The problem occurs when you are so used to manipulating others, to get your way, you try it with God. I often just sit and imagine that He really gets a big hearty laugh at that one. I think it's a good thing that we can entertain God from time to time. I know that I have probably made Him laugh a lot...and still do...

I am a leper...

2011-01-28T10:01:00.000-08:00

"A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees,“If you are willing, you can make me clean.” Jesus was indignant. He reached out his hand and touched the man.“I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cleansed. Jesus sent him away at once with a strong warning:“See that you don’t tell this to anyone. But go, show yourself to the priest and offer the sacrifices that Moses commanded for your cleansing, as a testimony to them.” Instead he went out and began to talk freely, spreading the news. As a result, Jesus could no longer enter a town openly but stayed outside in lonely places. Yet the people still came to him from everywhere. "

So, recently I have been thinking of the so called untouchables who live on the fringes of our communities in today's time. I'm thinking that not much has changed in regard to our response and treatment of the marginalized and truly least of these. In the time of Jesus, leprosy was a terrible disease to have. It was disfiguring and debilitating both physically and psychologically. People with leprosy, in effect, became their disease and lived lives as victims thinking they were being punished by God. If you had leprosy you were doomed to live in exile away from friends, family, and your church. Everything that could provide you support and encouragement was taken away and you were left alone...literally. However, all that changed one day when one totally audacious leper approached Jesus and dared to ask to be healed. In these five short verses in Mark there is a lot happening there that changes everything in both this lepers life, people in his community and in the healing ministry of Jesus. In different translations of the Bible it tells us what the response of Jesus was to this leper. Some say Jesus was moved with compassion and another says he was moved with pity and sympathy. I like best what the New International Version says...”Jesus was indignant”. I think this word, indignant, may have perfectly well summed up how Jesus may have reacted...”feeling, characterized by, or expressing strong displeasure at something considered unjust, offensive, insulting, or base”. There were many reasons for Jesus to be indignant here aside from essentially being dared to heal this leper. He was indignant at the system that denied this leper and He was indignant at the disease and the evil it represented. However, the point is that Jesus was both indignant and felt compassion at the same time. I think about this in relation to someone suffering with a life threatening disfiguring disease or mired in the grip of extreme poverty. We can certainly be angry at the disease or the situation and yet simultaneously feel extreme compassion for the victim. We can be very angry and also have righteous indignation at the oppressive evil and injustice in the world and because of it be moved with compassion just as Jesus was. So...ok, we've got compassion...great, but now what? Well, now comes the next critical piece...reaching out our hands and... touching. Although, we have read and heard many times of how stunning and radical it was for Jesus to touch this leper, I'm still not sure we get the full impact of what happened there that day. In that one touch...in that instant...the world was turned upside down as one of the strictest laws of the day was shattered. In effect, Jesus and the leper made an exchange...they traded places. I am at a loss to think of anything that Jesus could have done more upsetting, more revolutionary, more reverberating or...more loving. This was the essence of the restoration that comes by being loved by Jesus and touched in the most powerful way possible...receiving grace and redemption and healing both physically and emotionally. Our illnesses that we bear are inextricably linked together...both the physical and the emotional. So many times we pray for healing of a physical ailment or condition but neglect the emotional component. If you have ever suffered from a chronic disease or condition you understand that sometimes your identity becomes that disease. In effect, you become cancer, diabetes, HIV/AIDS, homelessness, poverty, or anything else that robs you of living fully. It becomes your identity and we live our lives as victims. The problem with that, of course, is we never have to accept responsibility for our lives or any decisions affecting them. Jesus was the master of looking beyond the obvious physical infirmities and speaking healing into our souls. Who are those that are like lepers in our communities? What is our own personal and our churches relationship to such people that have been marginalized.? Are there people whom we wouldn't dare touch with the proverbial ten foot pole? Say yes here...because there are. Would Jesus still want to touch them? Do you ever feel like this daring risk taking leper? Or would you rather suffer with your infirmities afraid to ask Jesus to heal your brokenness? Who do we treat like lepers in our communities? Who is shut out and excluded from a loving community? What is our churches response and relationship to such people? I think we know the answer to that one, right? Are there people whom we wouldn't want to touch, even if we could? Have we ever experienced Jesus like this leper? How has Jesus healed and restored us to wholeness? Are we ever the Levitical priests in this story? Are our churches the "them" who need a witness about the power and authority of Jesus? I know...a lot of questions...Answers? Just curious...

calling bluffs and going all in...

2011-01-26T05:56:00.000-08:00

Many years ago, while working as a traveling nurse, I lived in Las Vegas. I found it to be one of the most paradoxical places I have ever lived. In the midst of all the glitter and glam and incredible amounts of neon there was much literal and figurative darkness. I can assure you that being a resident there as opposed to being a tourist you have a whole different sensibility. There is abject homelessness and poverty in the face of what appeared to be extreme wealth. It could be quite deceptive though, as a lot of people liked to look like they were living large high rollers if only for a weekend and Vegas caters to that. There's an obvious difference between the “haves” and “have nots” and that drives a lot of crime there. It's a big tease... making one believe the big jackpot will come...eventually. I also loved to watch seemingly normal people come for a visit and and shortly lose their minds there in lots of different ways. It usually didn't take too long...a couple days of gambling...not eating right,,,not sleeping much...and constant sensory overload. I will admit that I frequented a few casinos from time to time and one of the things I really enjoyed was watching people gamble. It truly is one of the most mystifying and fascinating things in the world. I eventually discovered that there were amazing masters of gambling psychology who ran these casinos and we, the foolish and naive gambler, were at their mercy from the time we walked in the front door. If we only knew we never had a chance....well, maybe just a very slim one. Anyway, there was one type of gambler I particularly liked to watch...the amateur poker player. There was a very wide spectrum of amateur poker players...older grandmas and grandpas...college kids...women...girls...men...literally every description imaginable. They each had their own style and idiosyncrasies and quirks. These are what the pros study in detail when sending you away from their tables....humiliated and beaten. People are predictable and that is more that apparent when they get good cards. Let's just say the “poker face” is not a well developed tool with most casual infrequent players. My favorite thing, by far, is when someone goes “all in”. So, all in means you push in the entirety of your chips on the bet that you have what it takes to win the pot. So, I got to thinking about going all in... whether if gambling or just in our daily life. What really prompts this decision? I maintain it boils down to one simple idea...faith. Granted, that faith may be misplaced on a lot of different things. But, in order to act in most everything we do, it requires faith at the core of that decision. I had discovered quite a while back that faith was not passive nor a noun. I can say I have faith but, to me, that sounds nebulous and difficult to measure. Jesus talked a lot about faith and it almost always seemed to be tangible and linked with fear. As difficult as it may be to measure, Jesus was clear when He said, in Matthew 17:20, “He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

As small as a mustard seed...now THAT'S pretty small. That one fact should be a clue to us how powerful Christian faith actually is. However there is an even more critical element to the power of your faith and that is the action part. This is the place where it changes from noun to verb. It's one thing to believe something but unless tested the faith remains static, passive and does not strengthen and grow. Again, Jesus was very clear on this as well when He said, in James 2:14-17, “What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

So, back to our gambler...He may believe that he has the best possible chance to win...he may have (mis)placed faith in his cards, fate or whatever...but, unless he commits the physical act of pushing the chips in...nothing happens. Unfortunately, a lot of gamblers like many Christians like to hedge their bets...meaning hold a little back. What does that mean? Essentially lack of total faith. We live this way a lot because we let fear stand in the way of living a radical all in life. In a much earlier blog I wrote about when Jesus called John and James away from their nets and their family fishing business. What I wrote was,“ Jesus wasn't just talking about fishing nets here. What was shown to me is Jesus was speaking here in a figurative sense as He often did. He was telling Peter and Andrew, and all of us, to drop their "safety" nets not necessarily just their fishing nets. What is a safety net ? It is that thing that catches us when we fall.” We find comfort and security in our various nets. So, the dropping of those nets is the faith piece but is incomplete until we step out and follow. Sadly, many of us are hesitant...clutching desperately our pile of chips...afraid...tentative...weighing the consequences of a misstep...wondering if our safety net will catch us. We want to live in a one foot in and one foot out kind of way. I love the excitement that is generated at a poker table when someone, with a big pile of chips, decides to go all in. I remember sometimes watching...holding my breath...praying. Silly, huh? But, really...what if we could just let go for one time...go all in...push away the pile of everything we thought so important...and let Jesus catch us? What if...

insufficiency...

2011-01-25T12:31:00.000-08:00

I went to see a friend today...at a funeral home. Suddenly, tragically and unexpectedly someone I knew was gone. In a blink of an eye...things changed for her husband...her son...her family...and many who knew her. I really do dislike immensely going to see people at funeral homes...I can say with complete certainty that every one that I have gone to has been surreal. I guess I would say it started with looking at my father lying in repose, in his dress Army uniform, when I was thirteen. It really was an occasion that birthed more questions than answers and that hasn't changed. That's funny...I just realized I wrote...questions were “birthed” at a death. See what I mean? How weird is that? But, it's true. I have as many questions now as I did then except I know a lot more of the standard pat answers we give to thirteen year old boys. Oddly enough, that is the age of her son. What can I say to him that makes any sense? Nothing...nada...zero...zilch...absolutely nothing. There is no sense to be made out of a thirteen year old losing a mom or a dad, right? There comes a big tear in the fabric of our lives that has been woven over time. Some have described it as a “hole in their heart” or in many other descriptive but insufficient ways. Everything will change...everything will be different...everything you know about the world changes. This is going to hurt...a lot. You will lose some innocence...I am touched by the biting sting of death of a loved one and I have a sour taste in my mouth. Everything you are or hope to be will have the faint taste of this loss on it. How do you explain that to a thirteen year old boy? Nobody even tried to for me...I kind of wish they had...

heck yeah I'm hungry...

2011-01-24T07:21:00.000-08:00

So, here I am on day 22 of a fast and I really am feeling ok even though some think I am completely insane. Al I can say in my defense is...that's ok. This is something I do...I believe in...I understand...and really, it's ok. I found this piece I wrote two years ago, about this same time along, during a similar fast. I think it's worth reposting now as I pretty much feel the same and perhaps you will understand...why it's ok.

