living the real gospel...

I am just sitting here and ruminating on the definition of the real and true gospel and what that really means in regard to our daily lives. I honestly do not believe we value enough the importance of the gospel being interwoven into the fabric of our day to day life and what an integral part of us it becomes when we are a follower of Christ. I feel like many of us view it as something we put on when we “go” on a specific designated mission for God. I frequently see it really used as an accessory and an afterthought as opposed to something as vital as the very air we breathe. It looks good on us and we appear righteous and holy when we are sharing the gospel and our story with someone of how God has worked in our lives. It's like raising our hands in worship to an amazing God on Sundays at our churches and forgetting to use those same extended hands in service to others through the week. The sad fact is that this is something so basic and intrinsic within our DNA that we should both seek out and pray for opportunities to share this with others always. There really are two separate components to this good news and it is difficult to get people to effectively understand this unless both are working together, I call it a show and tell approach and it is vital to maintain the credibility and impact of what you are trying to say. I can remember many times in elementary school when we would have an entire day solely dedicated to show and tell. I know that I am a visual learner and the idea of tying a visual demonstration of something together with a lecture or discussion was always much more effective for me. I think this is true for a lot of others as well. The showing part is the actual physical doing...coming along side with compassion and understanding and meeting a perceived physical need, All too often it's easy to use words...sometimes a lot of words...sometimes too many words...and tell someone what you or God is going to do to change and improve their life. However, if there are unmet physical needs...like hunger...poverty...lack of clean water...need for basic medical care...then those words don't carry much weight. Even if you come to an impoverished people with those words and an abundance of “hand-outs”...it's no different as you are only applying a temporary solution and creating an even greater dependency. Over time we have learned that this is bad and totally counterproductive to the true gospel message. A sustainable relationship where both parties are invested to create a vision of how that the hope of a better life comes from surrender to and trusting in God is inherently better. The other equally critical part of this formula is the actual verbal proclamation of the gospel message. In Romans 10: 14,15 it says,
“How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”
I really like how that says...you have to preach to them. We all know that there is a way to do that in truth and love and without being overbearing...holier than thou...and preachy. I think most of us know that turns people off and when turned off they shut us out. I know saying that probably is controversial to some. Some believe you just put it out there in a forceful evangelistic way and let the chips fall where they may. Perhaps...I don't know. I am just saying what is effective for me and most likely a lot of other people. Irrespective of your chosen style the bible is clear we are to bring the good news to all...everywhere we go. Rick McKinley, Pastor of Imago Dei church in Portland Oregon says, “ We need the gospel...in order to give the gospel...” That is one of those statements that seems so true and obvious it needs no mention. Unfortunately, it does need mentioning because it's like one of the prime physical laws of the universe meaning you cannot possibly give what you yourself do not possess. Do you have the gospel? Is it woven into the fabric of your daily existence? Are you living it? The bigger question probably is... do you actually know what the “real” gospel is? Notice I said real? So, that clarification and emphasis perhaps would lead one to believe there are other versions or corruptions of the gospel, right? Well, indeed there are and in a few future blog postings I will delve into that a bit as it is too much to tack on here. We need to be perfectly clear that our sharing of the gospel must be done in complete faith and understanding that it is totally sufficient unto itself...nothing need be added...nor taken away. Anytime you see the ___________...you fill the blank...gospel you can be suspect of it. This is where we get into so much trouble when we put our own spin on it and it becomes this mutant thing far from the original. So how will you preach today?...how will you share your story?...how will you show someone...perhaps the most unlikely someone...how this gospel works to bring redemption and hope and peace?. God has trusted you with the most important thing you could or will ever do...making Him famous and known in the world. Will you be the salt and the light or will you let someone else do your job?. I know it's not easy...but do the hard work and have that conversation...pray for the opportunity...to do something that will have eternal impact...how awesome is that?

 CAUSE AND EFFECT

the best often die by their own hand

just to get away,

and those left behind

can never quite understand

why anybody

would ever want to

get away

from

them

Charles Bukowski

losing my religion...

