the prodigal dad...

"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. "The son said to him, `Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. ' But the father said to his servants, `Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.” Luke 15: 20-24

In probably one of the most well known and frequently cited parables of the bible we celebrate the return of something thought lost forever...a beloved son. The unimaginable joy of a father seeing his rebellious son come home...sheer bliss. However, as we all know, sometimes these stories are illustrations of a larger story that Jesus is trying to tell us in a very cryptic way. I love the visuals and the mental imagery created by this story and as a father I can both appreciate and relate here. The bigger question for me is...what about the son that refuses to relent and come back? What about the dad that continues to watch...and wait...and hope to see his son “a long way off” because of alienation of his own doing? I am that dad...the prodigal dad. In the weirdest reversal of roles in this story and the most cruel twist possible I have turned this parable of Jesus upside down. It's not easy to say I had a hand in this but the reality is it's mostly my fault and sometimes that is hard to swallow. It seems like the things we do to ourselves are the things that make us the maddest. One thing necessary to be a good dad is commitment...commitment to being present both physically and mentally. Like many fathers who fall short I was lacking on that one thing that is necessary to keep a family together. There is no magical formula that makes things come together and stay together...it is a lot of work. Unfortunately many of us dads have a tendency to give up when the going gets tough. And... when the going gets tough...we leave...we walk out. Once out, it becomes really hard to come back and be present in the way we should. We become part-time dads at best. We come and go as we please and drift in and out of our kids lives without thought of the consequences. The consequences are there is no stability...no consistency...and eventually no trust. It's easy to be this kind of dad and many of us do it. I never imagined the example I was setting and the kind of long lasting damage inflicted because of my ignorance and irresponsibility. The ultimate realization of that fact only makes us run farther away...and I did. A significant problem is that despite many claims to the contrary...there are no instruction manuals for dads. Even if there were we probably wouldn't look at them anyways...we are kind of bad about that. We believe we can figure it out on our own and the weight of the type of father we had bears down heavily upon us and the weight of their fathers on them. Unless one had a stellar atypical perfect father who got it from the outset...we fumbled along with their failings as well. I am well familiar with the toll on society as a whole as well as individual relationships. It is a cost that we all are bearing in one way or another. I certainly am not making excuses for myself or anyone else. Things are different now...I am different now. I am the father waiting with the best robe, ring and I know someone with a fattened calf. Apparently there is a lot of truth to the maxim...like father, like son. Many times we both are waiting for the same things...the long and awaited and anticipated homecoming. Sadly, our stubbornness and inexperience with grace, forgiveness, and redemption makes the reunion especially awkward. So many expectations...fears...and things to be said. Trust comes back on it's own time and cannot be rushed. Hope is slow to emerge from the protection where it has lived for a long time. This all is an agonizing and difficult process...but faith dictates that both father and son wait...and watch carefully to see the other coming back...from a long way off...

Speaking: The Hero...

Speaking: The Hero

I did not want to go.

They inducted me.

I did not want to die.

They called me yellow.

I tried to run away.

They courtmartialed me.

I did not shoot.

They said I had no guts.

I cried in pain.

They carried me to safety.

In safety I died.

They blew taps over me.

They crossed out my name

And buried me under a cross.

They made a speech in my home town.

I was unable to call them liars.

They said I gave my life.

I had struggled to keep it.

They said I set an example

I had tried to run.

They said they were proud of me.

I had been ashamed of them.

They said my mother should be proud.

My mother cried.

I wanted to live.

They called me a coward.

I died a coward.

They called me a hero.

by Felix Pollak

excuse me...for getting in your way...

“What gives you the right to look at me with disdain and talk to me like I don't matter?”... “Who in the world do you think you are to dismiss me so quickly?”... “Did you ever...for a second...think that I have a story to tell and that...damn...it matters?” I am sure that at some point in my life I have caused someone to think these very thoughts...and I am sorry. You see we have this problem...we are selfish, self absorbed and generally feel entitled and ok with being rude and dismissive with people that get in our way. It happens every minute of every day...right now. Contained within the core essence of our being is this incessant need to be first...right...cool...hip...edgy...trendy...quirky...I think you get the idea. Anyone else who doesn't fit into our self defined category is basically...well...of little concern or useless to us. There is a fundamental disconnect between who we really are and who we think we are. We allow these boundaries and lines we draw to separate us from one another and...what separates us from one another separates us from God. Feeling superior to someone or refusing the simplest kindest act is totally incompatible with being loved and forgiven by a loving God and receiving grace. How dare us receive what we are not willing and freely able to give to others. How arrogant to withhold what God has given as if it is some kind of contest to accumulate the most grace in order to be holy and religious. Perhaps you have a skewed view of religion and your own personal theology is standing in the way of changing someones life.