I am thinking about hunger again. I know that seems to be a frequently visited topic in my blog posts, but… It really is something we need to think about more. I am not only thinking about physical hunger but I am specifically thinking about the deep hunger for God. Jesus spoke quite often about the hungry and hunger. In Luke 4:1-2 it says, “ Then Jesus, being filled with the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness, being tempted for forty days by the devil, And in those days He ate nothing, and afterwards, when they had ended, He was hungry.” And Satan being the ever clever liar was aware of that hunger and tried to get Jesus to turn a stone into bread. Imagine how hungry Jesus must have been after forty days? Some of us can barely last four hours. The devil knows that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach especially when really hungry. This was also apparent even in Old Testament days as Esau sold his birthright to his brother Jacob for some lentil stew. That was an expensive meal. However there is a tool that is available and often used to call our appetite into submission. It is a fast. Now I am not going into all the details and the whys and wherefores of fasting here. There are plenty of books written if you need to do a scholarly investigation on fasting. I will simply say it is a very powerful weapon when teamed with prayer to tap into the power of God to speak into your life. The enemy, Satan, wants you distracted and hungry for food and things of the world. When you fast and pray you focus sometimes very intensely on desiring what God wants and waiting to hear what that is. There is a long and extensive history of fasting in the bible and some amazing things have happened secondary to fasting and praying. Moses fasted and so did Jonah, Daniel, David and Elijah among others. Fasting takes you away from the world; it is a renewal of your spirit and a powerful form of worship. Fasting gives me an opportunity to change my diet. It is amazing when I am not attentive to what I eat that I gain weight and am still hungry. I am overfed as many of us are but lacking something in my diet. Fasting helps me to focus on Jesus, the one who can satisfy real hunger. The temporary hunger I feel is just that…temporary. It has to constantly be satisfied in a variety of ways. We struggle to appease this never filled feeling that affects everything in our lives, our jobs, our relationships and our sense of self worth. We become enmeshed in a tangled mess of lies and deception and live lives in the desperation of having to consume stuff to mollify our hunger. I have decided to tackle this issue and look at my own personal hunger. For all of us it is different. For many of us it is uncomfortable. It is not easy to face something which we hate to admit controls us and drives our every decision. But there is a reward to be had in doing this. In the bible in 2 Chronicles 7:14, it says, “ if My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and forgive their sin and heal their land.” Can you deny that we all need to repent and receive forgiveness? Can you deny the blatant truth that this land needs healing now more than ever before? Our hunger for the wrong things in this world has almost pushed us over the edge and for many it already has. It’s time. It really is time to stop the madness that pushes us to run in circles and never find peace. There is only one way. I think that it is clear what that way is. So, the question then becomes which you will choose. Are you hungry?? What will feed you this year? Or maybe we should ask…who will we feed??

Human trafficking...the Apocalypse...now

2011-01-21T07:22:00.000-08:00

Every two minutes, while I am sitting here writing these words, a child is sold into sex slavery. Does that shock you ? Maybe not...But, here's the reality of this tragedy...it isn't stopping and by some estimates is worsening. If you just read the many reports and see the staggering numbers being tossed out it can be so overwhelming as to cause paralysis. One may think...there are so many...everywhere...what can I possibly do. I am reminded of the quote by Robert Kennedy:
“Few are willing to brave the disapproval of their fellows, the censure of the colleagues, the wrath of their society. Moral courage is a rarer commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence. Yet it is the one essential, vital quality for those who seek to change a world that yields most painfully to change. Each time a person stands up for an idea, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.”
The US State Department has estimated that between fifty to one hundred thousand women and children are being trafficked for the specific purpose of sex slavery. In addition there are more than twenty five thousand brought into the country from many other international locations for the same purpose. Granted the numbers are always in flux but each organization defends their number. For example, in 2001, the FBI estimated 700,000 women and children were trafficked worldwide, UNICEF estimated 1.75 million, and the International Organization on Migration (IOM) merely 400,000. In 2001, the UN drastically changed its own estimate of trafficked people in 2000 -- from 4,000,000 to 1,000,000. As many as 7,000 Nepali girls as young as 9 are sold annually into India's red-light districts, 200,000 in the last decade. Afghani women are sold into prostitution in Pakistan for around 600 rupees - less than $4 a pound, depending on their weight. About 50,000 Asian, Latin American and Eastern European women and children are trafficked into the United States for sexual exploitation, the going rate between $12,000 and $18,000 each.
No matter how debatable...these numbers...no matter how many...have faces. The sad fact is that we look at these numbers and still are not moved into compassionate action to support the rescue of these victims. Where is our righteous indignation? That same kind of anger and action shown when Jesus cleaned house... in His house, so to speak. Our anger wells up in us for a minute or maybe more when we read these endless stories of children being trafficked for sex and then we are on to the next thing. Where is that passion and anger at (barely) speakable sins and incredible injustice that makes us want to turn over some tables of our own? Just sitting here thinking about a twelve year old girl having to have sex with ten to twelve grown men a day makes my blood pressure go up and sickens my stomach. But it certainly will take more than that to move many of us into action. As with most social justice issues like poverty, homelessness, hunger, addictions and lack of access to education and medical care, it will not seem real until it's personal and up close. Unless these issues directly affect you or someone in your family...you have no clue. You are only guessing what it must be like at fourteen or fifteen years old to be beat daily by a pimp you call “daddy”. Or selling your daughter for a paltry sum to support an addiction...I mean really, just how bad does it have to get? I am sure there some who are on the front lines of this fight that could tell many stories...well...maybe not...maybe they can't get the words out anymore...Our tolerance for what we will accept for these children is way beyond what it should be. The things we condone by our apathy become, in effect, the things we agree to. What is right and moral and worth turning tables over for becomes hazier and less important the farther away we get from it. Even though there is a lot of talk and advocacy going on with this issue the action part seems to be very lacking. Last year, I discovered the term is called “slactivism.” As per WIKIPEDIA...”The word is usually considered a pejorative term that describes "feel-good" measures, in support of an issue or social cause, that have little or no practical effect other than to make the person doing it feel satisfaction. The acts tend to require minimal personal effort from the slacktivist.” I can assure that there will be some benefit but things as evil as child sex trafficking will not diminish by wearing a ribbon, a bumper sticker, or a rubber arm bracelet. No...there's gonna have to be more...there simply has to be courageous, determined and sustained action. But to do the action part we have to move in close and get our hands dirty and that's where we fall short.. What an entirely different kind of ministry Jesus would have had if He was fearful of going into the dark and risky places and picking and choosing who would be the recipient of His grace that day. Can you just imagine for a minute how different peoples lives might have been. Can you imagine a wretched world without the glimmer of hope Jesus brings?We are called by Jesus to fully wade in and He empowers us with divine passion and the power of the Holy Spirit to go beyond what we might have thought possible to correct injustice. It's going to take a risky radical faith... a belief in the omnipotent God who is calling us to come out of the safe place where we live into the life where the previously thought impossible thing becomes normal. Without risk there is no faith...without faith there is no hope...without hope there is only death....faith is a verb.

waiting & warming the bench...redux

2011-01-19T10:35:00.000-08:00

It always seems like there seasons in our lives when we are waiting...waiting to hear from God...waiting for the next adventure...waiting to write the next chapter of our story. Waiting is really hard for me. I feel fidgety and tense and have to resist this real desire to help God along on whatever He has planned next for my life. I thought I would repost a blog from a few years ago, written during a season of waiting. I'll just call this one a “Waiting and warming the bench...redux.”
So, I’m sitting on the bench …waiting…to be put into the game. I have trained hard for this moment and I feel especially confident that God will use me. I have “suited up”, I’ve studied the opponent, have learned the plays….C’mon God…put me in the game. Can’t you see I’m dying here? I can help “our side” win. Seriously, God, I’m ready…this is the big game…this is the one I’ve been waiting for. This pretty much sums up how I feel a lot of the time. I am waiting for the next big thing, that big opportunity to show God what I can do for Him. Sadly though, I am going through the agonizing process of learning this is not what God wants from me. As famed writer, Herni Nouwen says, “Waiting is not a very popular attitude. In fact, most people consider waiting a waste of time. Perhaps this is because the culture in which we live is basically saying, “Get going! Do something! Show you are able to make a difference! Don’t just sit there and wait!” For many people, waiting is an awful desert between where they are and where they want to go. And people do not like such a place. They want to get out of it by doing something. In our particular historical situation, waiting is even more difficult because we are so fearful. One of the most pervasive emotions in the atmosphere around us is fear. People are afraid—afraid of inner feelings, afraid of other people, and also afraid of the future. And fearful people have a hard time waiting”. I particularly do not like the waiting part and many times I do, in fact, feel like I am in that awful place between where I am and where I want to go. And for me my natural inclination is to help God along in “putting me into the game” by busying myself with trying to show God how ready I am. WRONG. Not what God wants at all. He made that clear in Luke 10:38-42, when it says, “As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Ah, it’s the age old dilemma…doing versus just being. I so long for God to use me and place me in situations where I can serve Him in extraordinary ways. I have always wanted God to use me to reach out to touch the lives of other people, to be of service for Him and for others in unimaginable ways , to be a useful and valued part of the Body of Christ. I am so busy looking for the big things I realize I quite often miss the small things. I have agonized and wrung my hands needlessly wondering why God just won’t use me for this thing or that. The truth hit me full on and it was that there is a significant difference between God’s desires and mine. Whoops… So, let’s see…God’s desires…not mine, be still and don’t busy myself with things of little importance… Hmmm and finally wait on God and don’t be fearful. WOW. I think these are challenges for all of us as these are the pressures that bear so heavily upon us in our daily lives. A daily prayer for us all is Psalms 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God…”. In that stillness we are reminded of the ever present voice speaking as it always has and always will. There is no need to fear the wait because this is what God wants and He tells us “blessed is he that waiteth”. So, I wait and I am learning that that’s ok.

rearranging furniture...