I am leaving my church....Trust me...this is not a decision that I take lightly or feel inclined to do without lots of soul searching. I have read and heard many differing opinions about leaving churches both pro and con. I guess my situation is a little different in that while I have been going to this particular church for a few years...I am not a member. I have this funny thing about joining stuff and the labels that gets placed on me when I do. My season of discontent has again returned to me and the reality of what must be done is now at hand. I simply cannot continue to participate in something without a vital part of my body...my heart...being present. To do so is called being the worse kind of hypocrite and we know what Jesus thought about those... The Greek word hypokrisis means putting on a mask to misrepresent reality and those actors who did so in that ancient era were known as hypocrites. That's how I have been feeling lately on every Sunday as I walk into my church and get “clicked”...aka being counted...or being documented as present. Nothing specifically personal against anyone there...it's me. I have these seasons where I experience severe cognitive dissonance. I have been busy examining this condition and how it affects everything I view in the world and decisions I make based on that. One thing I do know is that it is a significant internal conflict between opposite beliefs and not always entirely rational and a lot of us have it. That's the part I am always rightly concerned about...is this just me?...am I the only one who thinks this? What is wrong with me? Often times it is just me as I often see and think about things much differently than most people...or so it seems. The bigger danger for all who suffer this malady is that we may rationalize anything we need to do to validate our choices. We then, perhaps later, feel maybe that wasn't the right thing to do. This is where we get the term buyers remorse which means we may make a questionable purchase...after justifying it...then regretting it later. The real problem is that creates guilt and we know the destructive effects of guilt. Entire systems of religion have been built and maintained on that one concept...guilt. So, you can see that a seemingly simple thing like leaving your church can be as complex and psychologically and philosophically dense as you choose. I really prefer to just keep things as plain and simple as I can. I have thought about my decision a lot...like every Sunday... or even right now...It has just become more and more clear that this is necessary for me to continue to move in the direction where God is leading me. When I have discussed this with people in the past, they have said , “well, you know, God puts you in places for seasons and for His purpose...not ours”. I am so in total agreement with that and I used to be afraid of overstaying my season and all the leaves falling off my tree. As simple as I can boil it down to the essence and just say it...my pastor doesn't share my passion for the things I am all about. It just all feels so impersonal and focused on the inside of the church and I am so hopelessly mission focused and in tune to the external community and world. I feel like the sole beater of this drum. I don't share the pastors desire to shape and maintain the traditional culture...status quo... within the church as opposed to the importance of making disciples and sending them out. As with many other churches I realize there may be different directions and diverse ministries vying for a piece of the pie. I get that people have pet projects and feel protective of their turf and want to be recognized and funded. We all have our causes. However that is not an issue with me and I feel I am about the things that are important and weigh heavy on the heart of Jesus. The poor...the oppressed...the widow...the orphan...the prisoner in captivity of every sort. I have been charged with a task. In Isaiah 61, it says, “The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn...” The reality is that is of prime importance to Jesus and therefore myself as His disciple. The reality is that what the gospel is all about is ...missions. I am more convinced everyday that this attractional model of doing church only serves the church and not necessarily the lost and hurting world to a large degree. We become comfortable and lazy and satisfied within the confines of the four walls and everything become program driven and we lose our focus on mentoring and making disciples. These programs become our reason for being a church and those who drive them become territorial and inwardly focused and drift away from taking up the cross daily and giving sacrificially. A few years ago The Southern Baptist Convention appointed a task force to set in place specific steps to refocus and reignite a resurgence of the Great Commission. Their hope was to establish a grass roots movement to ensure the continued spread of the gospel to the world. What happened? Well, it took a year and 137 recommendations later and lots of discussions and more talking and some infighting and some wrangling over money and language...and here we are...a constructed evangelization program well laid out within the safety of the church for the participants to take the gospel door to door...placing ourselves in the big mix of many other churches and (false) gospels being sold at the front door. I'm sorry...again I say...it's just me. My observations...my opinions...I just don't see the gospel as something we can package up into a standardized....memorized...sales presentation to be delivered at someones front door when they are in almost the least receptive frame of mind possible. Seriously...who really thinks this is an acceptable method and feel good about doing it...not me. I know it's relational and there has always been a right place and time according to Gods design. He never fails us on that. I am not presuming to say that I know the right way or only way to evangelize...but I just don't think this is exactly what Jesus has in mind for us. The only way I can just barely say this is ok in my sight is that the “salesman” is out of the confines of the church and they are getting practice interacting with people and probably getting to defend their faith a lot. My problem and the root of my cognitive dissonance is that I believe the life changing power of the gospel comes into full force when we come along beside someone and are serving and developing a relationship just as Jesus so often did. I have discovered this is a far more powerful witness to people and has a much deeper value and long range and sustainable impact. I believe the gospel is best understood within the confines of a community where we aren't afraid to let others see our brokenness and can be open and honest with each other. I believe the gospel is spread hand to hand as we reach out to touch and heal the lives of others with the miraculous redemptive power of forgiveness and grace...and in that seemingly simple act of reaching out...we are healed as well...