“A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, ‘Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.’ Jesus reached out His hand and touched the man.‘I am willing,’ he said. ‘Be clean!’ Immediately he was cured of his leprosy.”  Matthew 8:2-3

This unfortunate victim of leprosy was an outcast...an untouchable... and because of that he deemed himself unlovable. He was additionally burdened and stigmatized in his community as an outcast by being required to call out “Unclean, Unclean” as he walked the streets where he lived. This was to ensure that no one would come too close to him and possibly risk contracting this dreaded disease as well as become religiously unclean which was a huge taboo in that day. Can you imagine, for one second, if people we felt to be untouchable had to do that today? So, the leper was a social outcast, having lost everything of value to him. He lost his family, his friends, his sense of value and any interaction with others in his immediate community including his church and others who were non-lepers. He was left totally without hope...he is socially and physically isolated and alone... He is desperate and has nowhere else to turn...dead end. And, in his abject desperation, despair and suffering... he calls out to Jesus. It seems like in our most desperate hour... in our last ditch grasp for anything to relieve this misery many of us call out to Jesus. Perhaps faith and desperation are more closely linked than we sometimes give credit for. The interesting thing to note in this parable is the fact that the disenfranchised leper asks not to be made well or healed , but rather to be made clean. He takes a huge risk and asks Jesus for something that not only restores him physically, but that also makes him able to enter society again. As with many of us, this leper was seeking redemption and restoration and not necessarily  wellness. If Jesus did this for him, it would change his entire life. He would not just be well, but for the first time he could be whole. However, the most shocking and controversial part of Jesus’ interaction with the leper is the idea of being touched. Jesus gets close to him, gives him his undivided attention and then reaches out and in this touch Jesus risks becoming physically infected while at the same time fully making Himself religiously unclean. Jesus touch would have been considered horribly offensive to the religious people. He not only broke the rules, but he also put Himself at serious risk. What was He thinking to take a risk like that? He put Himself in harms’ way to do something that wasn’t even necessary for the leper’s physical healing. So, why touch the leper? The touch becomes a huge paradox...an exchange was made in that second. That which was considered hopelessly untouchable becomes clean and Jesus takes on the “uncleanness” of the lepers disease. Jesus was not afraid and showed no fear...hesitation..or judgment...So, the question becomes...why do we? Mainly out of fear and ignorance and putting self interest before others needs. I just offer the following prayer I found to remind us when we are feeling self important...

Jesus, help us to keep our focus on you and to always reach out to those who have been overlooked and outcast. Help us to not walk past those who are in need. May we touch the untouchable in your Name and impart value to those who are cursed. May we incarnationally be you to those who are literally and figuratively marginalized and diseased. And, may we always be open to your leading in cooperating with you in bringing total restoration to those who are desperately without any hope…except for You. After all, while the circumstances looked totally different, that was me too...diseased...broken and desperately without any true hope…except for You.

the silent killers...