2011-01-17T10:40:00.000-08:00

My wife has this thing that she loves to do about this time of the year...rearrange the furniture in the living room. I am not sure what exactly triggers in her this ancient primal need but I think it is either the incredibly frigid weather outside or the ceremonial taking down of the Christmas tree. Whatever it is I have come to recognize the look she gets in her eye as she scans around the room and then looks out the window...pensive... as if looking at a complex math problem in her head. “You know, it's good to rearrange things things from time to time” she says, still gazing out of the window. That's my cue...to get up and start “picking up” as she calls it. Once things are picked up to her satisfaction, she smiles a smile that I also have come to recognize. satisfaction...the plan is complete and pictured in her mind. The physical rearrangement commences...the vacuum comes out...the cat runs...and in a matter of minutes her vision has been executed with surgical precision. There comes that smile again...satisfaction. It's a good thing to rearrange some things in our lives sometimes...and not just our living room furniture. One of the huge benefits is that it gives us a different view than we have had for a while. It is so easy for things to get comfortable and predictable. Sometimes they are so predictable and in place in my house that I feel, if immediately struck blind...I could navigate pretty well. That's called familiarity. However, it can be a very dangerous thing as we can be easily lulled to sleep in our safety and comfort. I really like to rearrange things as well but in ways more challenging than where will I sit to watch TV. I sometimes equate comfort with routine and doing what is easy and not too risky. It is easy to get into a so called rut and get stuck and believe that things can only be arranged one way...whether furniture, our day, or what is important. I have discovered a great way to discover what things mean...give them up for a while. I have found that intentionally going without something is self revealing about both myself and what that thing represents in my life. For example, for the last few years, we have given up TV and “unplugged” from social media and most internet usage for the month of January. I suppose you could call it a fast, of sorts. It is utterly amazing the transformation that occurs in us when this happens. We talk “to” and not “at” each other...we read a few very interesting books...we listen...really listen...to some thought provoking music... and most importantly we pray, focus and hear Gods voice speaking very loud. Yeah, I know what you are saying about now...Gods voice ? Yeah, that's what I said...Gods voice...plain and clear. Deep inside the depths of our souls...away from the distractions of our daily lives...God is always speaking. The other thing that is so noticeable during this time of quiet is that we consume so much less of everything. We directly attribute that to the incessant barrage of mind control marketing we are not subject to on TV. Again, we become numb and hypnotized by TV and are fair game for every clever marketing campaign tells us what is sexy and desirable. A thing becomes only desirable to the degree of desire it creates within us. However, it is a false and short-lived desire as we want even more the new and improved version of the next best thing. I do not want that type of desire to be programmed into my mind as it is endless and agonizing to “keep up”. I have a different kind of desire and that creates conflict and I have learned, from a good friend, that conflict is a vital part of the story we are writing with our lives. This pseudo-desire for material things burns up in a flash like putting a piece of well seasoned pine wood on a hot fire. It makes a big fire...gives some heat(satisfaction)...but doesn't last. I really want to live in genuine desire of God and the things that are of God. I want to be in constant communion with Him and when there is an abundance of extraneous noise or other distractions present it is difficult. Listening isn't always easy...especially for me. My mind tends to be VERY busy most of the time. However...I want to listen more and pay attention to that voice that speaks to me in a very profound way...or often times speaks through other people...I want to learn to listen to them also. I want to understand the process more of how and why He chooses to speak to me. I know that is done by spending time in prayer, studying the Bible and quietly contemplating what is being spoken in that moment. I know that the more time that is spent in intimacy with God and His words, the easier is will be to recognize His speaking. Why is that so hard ?...I don't know, really. I do know that I am working on it very much during this “quiet time” in January and I am listening...close...right now.

Act Justly, Love Mercy, Walk Humbly...

2011-01-11T15:45:00.000-08:00

What does Jesus say to those who possess abundance and wealth in the midst of indescribable poverty? He says a lot...but the bigger question for us to explore is do we hear and, most importantly, act on what He says? I think you would perhaps agree that we frequently fall very short of true sacrificial giving to the poor and those in need. Sadly, a lot of us give in a conscience assuaging and fairly token way, for the most part. It is interesting to note that according to Micah's prophecy the people of Israel and Judah were searching for what it is that God wants of them. Micah quotes them as saying: (Micah 6:6-7) With what shall I come before the LORD and bow down before the exalted God? Shall I come before him with burnt offerings, with calves a year old? (7) Will the LORD be pleased with thousands of rams, with ten thousand rivers of oil? Shall I offer my firstborn for my transgression, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?

We, unfortunately, think we know what Jesus requires of us and offer... a canned religious response, a “I go to church” response, a predictable “raise your hands” in worship response. The worshipers of Micah's day were quite prepared to give whatever they believed was required; they were willing to bring any and every sacrifice that the Lord requested; if the Lord demands it they, like Abraham, were even willing to sacrifice their own children. In today's language, we think all we have to do is go to church and that is sufficient. The reality is that there is a huge difference between “going” to church and “being” the church. Yes...absolutely, the Lord does want praise and worship from us. He does love our gifts and offerings given in the right context. BUT... He wants much more than a “just enough” response. Micah tells us God's requirements extend to all of the entirety of the week and not just to what happens in the church on Sundays. (Micah 6:8) He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
In the first place, God requires us to act justly. What does this mean and what does this look like for us? Today, January 11, is National Human Trafficking Awareness Day. We can say one way to act justly means to accept responsibility for the well-being of those suffering oppression as result of being trafficked or enslaved in any manner under other forms of modern day slavery: widows, orphans, disabled, poor, elderly, homeless, and others. These weaker, fragile most vulnerable and disenfranchised members of society are to be found not just here where we live, but also in Asia, Mexico, the Ukraine, Haiti, Africa, Dominican Republic and throughout the entirety of the world. To act justly means to accept responsibility for the well-being of a hungry mother and her children in the Sudan, a child in bondage held for the express purpose of sex, an underpaid sugarcane worker in the Dominican Republic, a dispossessed farmer in Africa, a pensioned widow in inner-city Chicago, and a welfare mom or single mother anywhere in America. To act justly means to accept responsibility for the well-being of the one billion people who are chronically malnourished and who go to bed most nights with empty stomachs. As Gary Haugen, President of International Justice Mission, often says, “ The good news about injustice is...God is against it.” God's Old Testament people very much needed to hear from Micah the demand to act justly in their time just as much as we do today. They needed to hear this because their day-to-day life was marked by a shocking lack of care and concern for the poor, the widow, the orphan, and the alien. In fact, they oppressed the poor and often made life more difficult for them. I find it so utterly amazing the similarities between the days of Micah and our present time. We need not look hard or far to see that we have become selfish, self centered and self serving. Despite all the talk to the contrary we still are about words and not so much in the way of deeds. It's haunting to listen to Micah's words of condemnation: (Micah 2:2) They covet fields and seize them, and houses, and take them. They defraud a man of his home, a fellowman of his inheritance How could one not be reminded of the current foreclosure mess and abundant illegal land seizures going around the world, particularly in third world nations. In another place Micah accuses them of using dishonest scales, weights, and measures in order to get for themselves ill-gotten treasures at the expense of the poor (Micah 6:10,11; Micah 3:1-3).
We are being commanded to be more like Jesus here. Over and over again Scripture tells us about God's concern for the weak,helpless and poor. Deuteronomy 10:18, for instance: "He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing." Or the prophet Isaiah: (Isa 1:17) ... learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. (Is 10:1,2; Psalm 103:6; Amos 5:11,15). There are literally hundreds of passages of scripture that clearly demonstrate that the priority of serving the least is foremost on the mind of Jesus. The Gospels present to us a picture of Jesus... who has tremendous compassion on the frequently assembled crowds, who desires that the little children to come to Him, who is concerned about the plight and welfare of widows and orphans, who continuously heals the sick, who has mercy and bestows healing grace on lepers, who cares for prostitutes who have given up on themselves in their despair, who can promise forgiveness and salvation to every prisoner whether shackled mentally or physically. He was angry about any and every injustice and treated all people equally. Today when there is such overwhelming hunger and seemingly limitless poverty, today when we are to be counted among the world's most wealthy, we are to be like Jesus and mirror His acts of justice in every way possible. God also requires that we love mercy. Because to love mercy is to be filled with an intense longing to help others, to do kind and compassionate deeds for those who are in need. We have been given divine power from Jesus and that with our compassion is all we need to accomplish His work on the earth. Here too we are to imitate God. God, you see, is merciful and full of loving kindness. How can we who have so much abundance in an age of hunger show mercy and bestow grace? We can show compassionate treatment of those in distress and with even the most minor needs. We are the bearers of Christ's grace and we are to dispense it liberally upon others and in doing so we show mercy. There is a very powerful thing that happens when we come along side of someone in this way. This is the same type of compassion Jesus showed to all without respect to the nuances of the situation. In this grace comes love and this brings redemption and restoration. This is the thing that we all desire...to be redeemed and restored into a loving relationship with our Father. This is the primary task we are called to in all that we do. Finally, what does the Lord require of you but "to walk humbly with your God." This is the most important of the three requirements. In fact, unless you walk humbly with your God you cannot act justly or love mercy. It truly is an impossibility... What does it mean to walk humbly with God? It means to live with humility and gratitude. It is the quality of being respectful of others and seeing the “Jesus” in people in our interactions with them. Humility is totally the opposite of how most of us live. We are caught up in a world of arrogance, vanity, aggressiveness and boastfulness of what we have done on our own. Clearly, the challenge is to make Him the center of your life in everything you do and everywhere you go. It means to live a life of fellowship with God...constantly. It means to give your heart to Jesus...wholly and completely and to be thankful for what you have received. The Jesus who gave His life for you deserves nothing less. It means to be filled with the Holy Spirit and the power of Christ so that you are born again and are a new Creation in Christ. It means to spend time with God in prayer and Bible reading. Jesus has called us to a life of discipleship just as He called out His original disciples. I want to live this life and I try really hard to be mindful of the fact that nothing else really matters. It's just so easy to be distracted ...sometimes.