Witches and confessing to iPhones...

I saw a news story the other day that reflected the desperation of both our economy and of our spirit. I am pretty sure it was in Salem Massachusetts...one of the major witch centers of the world...where witches were being called on and were busy blessing houses and removing negative energy so that they would sell. Now, this says several different things to me. Immediately it says this homeowner is not a Christian and secondarily they are desperate for some kind of presumed blessing which will potentially cause their house to sell. I feel quite certain this is a “self made” man or woman who believes that their own power to create magic has failed and they have sought a higher power...a witch. I am at a loss how someone could actually believe this and be able to operate in any reasonable manner in the world. It's absolutely ludicrous to believe in something so absurd but people do believe in this and worse. Rabbits feet...horseshoes...four leaf clovers...and more. In Proverbs 11:25 it says, "A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed." When you're generous to others, God is going to be generous with you. As a Christian, it is obvious to me that unless I'm obeying God in the matter of following Him, God doesn't give me any actual guarantee to meet my needs. God is not obligated to meet any of my needs if I'm not obeying what He's told me to do. God says we can short circuit the power and the promises in our life. And certainly if you are not even plugged into Him in any manner then you have created an impossibility. That only leaves you one option...you're on your own. Honestly, to me that would be a very frightening prospect and selling a house would be the least of my worries. Plain and simple...God desires two things. He desires us to be in a close intimate relationship with Him and He desires our total dependence on Him. Do we depend on people we do not trust? Yes, we do and what happens? We get let down and disappointed. Our dependence on God is linked to our trust in Him. And that trust is linked to faith. The more faith we have in God, the more dependent we will be on Him. And the more surrendered in child like dependence, the more He takes care of us. So, there lies the problem...aside from the obvious. No trust in God...no relationship...no acknowledgment of Him as the risen savior and no faith except whatever we are able to do in our own power. It's called self reliance... and it seems to me, an unimaginable way to live. So, speaking of crazy and unimaginable things being important in peoples lives in a wrong way...I've got a doozie here...the new Apple “Confession: A Roman Catholic App”. Honestly, I thought it was a joke or a prank when I first heard about it. Nope...for $1.99 you could own it and not be left in the confessional booth sharing secrets with your priest. Yep...it was true and even blessed and approved by the Catholic church. It has been recently reported in the The Washington Post, last week, that a whopping 45 percent of Catholics never bother with going to confession and that only about a quarter of them go at least once a year. It seems that the up close and personal touch is what makes the confession of our sins so awkward and infrequent. So, this is the perfect sacrament/app for those who enjoy a more impersonal approach. To begin you enter your personal data...uh, creepy... and then answer a series of questions. Once completed, then you press the finish button which brings up a random spiritual quote from some long dead Catholic saint along with a lists of prayers and the Acts of Contrition based on your specific sins. Just so you know, I'm sure Apple probably reports the big sins...So, let me get this straight...I'm confessing my sins to an Apple device and it's doling out my punishment. I really never was too keen on the idea of a priest being a middle man between me and God before now and I am even less keen on the idea of it being an iPhone. Have we really just come to the point that we think this is ok? I will share a letter written in response to a news article dated February 16, 2011, in the La Canada Valley Sun from Flintridge California...