It started with a headache...You see, I never...well, hardly ever...get headaches. In fact, I am rarely sick at all. When I do get sick, though, there are several problems that immediately arise. Being a nurse one tends to diagnose themselves with every imaginable disease and condition. I have had all sorts of ailments from various cancers to brain tumors. I think just having the knowledge of illnesses and what can go wrong in the body is dangerous if in the wrong hands...like mine. So, these intermittent headaches got my attention because I am of the belief that any time your head hurts that is a sign of some sort of problem. Usually I use the process of elimination just like doctors do except they fancy it up and call it differential diagnosis. It seriously is just an educated guess under the best of circumstances. So, I eliminated hunger...thirst...and stress as the provoking factor in how I am feeling lately. The other issue as a man is we adamantly refuse to go to a doctor unless on deaths doorstep. So, being a man and a nurse I am doubly doomed. I sometimes have the bad habit of living in denial of an obvious truth until it becomes a crisis issue. So, the other day at work, I was feeling unusually tired for early in the day and the nagging headache was creeping back. I felt hot and flushed even though it was comfortable in my office. I went to the bathroom and looked at my face in the mirror and to my surprise saw I was as flushed as could be. I had a rosy glow that resembled an early summer sunburn. I thought to myself...maybe I should take my blood pressure. So I did...imaging my horror when I saw the numbers 158/103 flash on the machine. My immediate reaction...that can't possibly be right. So, I rechecked it...and again...and again...switched arms...no change. I was stunned. My blood pressure almost always is around 110/60...or should I say...has been. I tried to finish my work but needless to say...this was weighing very heavy on my mind. I came home and drank a lot of water to rehydrate and hopefully bring it back to normal. My wife came home and I told her about it and we rechecked it...no change. I asked her “when do you think it will come down?” and she said, “I don't know”. Not the answer I wanted to hear and she knew that. I rechecked it before bed and the next morning...no change 150/94. I thought...what if it doesn't change? I didn't like the thought of that at all. I thought of the countless thousands of people a day that get some new shocking news in the form of a diagnosis they didn't want or expect. Right on the heels of that came the thought...that's possibly me. Shocking and sobering at the same time. I felt the weight of the denial of a lot of signs and symptoms fall down upon me. Even in the face of solid evidence I still sought to rationalize. This is what we do with many things in our lives...particularly sin. We seem to categorize sin in our lives on a self created sliding scale. The big attention getting sins get top billing and the lesser ones fall in place further along the scale. We measure and compare sins both to themselves and others. In the process we can successfully...at least to ourselves...feel a sense of “well that's NOT that bad” or “I'm not as bad as that guy”. This is a false reality we create and we live in a state of denial until something really bad happens...like your blood pressure staying excessively high. Until the symptoms of the so called little...benign...minor sins become a full blown illness or erupt in a catastrophic manner that wrecks our life we go on merrily ignoring warning signs that God sends your way. It is a ticking time bomb...it's a roll of the dice...it's a huge gamble to live in denial. However, for many of us it's safer that way. We bury into the busyness of our daily lives these seemingly insignificant little sins and totally minimize the cumulative effects and the ultimate tragic outcome which is an ever widening split in our relationship with Jesus. We finally get to the point where He has become something we only know and do not live in all that we do. As I contemplate the possibility of being diagnosed with high blood pressure that requires treatment and lifestyle changes I understand how denial operates in our lives and can make us really sick. This untreated and denied sin is no different...both make us sick and both can kill. So, I'll take the medicine...as bitter as it may be to me. I don't like it...but the consequences of ignoring those signs...whether from your body or from God...isn't something worth gambling on...

rapture anyone?...

So, apparently the world was supposed to end last Saturday...I spent the day doing most improbable and illogical thing possible in light of that fact...I planted a garden. I don't know anything much about end time predictions really except they really get a lot of attention. Unfortunately the attention always misdirects a lot of people and re-blackens the eye of Christians in general. So, I chose to do the most faith and life affirming thing on the day the world was set to end in violent catastrophe. There is a reoccurring thought that seems to play in my head as I work the soil...plant seeds and plants with the vision and hope for a future harvest. There is no difference in the way we are supposed to live as followers of Jesus. Jesus tells us over and over to plant seeds and to plant them with the vision and hope of a harvest. These seeds are sharing the gospel and our personal stories with others and how Christ has changed us and our lives. We sow liberally without regard to the likelihood of whether the seeds will sprout, take root and bear fruit. The only way to ensure success is to tend that garden we have planted and we do that by being present and attentive to the needs of others that we sow into. It is an investment we make and we should treat is as such and take ownership of it. I always see the direct connection with what I am doing in my backyard garden with what I am doing in the world as a whole. It is merely a microcosm of the larger way we are called to live by Jesus. As I strive to create my so-called Eden...it should mirror the same work on a larger scale to bring that vision to the world in which we live. To do anything less is an issue of faith and lack of understanding of how the kingdom of God gets advanced by us. We are farmers and we are planters and as Wendell Berry says,

 “The care of the Earth is our most ancient and most worthy, and after all our most pleasing responsibility. To cherish what remains of it and to foster its renewal is our only hope."

It the most hopeful of things to plant the tiniest of seeds...a lettuce or carrot seed or even a mustard seed as Jesus referenced and wait and watch the potential held within that tiny seed burst forth into the thing that God designed it to be. There is a powerful healing that takes place inside of us when we see this transformation before our very eyes. It's no different than the seed of the gospel that we plant within someone when we share our personal stories of faith and redemption and restoration. How could you be so arrogant and selfish and self absorbed that you wouldn't want to do that for someone? I don't know. However, I do know this...all of the end times talk is pale and insignificant when compared to the incredibly simple way that Jesus has shown us how to grow this amazing garden...I don't know about you...but I have a lot of work to do right now...it's planting season... but seriously, when is it not?