and so...this is how it ends

2010-12-30T12:12:00.000-08:00

As 2010 draws to an end and 2011 looms on the horizon it seems there are significantly more questions than answers this year. I think it is a normal thing for us to look back. We are seemingly always prone to do that. Remember Lots wife? Yeah the looking back can have some bad consequences, right? I try not to look at the minutia of the day to day living of my life but I look at the overall direction and trends. Am I still moving in the direction that lines up with what God has chosen and NOT what I desire? It is really easy to blur the lines sometimes when we want something so bad. I find that I tend to over analyze situations particularly where I feel like I have fallen short of what God expects of me. I know that I am prone to disappoint people for a lot of reasons...mostly expectations. I have done a fair amount of disappointing this year. But more importantly, I really hate it when I feel like I disappoint God in the many opportunities He gives me. Weirdly enough, this is what aggravates and frustrates me the most in others. If others don't share my passions and aren't completely missional focused I get lost in their inabilities and let it affect mine. I have actually come to understand this a lot better throughout this year and discovered that sometimes...no, a LOT of times...I just need to get the heck out of the way and let God go to work. On a deeper level I have discovered this is a faith issue and I am slowly learning to take ownership of that. It is not that I don;t believe that God can't do...I just want to help Him. Aren't we all guilty of that ? Yeah, we are. This is the basis of how we all come up with our personal definition of who God is. “BUT WHO DO YOU SAY I AM ?” We put God in a box or on a leash and carefully craft His abilities to suit our needs. Yeah, we do that a lot...So, one of my overarching goals for this next year is just to be very small and let God be very BIG...everywhere I go and in everything I do this next year. It's completely humbling to know everything I've done...especially the seemingly impossible things...the small ordinary things...have been because God has empowered me in order to make Him famous. I have that as my one big goal for 2011...I am sure there will be a lot of unexpected twists and turns on this continued journey. I am sure that I will disappoint people and for that I apologize in advance. Thank you for your grace... I hope and pray that I will disappoint my God even less and just take my hands off the knobs and trust...and breathe. And most importantly, to simply understand what he requires of me...which is:

“With what shall I come before the LORD

and bow down before the exalted God?

Shall I come before him with burnt offerings,

with calves a year old?

Will the LORD be pleased with thousands of rams,

with ten thousand rivers of olive oil?

Shall I offer my firstborn for my transgression,

the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.

And what does the LORD require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy

and to walk humbly with your God.”

I encourage you in this upcoming year to go beyond your comfort zone and push your faith out to a risky edge...where it's scary and you want to hold on tight and desperately cling to the familiar things. God is calling you to a place where the previously thought impossible becomes your reality. God wants you to let go and abandon your preconceived notions of what He can do...We are the bearers of Gods grace and our challenge this coming year is to show that to people and to dispense it liberally...

Fathers day 2010...random thoughts

2010-06-20T04:55:00.000-07:00

In a perfect world, today I would be hanging out with my dad and we would be enjoying each others company. I would be doing all the things we do to honor our dads on their special day. I rather suspect we would be having a cook out in the back yard. I would be cooking and he would be supervising and pointing out everything I was doing wrong. I would just shrug and try to take his semi-constructive criticism with a grain of salt. His grand kids would be running around doing what kids do when out in backyards on fathers day. “c'mon grandpa...throw me the ball...”. He would look amused and that familiar half smile would appear. “Maybe later...you kids go on...”. Yeah, I heard that a lot. It was ok though, I was just happy to have him there and hanging out. I mean...after all...isn't that what fathers day is really about ?? Having dad there hanging out...just being the dad...and doing the stuff that dads do. Like...working on the car...shaving and leaving his whiskers in the bathroom sink...mowing the yard...dropping us off at church...letting us practice driving the car...taking us fishing...reading the paper at breakfast...and yelling a lot. It's funny how much stuff we remember and how much we forget. The painful and difficult times always seem to stand out and overshadow everything else that was good. I have discovered that most holidays, whether major or minor, are actually remembrance days. Some, like Christmas and Thanksgiving are often emotionally charged and highly evocative and reflective of the complexity of living in dysfunctional families. I think fathers day has that effect on many of us whether sons or daughters. It does me...I was like so many others and didn't have the kind of dad... that idealized one that we so often saw on television, growing up in the sixties. The dad I had was the dad that God gave me and it took me a long time to realize this and to be thankful and to be able to honor him. That is a big part of growing up and becoming a dad yourself. The unfortunate thing is when we are struggling with our earthly father child relationship we struggle with out heavenly one as well. That understanding of our heavenly father is a foundational concept in understanding how God wants to bless us and it is the essence of our relationship with Him. Our inability to forge a lasting and sustainable relationship with our biological fathers has such huge implications and ramifications for our continued survival as a society. However, our reluctance to acknowledge and strive for a relationship with our heavenly father has an even bigger impact on ourselves and others. The facts are well known...documented...discussed...and disputed. Here are just a few for you to mull over:

71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes

90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes

80% of rapist motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes

85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in fatherless homes

71% of pregnant teenagers come from fatherless homes

80% of all adolescents in psychiatric hospitals come from fatherless homes

and finally how about this one to jar you out of your coma...the absence of a biological father increases by 900% a daughters vulnerability to rape and sexual abuse...often at the hands of a step father or boyfriend of the mother.

I think you get the point here...it's beyond bad and we all bear some responsibility. According to an ancient African proverb,“It takes a village to raise a child”and we are all part of that village. For all the kids living in fatherless homes today I pray we get this and someone steps up to the plate...there are a lot of us...waiting.

in the potters hands...

2010-06-18T10:35:00.000-07:00

There is a part of me that says “YES, I can” and there is also a part that says “Uh...no...you can't” and they are always in conflict and at odds with each other. I really do believe that friction and conflict are vital elements and what makes for good stories and writing good stories with our lives, as my friend Don says. I have actually never given much thought of how this story that is me is constructed. I have never carefully analyzed the individual parts that conspire together that make the whole. But after hearing...a lot...about how good stories are seemingly simply generated from the most basic of ideas I see the absolute need for this conflict to exist. It seems all my life I have fought hard against this conflict within me and I didn't like how it made me feel most of the time. I always had a sense that I was out of balance, shall we say. Unfortunately my response to this wasn't a good one. I always gave up to the louder can't do it part of me. I was a quitter. Right now, I even hate looking at those words as they appear on the screen as I type. It is so NOT who I am anymore. But it was a long process to tone down that incessant chatter in my head defeating me at anything I tried. The bad part of that is at some point you just give up trying as you figure...what's the use? I grew to always expect the same outcome which was failure. I think there are so many places we allow doubt and lack of faith to creep in to our daily lives and determine outcomes of things we attempt. We get robbed of our potential and our dreams by a false logic that sets up in us sometimes very early in life. Once that happens ever decision we make is touched by it. We set up, in our lives, a self fulfilling prophecy that we work hard to make come true. We put a lot of effort into something that is totally based on the fallacy that we are flawed and can't measure up to someones expectations. It is a vicious cycle that engulfs us and we begin to live our lives as victims. I was a victim. I was a victim of my own making. I was determined to do things my way and that way was the hardest way I could find to do anything. The end result of all this was I became unlovable and was bent on destruction. I wasted a lot of years living that way. But, here's the good news...In my darkest hour and in my utter brokenness, God gently reminded me that He has never left me and I was the one running away. He called me to come back home. He told me he loved me no matter what I had done...of course...He knew. I never had that from my earthly father so it was a little difficult to embrace this news. But I did and I surrendered...I was tired. I literally fell into His arms and found everything I had been longing for so long. I found grace,redemption and healing. I found the me that got lost so long ago. I discovered that when empowered by Christ that my weakness was an asset and not a liability. I discovered that I was lovable and that one simple fact changed my life. So many of us wandering around today feeling so rejected and unlovable believe that lie. Slowly but surely the plan emerged and things once out of my reach became obtainable. Those are called blessings. I didn't feel the urge to quit anymore and destroy every relationship I had built. This is the true transformed life that Jesus is calling us to. All we have to do is just give up, surrender, abandon self reliance, remove ourselves away from our lives, live out of the box, and embrace a very risky faith...and I'm really doing that.

your blood pressure is...WHAT ?

2010-06-07T19:03:00.000-07:00

So, being a nurse, one of the most basic things we are taught to check to assess how someone is doing is taking their vital signs. This usually consists of their temperature, pulse, respirations and blood pressure. This is the standard and usually applicable in almost every situation. I am sure that I have taken literally thousands of vital signs in the last almost 40 years. I can also assure you that I have seen every value from the lowest low to the highest high. I can remember many times of being scared of a particular numerical reading and really focusing my efforts on fixing the number...irrespective of what the patient looked like. It took me lots of years to relax and learn to focus on the overall picture and not one isolated element. I was thinking abut this a lot lately and pondering how when we focus too closely and intently on one thing or aspect of something we impair our vision for the big picture that God wants to see. Unfortunately, even with the best of our state of the art medical technology we have yet to devise a thermometer or other device to measure our spiritual vital signs. I have discovered this is often times the most critical and overlooked vital sign and has significant impact on all the others. It is a well know fact that the wellness of our spirituality has a direct impact on our physical health. This is where the whole concept of holistic health originated. Any one aspect of our health cannot be ignored or it will be at the expense of total wellness. The challenge is how do we not only measure but intervene to repair and improve our spiritual health. The hard part with most people is just to talk about it. It still is an area that is mostly off limits in discussions and talking about health history. We readily discuss the most intimate and personal heath issues with almost complete strangers readily. However when it comes to the issues of our spiritual health it is a very different story. We stiffen up, become defensive and feel personally challenged when questioned even in the most benign manner. I can readily imagine a conversation between you and your doctor going something like this, "well...your blood pressure is better and your cholesterol has really improved...". And you say, "yeah...I have been exercising a little more...you know, trying to watch what I'm eating...". Your doctor then says, " You still going to church ? Making time to read the Bible ? you still praying every day ? what about your small group ?...". Would that be awkward ? You bet...Would you be shocked and possibly irritable ? Highly probable...It is almost like it is the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle laying there before us but we don't want to touch it and finish the picture. We do our best to keep it private and to try and ignore the importance of our relationship with God as a barometer of our state of wellness. How do we fix "sickness" in others spiritual health. First and foremost we need to make sure ours is healthy. It is hard to be sick or wounded and try to give good advice to someone else to improve theirs if ours is broken. Secondly, our approach has to be relational and not condemning and judgemental. We have to take people right where they are at...not where we want them to be, and go from there. We need to love people back into healthiness and not shame them into going somewhere they are not ready to go. It's like losing weight when you aren't mentally ready and haven't dealt with underlying emotional issues...it just comes back on. Our spiritual health is the foundation and bedrock on which everything else rests. We certainly know happens without a strong foundation to build on...everything eventually collapses. So, the next time you see me and I am asking about your blood pressure, blood sugar and other "numbers" don't get mad or tense up when I ask you, " how are you and Jesus getting along these days ?...did you two finally work out your differences ?...No ? ...you need to or it's gonna kill you..."