As a Protestant, I'm not going to have much favorable to say about an application that perpetuates what I believe to be an error at its root. Biblical confession is a matter of believers mutually sharing spiritual difficulties and leaning on one another for support to overcome them (James 5:16). It isn't about going into a box and revealing lurid details of your dark side to a guy behind the curtain. I’ve always wondered about priests that sit listening to endless confessions about masturbation and petty crime, afterward retaining the knowledge of every unsavory aspect of their parishioners’ lives. While I'm sure they generally view this information as a sacred trust, it has been used against people in times past by those in authority, including the priests themselves (no offense to the thousands of ethically well-behaved). The go-between nature of priestly confession also contradicts the Gospel message of direct access to God with direct forgiveness, since the only mediator between God and man is Jesus Christ, according to Scripture (1Timothy 2:5). Adding yet another middle-link in the equation seems all the more convoluted. Now, instead of interacting with fellow Christians, let alone a mediating man in black, there’s this passionless piece of programmed plastic that spews random quotes from dead saints like a Magic 8-Ball. This, after putting in vital information that could be hijacked or stolen, and once again, used against you. Imagine confessing to illicit thoughts or secret illegalities only to have them discovered by someone who gets a hold of your phone. Yikes!
I do believe that every advance in technology should be utilized for the sake of Christ, and there are already daily devotionals, Bible reading programs and other things available for Christians to use. But whether composing a Catholic iPhone confession will live beyond this app’s current novelty, we’ll see.

Rev. Bryan Griem
Montrose Community Church

So, witches and iPhone apps and any other foolish thing you choose will come and go and I think it's very obvious that God has boundless grace and mercy and even a sense of humor. But sometimes I just feel like His patience has got to be wearing thin...I know mine is...
For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Direct Orders - Anis Mojgani

 You have been given a direct order to rock the f**k out.
Rock out like you were just given the last rock n roll album on earth and the minutes are counting down to flames.
Rock out like you just won both showcase showdowns.
Rock out like the streets are empty except for you, your bicycle, and your headphones.
Rock out like your lips were just placed onto a break dancing muse with legs that go all the way up.
Rock out like publisher's clearing house is ringing at your front door.
Rock out like you'll never have to open up a text book again.
Rock out like you get paid to disturb the peace.
Rock out like music is all that you've got.
Rock out like you were standing on a roof top and city is as loud and glowing as a river flowing below you.
Rock out like the plane is going down and there are 220 people on board and 221 parachutes.
Rock out like the streets and books are all on fire and the flames can only be extinguished by doing the electric slide.
Rock out like it's Saturday afternoon and Monday was a national holiday.
Rock out like somebody's got a barrel pointed to your temple saying "Rock out like your life depended on it fool, because it does."
Rock out like your eyes are fading but you've still got your ears but you don't know for how long so rock out like 5 o clock time make it pop n lock time.
Rock out like you've got a pants full of tokens and nothing to do but everything.
Rock out like you are the international skee-ball champion of the entire universe.
Rock out like you just escaped an evil orphanage to join a Russian circus.
Rock out like your hero is fallen and you are spinning your limbs until they burst into a flaming pyre of remembrance.
Rock out like you are enslaved in the south and dancing is all that you have to know who you are.
Rock out like your dead grandfather just came back to take a ride with you in your brand new car.
Rock out like the table was full.
Rock out like the neighbors are away.
Rock out like the walls won't fall but damnit you're gonna die trying to make them.
Rock out like the stereo's volume knob only has the figure 8 of infinity on it instead of merely numbers.
Rock out like it's raining outside and you've got a girl to run through it with.
Rock out like you're playing football, football in the mud and your washing machines not broken.
Rock out like you threw your window open on your honeymoon because you want the whole world to know what love is.
Rock out like you just got a book published.
Rock out like you just went to your high school reunion and find out everyone even the women are all overweight and bald except for the former homecoming queen, who has just been divorced by her impotent husband and who only has eyes for you.
Rock out like you've got a date with Heidi Klum.
Rock out like the shadow of man passes behind you, drops you to your knees, you're buckling in a sweat, cold metal's pressed to your forehead, the trigger is pulled, and the gun jams.

Rock out like you've got an empty appointment book and a full tank of gas.
Rock out like Jimi has returned carrying brand new guitar strings.
Rock out like the mangos are in season.
Rock out like the record player won't skip.
Rock out like this was the last weekend, like these are the last words, like you don't ever want to forget how.

no roses...no chocolate...

