here comes...monkeywrenches

So, I was thinking about how many times I have planned things only to find in the end they aren’t even close to what I originally envisioned. Now, I can be a pretty spontaneous guy but for the most part I like a little order and control in my life. I wouldn’t actually classify myself as a “control freak” but I seem to need more structure and predictability as I get older. The bad thing is about that is I tend to play most things a little too safe. The bad thing about playing things safe and keeping your risk low is that it doesn’t really challenge your faith too much, if at all. If the outcome of something is predictable and known then it becomes boring. There are too many of us walking around in this condition trying to live a life that matters. We try to live like we matter, what we do is important, and become hypnotized and numb to those who are in need around us. I like to say we become the objects of our own attention and affection. Some call that self centered. I have discovered many times the more I try to create something on my own power and try to control the variables the more God throws a monkey wrench into it. I love that term of “throwing a monkey wrench” into something. If you throw a monkey wrench into the works, you ensure that something fails. It usually means something comes to a dead halt. God has thrown a lot of monkey wrenches into stuff in my life. I sometimes just imagine Him poised and ready, wrench in hand, waiting on me to try and launch my “next big thing” without Him. I still always act surprised when I try to do things on my own power and they fail or enjoy marginal success at best. God wants me to be completely dependent on Him in all I do. To do that is a difficult thing for almost all of us. I say almost because there are many people who do not have the luxury of having any resources to even try to do anything on their own. All they have is their faith. The homeless, the orphans, the widows, the hungry, the thirsty, and those suffering that live a day to day and sometimes minute to minute existence. When we become comfortable based on material possessions and that life we falsely believe we have created we become disengaged from those who suffer. We drift away from a complete dependence on God. And…when we drift away and become stubbornly insistent on doing things our way I can assure you that God is getting out His toolbox and looking for another monkey wrench…

heaven is...

My dad took me to work with him one time when he was in the army. I still wasn’t exactly clear what soldiers did even though I would see him come and go every day. I remember that there were a lot of helicopters there. I studied them and they seemed so big and scary. I was fascinated with how they possibly could fly being so big and heavy. My dad walked over and interrupted my reverie and said, “you want go up in one?” I can’t recall for sure but I think I might have squealed like a girl. The ground effortlessly floated away beneath me. I looked down at the place where I lived and it seemed so small now. I got it. I understood the pattern. I could see where the roads went, buildings and houses and understood there was a design here. Maybe this is how God sees things. He sees the big picture from up above and lets the little things handle themselves. Maybe there is this great big design of how things are supposed to work together like a jigsaw puzzle. I looked over at my dad. He had the faintest hint of a smile. He doesn’t really smile too much. He seemed to be lost in some really deep thoughts. I really wished that we could stay up here forever. I thought it would be nice to be able to fly just over the treetops and look down on the world below. Maybe that was what he was thinking about right now. Maybe this is what heaven is like…

"Music takes us out of the actual and whispers to us dim secrets that startle our wonder as to who we are, and for what, whence, and whereto"...