2010-05-20T10:12:00.000-07:00

Romans12:13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

3 John 1:5-8 Beloved, it is a faithful thing you do in all your efforts for these brothers, strangers as they are, who testified to your love before the church. You will do well to send them on their journey in a manner worthy of God. For they have gone out for the sake of the name, accepting nothing from the Gentiles. Therefore we ought to support people like these, that we may be fellow workers for the truth.

So, with these two verses in mind, it is clear that we, the church, are to provide and contribute to the needs of saints as they journey on misson sharing the gospel with a lost world. Author and theologian, Ana Maria Pineda says,
"To welcome the stranger is to acknowledge him as a human being made in God's image; it is to treat her as one of equal worth with ourselves - indeed, as one who may teach us something out of the richness of experiences different from our own."
The longstanding Christian tradition of hospitality is the practice of providing a welcoming place to take in a stranger. It also includes the willingness to welcome strangers and those in need as well as friends and family to our tables, to feed and be fed by their presence there. It is abundantly clear, in the Bible, offering hospitality is a moral imperative. God's people need to remember the fact they were once strangers and wandering homeless refugees who were taken in by a benevolent and loving God. Shouldn't this memory of reliance on hospitality make someone feel inclined to host a stranger or a refugee? I think it would. I have no problem with that concept so I find it very difficult that anyone else would, especially a church or someone speaking for a church. I am going on a fund raising mission trip this summer involving 1800 miles of bicycling from Mobile Alabama to Buffalo New York. I will average about 75 miles a day which equates to roughly 6 hours a day on a bike seat about as wide as my hand. An important part of these mission focused bicycling trips is to interact with the local communities we will ride through on the route. And an important part of those communities are the local churches. It is faith building for both the cyclists and those we meet to share what God is doing on this trip and has done in our lives. This sharing our stories and sharing the gospel message of Jesus to serve others is as important as anything we do on this ride. However, if for any various number of reasons you individually or your church decides not to participate and demonstrate the hospitality that is decribed in the above referenced scripture, then we both lose. I have had the opportunity to be in contact with a number of churches in an attempt to find a willing host for the team after a long day of riding and have been both surprised and disappointed. I have been left with the feeling that I am selling some unknown product door to door and had that door closed in my face. That makes me feel like the "church" still just doesn't get it. I feel like I am an imposition on someone when in reality I am a blessing and an encourager sent to build your faith. I hear so much talk about being "missional" and "the GREAT comission" but the reality is we, meaning the church, are still hopelessly trapped inside the four walls of our buildings. We can't think, see or step outside the boxes or, God forbid, cross denominational lines. I won't lie...it hurts me when I am rejected and not even given the opportunity to share what I am doing to take the gospel to a lost and hurting world. It is unbelievable how poorly churches respond to email and telephone messages left on voicemails. I call it basic everyday common courtesy and it is sorely lacking in all areas of our culture. However, as an organization that is primarily in the business of responding to peoples needs, I seriously question how that is being done in a timely and effective manner. Maybe that's the problem....maybe the church has turned into an organization run by a CEO and is bloated with layers of administrative protocol that precludes even the simplest request by a group of cyclist passing though at the end of the day, tired and hungry. Seriously, church...is it really the best that you can do to send them away to a campground on the other side of town ? Is that really your understanding of the above scriptures ? If it is, we are really in big trouble. The fact is for many churches they "get it" and they are excited and eager to provide for our needs and sometimes it is hard to decide who gets blessed more in those times. I am thankful and hopeful that by their example others will follow. Then maybe the next time someone asks them to step out with a risky faith they will say..."yes...we would love to help you out...what can we do to help"

2010-05-06T21:23:00.001-07:00

2010-05-05T14:15:00.001-07:00

2010-04-01T19:31:00.000-07:00

2010-03-22T10:13:00.000-07:00

bad service...so-so food... and blessings...

2010-03-21T12:37:00.000-07:00

My wife and I went out to eat the other night at one of our favorite local non-chain restaurants. This particular restaurant had a very good track record with us. Things were always predictable there. I like that. Especially with places I eat at. I think that predictability is solely responsible for the proliferation of restaurant chains all across the country. I immediately think of the popularity of Cracker Barrel. No matter where you go across the country their fried catfish or chicken and dumplins look the same and taste the same. Weirdly enough most of the food servers also look the same. Anyway, my point is people like the consistency of good food and good service when they dine out. So, when your expectations, based on past consistency, are not met it usually means trouble. This is exactly what happened. Now I am a pretty easygoing
non-confrontational guy about almost all things and figure anyone can have a bad day or be off their game. But…when you are in the business of interacting with the public and meeting their needs with some type of service, it’s important to be excellent. I really hate it and feel sad when someone misses an opportunity to be excellent. I guess the reason it bothers me so much is that I have missed the mark at times in the past and still do occasionally. I have always heard it said that the thing that irritates us the most in others is that same thing in us. It’s just easier to see it in others most of the time. I have a different reason to strive for excellence and that is because I am representing the Christ that is inside of me. I desire for who I am on the inside to match up with what people see on the outside. That is called integrity. When I try to be excellent in all that I do then that is being authentic to my true self and is what Christ desires for me. There is a synchronicity that happens. People know and are aware when you are in tune. You are able to meet others needs and expectations with ease and excellence easily flows from you. Some people have described it as being in the zone or the sweet spot. You are in perfect alignment with Gods’ will and purpose for your life because it is absolutely effortless. In Ephesians 5: 15-16, it says,

“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”

I really like the part of that scripture that says making the most of every opportunity. If we could just remember that one simple idea so many things would be different in our daily lives. One area that would certainly be different is how we view our work no matter what it is that we do. Our work is a daily opportunity to demonstrate grace, forgiveness and to be excellent in interactions with others. If we are detached from that and there is incongruity between what we desire and what God desires for us it shows in how we interact with others. We miss a huge blessing. God blesses us and our gifts and abilities so that we may serve and bless others. Thinking about those many blessings without then asking how God would like us to use those blessings is simply arrogance, greed and selfishness. These blessings are, in fact, a reward for our faithfulness. However, the primary reason that God always rewards our faithfulness is because as faithful people we are called to share our blessings with others. The danger is we start keeping all the blessings to ourselves, either as individuals or as a church. I can assure you that once we are no longer faithful the reward will stop. So, it’s ok if you’re having a bad day…it’s ok if the service is poor and the food is just average. Just remember that you can compensate for the things not in your control and change everything by striving to be excellent and trying to imagine that you possibly may be serving Jesus…

heaven is....

2010-03-19T06:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think that God gives you a little peek into heaven. I think He does it to keep us intrigued with our own definitions of what it looks like. We all harbor this secret hope that we are right in the heaven that we have selected for ourselves. I remember hearing, over the years, many pastors trying to plant a vision in my mind of what heaven really looks like. There was a clear conflict between that vision and mine. I often thought, “How could they possibly know?” I realize that there some specific facts about heaven that can be gleaned from the Bible. I also know that there were three people, from Scripture, who were privileged to see heaven. All of these men, Stephen and the Apostles Paul and John, were alive when they were given a glimpse of the wonders of heaven. I also know that I think those facts are what causes us some consternation when we think of a real place called heaven. I think the pearly gates, streets paved with gold, the many mansions and a whole entire city challenges us on many levels. It calls into play our faith in a very big and real way. The Bible says, in Hebrews 11:1, “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” The things we do not see we can only imagine. Some people have a very vivid and complex imagination and others do not. Irrespective of all that there is universal agreement that it will be a place of perfection and that it is a real place. Jesus very plainly tells us this in John 14: 2-4, when He says,

“In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."

I love that Jesus says that heaven is a real place and that we know the way to get there and that He will be there…waiting on us. We are quick to say…this is heavenly or this is like heaven or I’m in heaven. But clearly it cannot be unless Jesus is there. I think that John Piper, in his book God is the Gospel, says it best when he says,

“The critical question for our generation--and for every generation--is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever say, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?”

Of course not…God gives me a peek of the heaven that I often imagine on perfect days like today. It’s really simple actually…me, my best friend, my bike and a really long road. I call it bliss which is defined as a state of profound spiritual satisfaction, happiness and joy, often associated with religious ideas of the afterlife. It means you are in such perfect alignment with God and His purpose for your life. It is what some have called the sweet spot and we know it when we are there.I think about that every single time that I get on my bike. Not only do I think about it I feel it in the depths of my soul. Every time. I remember telling this to my wife when we went to Chicago last year to ride BIKE THE DRIVE with a really good friend. It was the early dawn light of a summer morning before sunrise. We were riding down the middle of a deserted and quiet Lakeshore Drive staring ahead at the downtown heart of Chicago. Just me…Joanne…Jesus…two bikes rolling along on a long road. I looked over at her…and with tears in my eyes said, “This is what heaven’s gonna be like…” She smiled.

even better...the second time around

2010-03-16T06:42:00.000-07:00

So, I’m sitting on the bench …waiting…to be put into the game. I have trained hard for this moment and I feel especially confident that God will use me. I have “suited up”, I’ve studied the opponent, have learned the plays….C’mon God…put me in the game. Can’t you see I’m dying here? I can help “our side” win. Seriously, God, I’m ready…this is the big game…this is the one I’ve been waiting for. This pretty much sums up how I feel a lot of the time. I am waiting for the next big thing, that big opportunity to show God what I can do for Him. Sadly though, I am going through the agonizing process of learning this is not what God wants from me. As famed writer, Herni Nouwen says,

“Waiting is not a very popular attitude. In fact, most people consider waiting a waste of time. Perhaps this is because the culture in which we live is basically saying, “Get going! Do something! Show you are able to make a difference! Don’t just sit there and wait!” For many people, waiting is an awful desert between where they are and where they want to go. And people do not like such a place. They want to get out of it by doing something. In our particular historical situation, waiting is even more difficult because we are so fearful. One of the most pervasive emotions in the atmosphere around us is fear. People are afraid—afraid of inner feelings, afraid of other people, and also afraid of the future. And fearful people have a hard time waiting”.