Well, we've arrived at that day of the year when all of our attentions are on flowers, chocolate and hearts...Valentines Day. I thought long and hard about all the worn out and tired cliches that will be bantered about today...all the guilt driven sentiments...all the money that will be spent. All the hollow “I love you's” that will echo around the world. Do I sound like a total Valentine cynic? As far as the so called holiday goes...I am. I'm sorry and I apologize in advance if I am wrecking the day or the luvy-duvy mood for you. I just cannot stand how we are so manipulated and tugged at sometimes very cleverly by advertisers and others to believe that this day has anything at all to do with love and affection. It doesn't and shouldn't. It however is a day to make us perhaps focus on the heart both visually, emotionally and spiritually. I feel like if there is anything good that comes out of this day maybe that is it. As a nurse, I have lots of experience with the heart in many different respects...mostly the brokenness and illness of it and the effects on everyone because of that. One thing I have come to understand and appreciate is that there are a lot of sick and broken hearts in the world. Often times they are visible and sometimes not. Many of us go out of our way to hide that brokenness until it overpowers us with very bad consequences. I remember the first time I saw a real human heart...utterly fascinating. Needless to say, it didn't look like the typical bright red artistic representation we so often see. I was just amazed about the intricacy of the design and function. It wasn't until many years that I really understood it as the seat of the soul and tried to understand the spiritual aspect of the heart. The mechanical stuff is amazing enough but the emotive and spiritual aspect in nothing short of mind blowing. It is an aspect of humans that we will never know or understand and I am pretty sure that God intended it that way. There are over 800 times that the word heart is used in the King James Version of the bible...and over 400 in the Message bible. That's quite a difference. Yeah...you might say different language or translation...I say they cut a lot of the heart out. Just an observation. I remember when I saw heart surgery for the first time. I always wondered...how do they stop the heart from beating? Iced cold almost frozen slushy saline solution...BAM...comes to a dead stop...pardon the pun. It becomes cold and almost frozen...it stops...we die. No different from what happens spiritually, right? We lose our passion...the things that set our hearts on fire...we become lukewarm...then cold...heartless, as they say...then we die. That is an amazing parallel and I didn't get it for a really long time. I was no different that many of us and was walking around looking apparently quite normal on the outside but had a sick and growing sicker heart that was poised to kill me. This is the semi-perfect plan of Satan and that is to attack and capture our hearts and then kill us from there...sometimes slowly and sometimes faster. I was NOT lucky...I was blessed....I recognized the disease in time by the symptoms that were wrecking everything in my life and making others around me sick as well. Apparently another part of Satan's plan is to blind us to these symptoms and how sick we really are until it's almost too late. This is what we do...we ignore the warning signs. Oh, they were there all right...perhaps very subtle at first but become progressively worse. We rationalize away our tiny seemingly inconsequential sins until we have a full blown crisis on our hands. God knew that we were going to have heart trouble. He constantly reminded us our hearts were wicked and prone to deception. In Proverbs 28: 26 it says, “He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool”. He knew. And in Jeremiah 17: 9 it says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”. He knew. What's the solution? Simple really...a heart transplant. Yeah...this is a service God provides for you with your wicked, deceitful and broken heart. In Ezekiel 11: 19 He says, “And I will give them one heart, and I will put a new spirit within you; and I will take the stony heart out of their flesh, and will give them an heart of flesh:”. Now how's that for a good deal? No lengthy hospital stays...no risk of complications or rejection...no lifetime of medications. Does that sound crazy? Am I reading too much into this here? No...actually, I don't think so. You see, it happened to me...I am a witness to the miraculous ability of God to redeem and restore us no matter how sick. The only thing that stands in the way is our stubbornness and refusal to submit and admit we are totally powerless to heal ourselves no matter how hard we try. It's called surrender. This is why there is such rampant self medication that we do to our selves with drugs, alcohol, porn, and material things. We have this basic flawed idea that we can treat this heart trouble with a bunch of meaningless and empty stuff. It is a paradox of extreme proportions and we don't have to look far to see it anywhere we are. There is this pain in the deep depths and recesses of our soul and we do our best to numb it however we can. We can't ignore it...we numb it. It doesn't go away. It's like a very hungry parasitic worm in our gut and no matter how much we eat...it isn't enough and does us no good to sustain life. The good news...we can escape this life robbing heart condition...just surrender. That's it...no more...no less...stop fighting...giving in doesn't mean giving up. So, today... take a look at your heart...not that fancy one that's red or pink and surrounded with a lacy paper doily and probably says something cheesy like...roses are red...violets are blue. I think Jesus probably...no, I'm sure... has a better one for you....and His says ...be mine...

thoughts on writing blogs...

Writing blogs is a funny thing. I have thought about it a lot here lately as I seem to be writing much more than I normally do. In a way it sometimes feels like I'm writing a random note and putting it in a bottle and tossing it into the sea. I know a lot of what I think and feel compelled to write about is not random at all. I know that when I minimize distraction as I have this last month, writing comes easy and I feel inclined to write more. For me to write it is not a polished and complicated process. I actually don't know if that is either good or bad. I do know some who write are very disciplined and have rituals and a process they employ when they write. My writing seems to emanate from a wispy thought that seems to come into my awareness at sometimes odd and inopportune times. Once I began to dwell on it it just expands and flows from there. Sometimes the words in my head are coming faster than I can write or type. When I go back and read those...uh...I usually have to rewrite and polish that one much. However the nugget is always there. The most peculiar things can trigger these micro essays. Things I experience...things other people say...thoughts...dreams and visions. I cannot speak for others but I have found when I fast I have amazing graphic and technicolor dreams. Writing is a mind exercise that I find both challenging and relaxing. I am not sure if I have written enough yet to have a distinct style. Some who read my blogs may disagree, I actually try not to think about it because then I will feel the pressure to create it...over and over. You know like Stephen King or John Grisham...both very genre specific. I have always kind of had this little fantasy about writing a book. I have joked with many friends that I am going to write a book. Who knows? One thing I do know is that just sitting down and pouring out words on paper seems to be the easy part but there is much more involved. There is a science and a business behind every book you see for sale at Barnes & Nobel. I also know there are a lot of failures and what originally sounded like a good idea ends up at Goodwill selling for 25 cents. Writing, whether a book or a blog presupposes the idea that you have something interesting or worthwhile to say. But, if you have read any amount of blogs or self published books you find anything but that. It also is a little egotistical in that you feel like what you are writing is important...witty...relevant...or any other description you can add. You want people to read your words and have some sort of reaction. You want to be validated as as a writer and seek some type of approval from your readers. It's like the basic premise of most social media...you want readers...followers...an audience. It is rewarding as a writer of anything to know that your words...no matter how constructed...can affect those reading them. I am pretty sure it is safe to say that my writing lacks a degree of sophistication and style aimed at eliciting a specific response from readers. I think my thoughts are pretty raw...free flowing...and rambling at times but are always written from the heart. There is a feel when this happens because the writing takes a very conversational tone in my head and I think that makes it to the paper. I guess if I do actually have a goal when I write it is to just hear me speaking to you as you read. That actually is a pretty funny mental image as probably most of you don't know me or how I sound. So, use your imagination. I find the very act of creating something written just as satisfying as if I completed a painting. Both are really a visual exercise to me as I see the random thoughts and words coming together to complete a picture. I really laugh sometimes when my wife and I visit museums or art galleries and I look at some modern abstract art. I always say the same thing...”Heck, I could do that”. But, could I ? Probably not...I may come close but I can assure you that my artistic skills would very much pale in comparison. I think there is this inner creative urge in all of us and this can take many paths of expression. Writing is no different. Some people write fiction...poetry...news stories...plays. I think you get the point. There is an outlet available for us all to achieve our highest degree of artistic expression. I have a really good friend who is a writer and a gifted creative thinker. In addition to books and other writing projects he writes a blog of his thoughts on a variety of things. On one of his recent blogs, I was particularly struck and moved deeply by something he wrote. He said, “As a creator, you are a teacher, a role model, you are setting the moral compass of every person who interacts with your work”. that's just a little pressure..."setting the moral compass of every person that interacts with your work"...that's a really big statement. I guess that is what I hope to do sometimes but it seems a little too self assured for someone like me...I infrequently get a comment or two on my blog about things I say...or how I say them...certain things seem to resonate with certain people. I think those people are those who have been through some stuff...are going through some stuff...had some heartbreak. There is a relationship and a connection on a deeper level. I feel sometimes like I write naked...no, not literally...I just put it out there in a raw unpolished way. That is pretty scary sometimes as the thought occurs to me that maybe I am sharing too much in a too personal way. Then I become more analytical than I way to be and edit too much. I then become obsessed with crafting the process too much and for me it loses something in that process. I think the spontaneity and unpredictability is what works best for me. No matter if I ever become a published writer or not...that's one thing I hope never does change...something tells me it won't.

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.                                                                                                                     ~e.e. cummings

ancora imparando...