I particularly do not like the waiting part and many times I do, in fact, feel like I am in that awful place between where I am and where I want to go. And for me my natural inclination is to help God along in “putting me into the game” by busying myself with trying to show God how ready I am. WRONG. Not what God wants at all. He made that clear in Luke 10:38-42, when it says,

“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Ah, it’s the age old dilemma…doing versus just being. I so long for God to use me and place me in situations where I can serve Him in extraordinary ways. I have always wanted God to use me to reach out to touch the lives of other people, to be of service for Him and for others in unimaginable ways , to be a useful and valued part of the Body of Christ. I am so busy looking for the big things I realize I quite often miss the small things. I have agonized and wrung my hands needlessly wondering why God just won’t use me for this thing or that. The truth hit me full on and it was that there is a significant difference between God’s desires and mine. Whoops… So, let’s see…God’s desires…not mine, be still and don’t busy myself with things of little importance… Hmmm and finally wait on God and don’t be fearful.WoW. I think these are challenges for all of us as these are the pressures that bear so heavily upon us in our daily lives. A daily prayer for us all is Psalms 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God…”. In that stillness we are reminded of the ever present voice speaking as it always has and always will. There is no need to fear the wait because this is what God wants and He tells us “blessed is he that waiteth”. So, I wait and I am learning that that’s ok.

heading for the ditches...

2010-03-14T05:30:00.000-07:00

There is an odd and curious driving effect that happens when we take our eyes off the road immediately in front of us. It appears that whatever we look at we drive toward. I am sure this is some kind of mystical physical law of the universe. Actually I have even noticed that you don’t necessarily have to be driving a car for this to happen. I have experienced this phenomenon while riding my bike. I have caught myself looking a little too long at something along the road and we begin to converge. I haven’t quite put myself in the ditch yet but I have come very close. I know at this point you may be wondering to yourself…”where’s he going with this?”, right? I am getting ready to draw a tremendous analogy here. In our daily lives the consequences of taking our eyes off the road we are on can have just as a devastating outcome. A brief period of inattention and looking at something peripheral to our chosen path can have a life altering and disastrous effect on us and others. We can lose focus in the blink of an eye. We willingly steer our lives right into the ditch and wonder how that happened. Simply put we go toward that thing we are looking at. Satan knows that so well and appeals to our poor driving skills and our propensity to end up in ditches. In Hebrews 12:2, it says,

“Let us fix our eyes on the Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

I have also heard this referred to as “keeping your eyes on the prize”. I am not sure I actually like that one as it sounds too much like the proverbial carrot on the end of a stick. I don’t like to visualize the concept of driving well and working hard not to drift across the line for a reward at the end that I’ll never really receive. Although I do believe and understand there is a reward called heaven, I think the incentive for me personally is just the powerful memory of a few bad wrecks I’ve both had and caused. Sadly, there are some people who really like pain or have short memories for bad stuff and this wrecking doesn’t bother them much. When we start to veer and move toward the thing leading our eye away, God gives us a chance to correct before it’s too late. In that correction there is grace and in that grace there is redemption. God knows I am a bad driver and He knows I’m going to get distracted and look at stuff too long. I just imagine Him wincing, watching me and saying, “ooooh, this is gonna be bad…” It’s just like He is watching this big giant cosmic NASCAR race and patiently waiting for the predictable wreck to come. Except for the big wipeouts everything else just moves along uneventfully seemingly without notice. Days and years go by and we settle into a routine. As the saying goes, we fall asleep at the wheel. We become numb and hypnotized by the road because it’s straight and boring and we have everything we think we want. Our faith has gone to bed and we become adverse to risk. We become oblivious to the danger signs, road hazards and become casual and reckless and start to look around at things along the road. And then…we hold that gaze just a little too long…we take our eyes off the prize...yeah, the grass looks greener…in the ditch…yeah, this one’s really gonna hurt…...bad.

2010-03-13T05:00:00.000-08:00

just say ...abracadabra

2010-03-12T04:05:00.000-08:00

There is something that I particularly enjoy about watching a skilled magician deceive me with ease. I love to be amazed by the simplest tricks that challenge my understanding of what I believe I am seeing. Somehow there is this fundamental disconnect in my understanding of reality that happens in a blink of an eye. How easy it is for us to be deceived by others even when we know it and are on alert to the clues of the magician. God was keenly aware of our ability to be deceived as it is a major tool Satan uses to destroy our lives. There is a real basic design flaw within us. We have struggled with the consequences of being easily fooled for a really long time. From the very beginning of our presence on earth, Satan has been the greatest deceiver ever. We know that and we are constantly reminded to be on guard against deceptions of the enemy. God speaks to us throughout the Bible warning us over and over to be alert to various deceptions that can masquerade themselves. However, even worse than the deception of Satan and others is how easily and frequently we can deceive ourselves. In a recent blog, VirtueOnline, Ted Schroder, states,
“Self-deception is a shadowy phenomenon by which we pull the wool over some part of our own psyche. We put a move on ourselves. We deny, suppress, or minimize what we know to be true. We assert, adorn, and elevate what we know to be false. We prettify ugly realities and sell ourselves the prettified versions...We become our own dupes, playing the role of both perpetrator and victim. We know the truth - and yet we do not know it, because we persuade ourselves of its opposite. We actually forget that certain things are wrong and that we have done them. To the extent that we are self-deceived, we occupy a twilight zone in which we make up reality as we go along, a twilight zone in which the shortest distance between two points is a labyrinth.....A moment's reflection reminds us that self-deception has long been a growth industry. Why do alcoholics and other drug users typically go through years of self-denial? Why is the revelation of incest an astonishment to people who are living right in the middle of it?...Why do battering husbands offer minimizing and euphemistic accounts of the beatings they administer, and why do battered wives sometimes accept and repeat those accounts?" Jesus calls such self-deception 'hypocrisy'. Under the guise of doing good, of polishing one's image, vices masquerade as virtues. We learn to present something falsely, to make our presentation credible, and to avoid exposure. Even Satan masquerades as an angel of light (2 Cor.11:14) in order to look merely plausible. Evil appears in disguise. Hence our need for the Holy Spirit's gift of discernment. Hence the sheer difficulty, at times, of distinguishing good from what is evil. As sinners we try to keep up appearances. We are acutely sensitive to what others may think of us. Hence the constant attempt to explain, to justify, to rationalize, and to scapegoat evil. We want to appear to be good people.”
That desire to appear to be a good person is what gets us into so much trouble. We work hard to maintain appearances and to fool people much as a magician does. Our energy is spent creating a false reality where our faith is never engaged. We become only hearers of the Word and are single mindedly focused on image and our ability to exert influence. This is not what God intended. In James 1:22-25 it says, “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does.” It is clear we are called to be doers and goers and not to sit idly by, not putting our faith to work in a risky way and living out of the confining boxes that have become our churches. This is where the real magic happens…when we serve others and advocate for social justice for the oppressed. Sawing a pretty girl into two halves or making an elephant disappear pales in comparison…anybody can do that…

the hardest thing to say...thank you

2010-03-08T14:04:00.000-08:00

I sometimes am reminded about how blessed I am in a lot of different areas of my life. Some people like to call it luck…but I really dislike that term as it relates every good and bad thing that happens to chance. I actually used to think that way a long time ago. I suppose if we believe that we live by chance and total randomness then we live as victims of the whims of fate. Unfortunately, the problem with that is we don’t have to accept any responsibility for anything that happens. We just say that we have good or bad luck. The other problem with living on luck is that you lose your ability to be thankful and have gratitude. This is a big deal to me because it removes God from the equation. I think being thankful and having the ability to recognize where all that I receive flows from is critical to understanding our purpose and connection to God. I tend to look at things very simply sometimes and having gratitude and being thankful is one of those things. I really believe that the reason that people so easily forget this basic etiquette is this unspoken sense of entitlement that we live by. A sense of entitlement robs others of the ability to bless me because I already believe I deserve what I am receiving and therefore am unable to be thankful. The core attitude of being able to give thanks is humility. Humility is defined as, "A quality by which a person considering his own defects has a humble opinion of himself and willingly submits himself to God and to others for God's sake." One can readily see that submission to God and others is a key component. Perhaps this is where the rub lies. This is where we fail to understand. This is where we fall down. We are not submitting to anyone or anything except for our own selfish desires. It is in that submission to God that we recognize the inadequacy of the skill sets and talents we possess and become dependent and reliant on God just as He designed and intended. People, as we are prone to say, like to “live large”. We become legends in our own minds. We are measured by our Facebook and Twitter followers and blog statistics. Social media has become the barometer of our self worth and how we are valued by others. We assume a persona which is another word for a mask. This is not what God intended. We have become Gods bratty children expecting a cosmic “happy meal” with the latest cool toy inside. We have it all wrong. Very wrong. God wants you to have manners like back in the old days when we said please and thank you and may I be excused from the table. God doesn’t want you to wear masks because that interferes with people seeing Him in you. The thing that is... the most amazing part of all this is... that despite our inability to acknowledge the source of everything we have and are and to say thank you…He keeps right on giving. "Thankful people recognize their need, and the generosity and beneficence of the Giver, and every truly grateful person is humbled by the amazing gifts he’s received from God. So I see that true humility will always be accompanied by gratitude, and also, that those who are truly grateful will be growing in the beautiful characteristic of humility. May it be so for us."

2010-03-04T05:51:00.000-08:00

in the blink of an eye...