I saw these words inscribed somewhere lately and I simply cannot remember where. I walked around with this saying, for weeks, popping into my consciousness at some of the most random moments. That was a sign to me that this had some really strong connection or was something important but I just couldn't connect the dots. I assumed that the language was probably Latin or Italian and attempted to translate. Latin...no, Italian...yes. The meaning was...”still learning”. I thought about this even more now that I knew what it said. I realized how crazy this is as it is both a question and a statement at the same time. Still learning? Having a medical background I really have come to the conclusion...you learn or you die. In Hosea 6:6 it says, ”My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children." Sometimes I feel like I get stuck in a place mentally, physically or spiritually. This period of being stuck can last varying lengths of time and it always feels long even when it isn't. That is because I hate to sit still and have a whole lot of difficulty focusing on one task at a time. My wife says I'm scattered. I am real good on the front end and getting something going but then...something happens. I lose my way...I veer off course. My usual plan, years ago, was to just give up and go on to something else. Abandonment...walk out...leave...quit. I finally think that I discovered in those times of fumbling and feeling inept that God just wanted me to just sit still. He wants me to sit in the mess for a little while...sometimes a long while. Sort of like Job...He wants me to see, hear, smell and taste this. He really does want me to suffer...as crazy ad that sounds. I am absolutely convinced that in the depth of my failure and misery He is trying to teach me something. I honestly can say that sitting in the middle of a big self made mess is pretty uncomfortable. We want to run...place blame...It took me a long time to see that this is how we learn the hard stuff. God wants us to be fully present...not focused on escape. He wants us to experience this fully with all of our senses. I repeat...He is trying to teach us something very profound and life changing here...so He holds us in place. It's like He is giving us a challenge test to see if we get to graduate to the next level. If we pass...we go on. If we don't...we get stuck and have to go through the spin cycle again. We are forever...ancora imparando...It seems like I have always had this amazing knack for doing practically everything the hardest and most difficult way possible. I just had this idea that things that weren't that important to me were meant to be rushed through. In that rushing through there was not much thought of others or discovery of any lessons I was supposed to be learning along the way. I bluffed a lot...shot from the hip...believed in luck and fate alone. I blew it...more than once. How I survived sometimes is a total mystery...but not really. I know God had a plan...a life long plan that despite my best efforts, could not be thwarted. So, I struggled with getting stuck until I figured it out and then we moved on. The learning doesn't ever stop nor does it respect any desire you may have for it to. God is showing us stuff all the time in many different ways. Sometimes He can be very subtle and with a nudge here or somewhere else he calls class into session. Sometimes, the lesson may be very critical...life saving perhaps. That is when things can get very interesting and God uses extreme measures to get our attention. Like Jonah in the belly of a whale...a burning bush...manna from Heaven. With these types of things you know that the lesson is on the way and is soon to follow...just be ready. Be open to the possibility that you don't know it all. What we do know is so infinitesimally small...it's impossible to compare to what God has available to teach you. I know that as much as I have learned about God and my relationship with Him in the last fifteen years...I am so far away from even being close to knowing much of anything. But,.there is one thing I do know...for an absolute certainty and that is....I am...ancora imparando...

Oh Yes 

there are worse things than

being alone

but it often takes decades

to realize this

and most often

when you do

it's too late

and there's nothing worse

than

too late.

 

Charles Bukowski 

I expected better than this...