2010-03-03T11:06:00.000-08:00

While at work,someone asked me yesterday,“where’s MY golden years?”I stopped and realized that I didn’t have anything profound, witty or comforting to say.She was lying there in her bed,looking at me and waiting…Waiting for me to tell her how to find that which,by all estimations,is gone.She recently had one of her legs amputated right below the knee.She sleeps a lot.Maybe she dreams of that life she imagined to happen when she finally was able to enjoy the fruit of years of labor working toward those elusive golden years.She had plans to spend a lot of time with the husband she has been with almost fifty years.She planned to be one of those grandmas that go to tea parties,the zoo,and on picnics.But everything changes. Because of choices we make in one part of our life there often times are consequences in later parts of our lives.She likes to cook.She and her husband owned restaurants.Now she watches The Food Network on a small television on her dresser. Things change…a lot.Some dreams don’t change and they die hard. Sometimes they die with us.Maybe that’s the last part of us to let go in the slow march to our graves. Maybe that’s all that really keeps us alive sometimes.We desperately cling and hang on to something that takes on a healing and saving role.I have never been one to dash anyone’s dreams or belief in potential miracles.My job is to bring hope and encouragement. If you are an encourager you are truthful and will not give fake compliments and fan the flames of false hope.You don’t have trite textbook answers to the hard questions.You are one of God’s greatest miracles and capable of bringing the truth and hope that lives within us.Encouragers will tell you to do the thing you are called to do—the thing you are most enthusiastic about, the thing that makes you smile just thinking about it—and never worry about how something will happen. Encouragers know that the “how” always shows up when you follow your heart. Encouragers help us to see possibilities that sometimes are obscured by our lack of vision. This is the thing that is so much more important than any pill I can bring you today.Being here in the moment…being present is the thing that goes beyond what is easily understandable.On the days that I struggle the most with the whys of what I do and where I work God speaks to me in a way I can’t ignore.He picks that certain someone who disarms me and challenges me to remember that I am a mere dispenser of his grace…nothing more and nothing less.I have no easy set answers for your hard question today but…I’m listening,God.

rewarming leftovers...

2010-03-01T13:01:00.000-08:00

I used to not be much of a challenge or adventure guy. I was always the spectator on the sidelines. All that got changed a couple of years ago when God called me to this crazy thing that was very far from anything I would ever do...or even consider. It was called THE RIDEWELL BIKE TOUR. Yeah, a bicycle tour across America. Did you hear that "across Ameica" part? Me God? You're kidding, God? Right? No He wasn't and it happened and I did it and my life was forever changed over the course of a summer one pedal stroke at a time. Well...as they say,"Here we go again". Yes it's true. I am going on another amazing bike ride this summer, only in a different direction literally and figuratively.I am not going across the US, I am going from south to north. I will be biking THE UNDERGROUND RAILROAD BIKE TOUR from Mobile Alabama to Buffalo New York, a total of about 1808 miles.
The Underground Railroad Tour starts in one of the dominate slave ports in American history and follows the "Freedom Trail" by tracing the rivers and routes of freedom seekers from the deep south to the free land in the north.
The team will stop in churches and communities en route to raise support and enlist "Freedom Partners" for International Justice Mission, a human rights agency that secures justice for victims of slavery, sexual exploitation and other forms of violent oppression. IJM lawyers, investigators and aftercare professionals work with local officials to ensure immediate victim rescue and aftercare, to prosecute perpetrators and to promote functioning public justice system
This hisorically important route witnessed countless numbers of slaves following landmarks and signs and being helped by "conductors" on their way to freedom. However, even more important that the sheer historical significance and the thousands of people that will be made aware of the issues of Human Trafficking/Modern Slavery, there is a bigger reason I am doing this epic ride. In Isaiah 61:1 it says,
" The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners..."
It's pretty clear to me that as a follower of Christ that I under a mandate to do exactly what it says in Isaiah 61:1. I love the "proclaim freedom for the captives" part. To proclaim something means to declare publicly, typically insistently, proudly, or defiantly and to praise or glorify openly or publicly. I can't keep from thinking how much things have changed in the never ending struggle against oppression and slavery and yet they haven't changed at all. We have a long way to go and there is always hope. Our goal on this ride is not only increasing awareness but to restore hope and the belief that things can be changed by joining our voices together in the call for social justice. I urge you to join us in any manner possible to support this cause. One of the most important ways you an support us is to pray. In James 5:16 it says, "The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results". I know that it works and witnessed it many times on THE RIDEWELL BIKE TOUR where prayer moved some mighty big mountains. So, the challenging road lies ahead and I can hardly wait to see what's going to happen this summer...God is going to be busy...real busy.

2010-02-27T02:38:00.000-08:00

here comes...monkeywrenches

2010-02-26T09:20:00.000-08:00

So, I was thinking about how many times I have planned things only to find in the end they aren’t even close to what I originally envisioned. Now, I can be a pretty spontaneous guy but for the most part I like a little order and control in my life. I wouldn’t actually classify myself as a “control freak” but I seem to need more structure and predictability as I get older. The bad thing is about that is I tend to play most things a little too safe. The bad thing about playing things safe and keeping your risk low is that it doesn’t really challenge your faith too much, if at all. If the outcome of something is predictable and known then it becomes boring. There are too many of us walking around in this condition trying to live a life that matters. We try to live like we matter, what we do is important, and become hypnotized and numb to those who are in need around us. I like to say we become the objects of our own attention and affection. Some call that self centered. I have discovered many times the more I try to create something on my own power and try to control the variables the more God throws a monkey wrench into it. I love that term of “throwing a monkey wrench” into something. If you throw a monkey wrench into the works, you ensure that something fails. It usually means something comes to a dead halt. God has thrown a lot of monkey wrenches into stuff in my life. I sometimes just imagine Him poised and ready, wrench in hand, waiting on me to try and launch my “next big thing” without Him. I still always act surprised when I try to do things on my own power and they fail or enjoy marginal success at best. God wants me to be completely dependent on Him in all I do. To do that is a difficult thing for almost all of us. I say almost because there are many people who do not have the luxury of having any resources to even try to do anything on their own. All they have is their faith. The homeless, the orphans, the widows, the hungry, the thirsty, and those suffering that live a day to day and sometimes minute to minute existence. When we become comfortable based on material possessions and that life we falsely believe we have created we become disengaged from those who suffer. We drift away from a complete dependence on God. And…when we drift away and become stubbornly insistent on doing things our way I can assure you that God is getting out His toolbox and looking for another monkey wrench…

2010-02-25T17:58:00.000-08:00

heaven is...

2010-02-24T08:45:00.000-08:00

My dad took me to work with him one time when he was in the army. I still wasn’t exactly clear what soldiers did even though I would see him come and go every day. I remember that there were a lot of helicopters there. I studied them and they seemed so big and scary. I was fascinated with how they possibly could fly being so big and heavy. My dad walked over and interrupted my reverie and said, “you want go up in one?” I can’t recall for sure but I think I might have squealed like a girl. The ground effortlessly floated away beneath me. I looked down at the place where I lived and it seemed so small now. I got it. I understood the pattern. I could see where the roads went, buildings and houses and understood there was a design here. Maybe this is how God sees things. He sees the big picture from up above and lets the little things handle themselves. Maybe there is this great big design of how things are supposed to work together like a jigsaw puzzle. I looked over at my dad. He had the faintest hint of a smile. He doesn’t really smile too much. He seemed to be lost in some really deep thoughts. I really wished that we could stay up here forever. I thought it would be nice to be able to fly just over the treetops and look down on the world below. Maybe that was what he was thinking about right now. Maybe this is what heaven is like…

2010-02-23T17:56:00.000-08:00

"Music takes us out of the actual and whispers to us dim secrets that startle our wonder as to who we are, and for what, whence, and whereto"...

flight to safety...

2010-02-22T07:09:00.000-08:00

Everybody needs a safe place. We all need a harbor, a refuge or a sanctuary. Everybody needs that place where they can go to escape from real or imagined danger. This feeling I felt right now was about as real as it could get. I felt an uneasy feeling in my stomach as I grabbed a few random clothes from my room. I had an unsettling thought before turning out the light, what if I can’t come back? What if I have to move again? What if I have to say goodbye again? I thought all that was over when my dad unexpectedly got out of the army. I thought the move here to my other grandma’s house meant I would get to be in one place for a while. Everything was being turned upside down again as we fled the danger into the night. My brother and I and my mom were setting out on an unexpected journey to the safe place. I couldn't’t help but wonder how long I would have to run away from places and people that loved me. I looked at my dad as we scurried through the kitchen. He looked both sad and tired. He pleaded with my mom not to go but her decision was made and her resolve was unshakable. I said goodbye to my dad as if I was going on some kind of normal little trip to go see grandma. But, this wasn’t normal. Nothing about how I felt right now was normal. Nothing was ever going to be normal again. I'm pretty sure of that...

2010-02-21T05:17:00.000-08:00

fear of rejection...

2010-02-20T07:03:00.000-08:00

“It is not rejection itself that people fear; it is the possible consequences of rejection. Preparing to accept those consequences and viewing rejection as a learning experience that will bring you closer to success, will not only help you to conquer the fear of rejection, but help you to appreciate rejection itself.”

I felt rejection from an early age. I experienced one of the worse rejections imaginable…a son being rejected by his father. I, many years later, finally decided that he never really sat out to intentionally reject me. He just decided to reject life and I unfortunately was a part of it. I can remember always being picked last for things at school, which a kid translated to mean…not desirable, not valuable, and not wanted. Those are tough things for a kid to carry around growing up. I think God designed our families to be places of acceptance, nurturing and unconditional love. When that all goes away for whatever reason we seek those things in other places and in other ways. This is supposedly one of the driving motivations in people joining gangs, clubs, and organizations. We have this primal need to belong and be accepted despite our faults and flaws. I never was a “joining up” guy or a gang member but I certainly had every reason to be. Statistically speaking I had every reason to be in jail or even worse, prison. The toll on society from boys who are fatherless is staggering both financially and culturally. There was a tremendous absence in my life when my dad decided to leave a son at the time a son needed a dad the most. Obviously he wasn’t thinking much about that. He was only thinking about his pain which still feels awfully selfish. As a result, I adopted an attitude that nobody would ever leave me again…no one would ever walk out on me. So, growing up I did the leaving, I did the walking and I did the quitting. Although I far from understood it at the time, for many years I took on a “victim mentality”. The regrettable consequence of this is you live your life with low expectations, low effort and always fear potential rejection in everything. In effect you imagine yourself unlovable and this affects every relationship you have. It affected my relationship with God. I ran away from Him. I was afraid. I didn’t feel worthy. Nobody wanted to pick me for their team. I was always the last guy left standing who got picked by virtue of being last. I didn’t think God was any different. It took a long time for me to figure out I was wrong on that one…boy was I wrong.

2010-02-19T02:28:00.000-08:00

a really cold dinner...

2010-02-18T13:01:00.000-08:00

My mom seemed to be unusually on edge as we ate dinner. There wasn’t a whole lot of talking going on around the table but there sure was a lot of looking. I lost my appetite and just moved my food around on my plate. I was on high alert now and watching every little thing going on around me. I watched the muscles in my dad’s jaw clench and release as he slowly chewed his dinner very methodically. I heard my mom’s foot tap nervously on the dining table leg. It seemed to be tapping out some type of primal sos message. My mom finally told me and my brother we could leave the table and that was a relief. We went into the living room, plopped down and stared blankly at the television. I could hear the soft mumbling conversation going on in the kitchen. I closed my eyes. I imagined myself to be anywhere but here. Anywhere. But, I was here and was reminded of that when the voices became a little sharper out in the kitchen. My mom suddenly pushed back from the table and jumped up from her chair. She came in the living room and said, “go get some clean clothes…we’re going to Grandmas.” I stole a glance at my dad on the way to my room. He was sitting at the table just looking down at his food with his fork in his hand. I knew that this trip to Grandma’s house was just another name for going to a safe place.

2010-02-17T07:47:00.000-08:00

There is much suffering in the world - physical, material, mental. The suffering of some can be blamed on the greed of others. The material and physical suffering is suffering from hunger, from homelessness, from all kinds of diseases. But the greatest suffering is being lonely, feeling unloved, having no one. I have come more and more to realize that it is being unwanted that is the worst disease that any human being can ever experience.

we were soldiers...

2010-02-16T02:47:00.000-08:00

My dad was a soldier. I remembered that we always seemed to be moving around a lot. That was both good and bad for a kid because it seemed I was frequently saying goodbye to someone. I don’t actually remember how of if we were ever officially told that we were moving again. It all just seemed to happen so fast. The packers would come in, box everything up, load up the moving truck and away we would go. I really did get tired of saying goodbye. The good thing was there were always a lot of kids with dads in the Army at our new homes so we really didn’t have too much trouble making new friends. It was just that they never seemed to last. I was a loner. I gravitated to kids in my neighborhoods but not by choice. Mostly they just seemed to find me and they were in the same boat so it all worked out. I remember how hard my mom always tried to make and keep things normal as possible. I knew that my dad got up in the morning, went to where soldiers go to work, came home, ate dinner and then bed. Every now and then we did some fun stuff like go on vacation or go see grandparents. My mom would take me and my brother to church and insisted on vacation bible school every summer no matter where we were living. Vacation bible school was great. I learned how to make lots of things out of popsicle sticks. I learned about Jesus and His dad, God. I remember He didn’t seem to be much like my dad.

2010-02-15T07:08:00.000-08:00

Each time a person stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, these ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance. Injustice can be eliminated, but human conflicts and natural limitations cannot be removed. The conflicts of social life and the limitations of nature cannot be controlled or transcended. They can, however, be endured and survived. It is possible for there to be a dance with life, a creative response to its intrinsic limits and challenges. Resistance to oppression is often based on a love that leads us to value ourselves, and leads us to hope for more than the established cultural system is willing to grant ... such love is far more energizing than guilt, duty, or self-sacrifice. Love for others leads us to accept accountability (in contrast to feeling guilt) and motivates our search for ways to end our complicity with structures of oppression. Solidarity does not require self-sacrifice, but an enlargement of the self to include community with others.

our Father...

2010-02-14T02:27:00.000-08:00

There were so many things I didn’t understand about that day. I certainly didn’t understand that there was a real big difference between my earthly father and my heavenly father. I must have said, “our father, who art in heaven”, dozens of times but I guess I never thought about the fact that He was really there, watching and protecting and intervening when necessary. Another thing I didn’t understand was that He was on as high alert as I was right now sitting in this car waiting and watching every car go by. I silently prayed in my own simple and unsophisticated way, “God don’t let my mom come by here.” We sat there for what seemed like an eternity to a couple of kids. It was made worse by the stone faced silent dad watching up the road for moms’ car. “Well, I guess we must have missed her” he finally said with a sigh as he started up the car and pulled back out on the road. As the house came into view, I saw my mom’s car sitting in the driveway. I could feel the breath being sucked out of my chest and the tears well up in my eyes.

To hope...perchance to dream...

2010-02-13T02:28:00.000-08:00

To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness.What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places -- and there are so many -- where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction.
And if we do act, in however small a way, we don't have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.-Howard Zinn

Am I my brothers keeper?...

2010-02-12T06:33:00.000-08:00

Am I my brother's keeper? ... Yes, I am my brother's keeper. I am under a moral obligation to him that is inspired, not by maudlin sentimentality, but by the higher duty I owe myself. It is when you have done your work honestly, when you have contributed your share to the common fund that you begin to live. Then, as Whitman said, you can take out your soul; you can commune with yourself; you can take a comrade by the hand and you can look into his soul and in that holy communion you live. And if you don't know what that is, or if you are not at least on the edge of it, it is denied you even to look into the Promised Land. - Eugene V. Debs

2010-02-11T02:26:00.000-08:00

Dreamland...

2010-02-10T07:44:00.000-08:00

It felt like a dream. I am sitting in the front seat and my brother is in the back. We are quiet, watching my dad for clues as to where we are going . He is staring straight ahead hands griping the steering wheel and driving very determined. I slowly rolled down the window. I felt really queasy all of a sudden and the feeling was made worse knowing I dare not ask him to pull over. It was clear we were on some kind of crazy predetermined mission. My brother sat quietly, staring absent mindedly out the window, as if he was out for a drive to the store or something. I still was searching through my mind for clues as the car slowed and my dad backed us off the highway and parked at the beginning of someone’s long country driveway. We were now sitting facing out onto the road that my mom would soon use on her way home from work. My dad sat rigid and silent staring straight ahead. He lit a cigarette and looked at me and said, “we’re just gonna wait for your mom to come by.” I just didn’t understand it until later, very much later, that Gods hand was on me that afternoon while sitting and waiting for evil to have its way.

2010-02-09T02:24:00.000-08:00

Fear...

2010-02-08T07:33:00.000-08:00

It was just a day. It was a day like so many other days. Totally unremarkable. Get up, get dressed, eat breakfast and go to school. But, this day felt different when I came home. There was a palpable tension in the air when I came in the house. Even a thirteen year old boy who is normally immune from the emotional weather in his house felt a big, a really big storm brewing. Even at thirteen you have a survival instinct that activates itself. I think it is Gods way to give us an ever so slight advantage over the devil. There’s this little voice we hear in our heads at times of imminent danger and we respond accordingly and most often automatically. My dad was sitting silently in the living room watching the television. I just got home from school and I started for my room and he turned his head and looked at me. It was not a look I recognized and it didn’t feel welcoming. The tiny voice in my head began to speak, ever so softly, “something’s wrong…time to go back out…”. I could feel my stomach flip as I scanned for clues as to what would come next. He got up, shut off the television and said, “Go get your brother, we’re going for a ride.” I am just standing there thinking that my brother was the smart one for not coming in the house after shool. “Ok, where we going?” I asked, almost afraid to hear the answer. “We’re gonna ride up the road and wait on your mother to get off work”, he said. I started out to go and get my brother and that voice started up again. “You are going to meet your mother??” She has her own car I thought to myself. Then the questions really began to come rapid fire. There was a definite sense that something was not fitting together here and for the first time I actually felt scared of my dad.

2010-02-07T05:51:00.000-08:00

The "least of my brethren" are the hungry and the lonely, not only for food, but for the Word of God; the thirsty and the ignorant not only for water, but also for knowledge, peace, truth, justice and love; the naked and the unloved, not only for clothes but also for human dignity; the unwanted; the unborn child; the racially discriminated against; the homeless and abandoned, not only for a shelter made of bricks, but for a heart that understands, that covers, that loves; the sick, the dying destitutes, and the captives, not only in body, but also in mind and spirit; all those who have lost all hope and faith in life; the alcoholics and dying addicts and all those who have lost God (for them God was but God is) and who have lost all hope in the power of the Spirit.

Mother Teresa

2010-02-06T10:07:00.000-08:00

Chapter One...

2010-02-05T18:29:00.000-08:00

“Whaaaack” The handle of the rake came swift and hard across the back of my legs. I am a little embarrassed to say this is one of the things I remember best about my dad. Yeah, he had a real bad temper. I never knew why or when it would come. It would just boil up like a storm on a summer day. The swiftness and the randomness of the triggering events were always hard for a son to understand. I was just a goofy little kid who wanted to be loved and make my dad proud of whatever thing I tried to do to please him. There was just no pleasing him, though. I tried to pretend it was my fault and that way I could least share some of the responsibility for my assorted punishments. But, even that gets old especially as you get older and start to be able to figure things out a little better. There is a lot of cause and effect in operation when you are a kid. You aren’t able to discern the intricacies of how a mind works and what could be the unspoken cause to get the back of your dads hand across your face. That’s probably the way God planned it so we wouldn’t entirely give up on our parents being able to love and protect us. We always came back for more, unfailingly and unflinching and just hoping. Our hope turns into stubborn determination as we get older and we believe that we can change them. We believe if we could find this elusive thing, just out of our reach, then we would be loved. So here begins the original faulty paradigm that I will operate out of for many years to come and that gives way to the paradox that becomes my life. That paradox, in a nutshell, is I have always been searching for something or someone external to ourselves for our sense of worth and happiness. This is such a primal lesson learned and we receive it in many different ways. Some of us are molested, devalued, dehumanized and abused in so many different ways. Where the conflict comes in, at such a basic level, is that someone who loves me is supposed to take care of me and nurture me and not violate my trust to do that. I guess I finally decided, after many years, some people just don’t have the capacity for that no matter how hard we wish or hope or pray.