I don't know if you have a Whole Foods grocery market near where you live or not...but I don't. However, every Saturday morning my wife and I drive up to the big city for Spanish class. There is a Whole Foods near our class so we stop in for a little shopping sometimes when we pass by. One of the things they offer at the store is a hot and cold food bar with a variety of items to eat in or take home and that area is ALWAYS very busy,,,especially on a Saturday. So, nosy me wanted to see what the buzz was all about so we decided to have lunch... at the grocery. Two words...bad idea. Apparently the people who shop here and think that this food is something to get jostled around for are either crazy, really hungry or desperate to make the local quasi hipster scene. Seriously, I was surprised at how bad the food was. To steal a local cliche...”I shaved my legs for this?” really fit here. The food was way undercooked and essentially flavorless. I think my wife summed it up best when she said, “ I expected better than this...”. Yeah, me too...So, I started thinking about how our expectations can ruin things. Expectations are a funny thing. They are a mechanism of control in the purest form. We , in effect, are trying to predict and influence an outcome by merely what we think. WOW...is that ever mind control...or what? We set up an expectation of something, someone or anything and when it doesn't match up we are disappointed. It seems this happens to us so many times and in immeasurable ways. I know that I have been guilty of it a lot...but I think I am getting better as I get older. The problem is that we most frequently expect the unlikely or the unobtainable...we set the bar high. I mean really...how good could food... not freshly prepared sitting in pans on a steam table...in a grocery store....really be. Our expectations are so high we never leave even the slightest room to be pleasantly surprised. We, in effect anticipate the unrealistic...a lot. I think it is helpful to recognize that an expectation is both a creative and personal thing and thus we all may have very different expectations of the exact same thing. Any given expectation is based on our imagination and experience. So, many of us are doomed with unrealistic expectations about most everything based on those two facts alone. So back to my lunch at the grocery. As bad as I personally thought it was, apparently many others had a much lower expectation than myself. I am sure someone living in dire poverty would have thought it a supreme feast. Great...so now I feel like a jerk to complain and feel entitled enough to even eat there. So, I thought how these same failed expectations can disillusion me as a Christian. We set God up in so many different ways. We often times treat God in the same manner as many of our earthly relationships in that we set them up to fail. We have to realize that since these expectations are a product of our making we personally need to accept responsibility for their success or failure. However, this is rarely the fact as we place blame and put our sometimes blatant disappointment on others. We listen to incessant negative self talk in our heads. How arrogant and self serving of us to question God in some perceived failure of Him to meet OUR expectations. As ridiculous as it sounds that is exactly what we do...a lot. I am thinking of a classic example...I thought God would heal me. You cannot have any kind of expectation of what God will do without strong faith in His ability to accomplish the task at hand. You ask to be healed but yet your ever so tiny amount of doubt and lack of true belief in miracles stands in the way. It would appear once again that with these types of expectations we are right smack back to that control issue. My expectation is that it will happen in this way and in this time frame. Maybe it will...maybe it won't. We love to impose our requirements onto Gods will and timing. If it doesn't go the way you expect then it interferes with your faith and relationship with God. What happens when people don't get healed and they die....what happens when a loved one gets taken very unexpectedly? We say the same thing...well, I never expected things to go like this. Do you think God did? Of course, He did but that is not very comforting in our time of grief. I thought it would go like this...my expectation was...life was gonna be easier if I became a Christian...Really? That was your expectation? Do we really expect that we will always get our way because that is what we honestly expect God will do? Really? Yeah, we do. And what happens when we don't ? We pout...we place blame...we may even withdraw and become depressed. There are many reactions but we generally don't analyze any root cause for these failures but mostly because we don't want to see our hand in them. I have been a disappointment to my children and they to me because of expectations. I have hurt and disappointed people that I have loved because I just couldn't measure up sometimes. I still don't measure up sometimes and fall short of an expectation someone has placed on me based on the little they know about me. I hate that. I hate to be a disappointment based on some unknown standard that I am held up to. I really don't know the answer or the way around that one...I wish I did. Perhaps it's simply just getting to know me better...seeing my weaknesses...my abilities...my heart. I am just as guilty of this as anyone else but as I said earlier I think I am getting better about not holding the bar so high. I really just am trying mostly to concentrate on the expectations that God has for me...”To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God”. That's all...no more...no less...and if doing that... then you're meeting some big expectations and I doubt if you would ever hear...”I expected better than this...”

thoughts while fasting...

A couple of days ago, I ended a thirty day fast...yes, thirty days. Not only no food for thirty days but no TV, no daily Twitter, no Facebook and no background noise like radio. I have tried to be as intentional with silence and quiet as I could. It really is one of those things I have a problem with most of the time when I am home alone. I tried to be as productive as I could during this fast by writing...a lot...reading much, listening to podcast, studying Spanish, praying...a lot, and just being still and listening. All of those not necessarily in that order. Here is a list of the top ten things I have gleaned during this time...


1.We really do eat a lot of preservatives and chemicals and way too much processed foods. Some of the stuff we eat is really shocking when you read labels...that's why we don't. We eat way too much sugar. In fact, we eat way too much of everything...period. Many reasons for this but too lengthy to get into here. We really need to get back to eating “REAL” food...the other is killing us and making us really fat and sick.

2.Television is purely an object dedicated to and designed for mind control.... even if not turned on. We are convinced by clever marketing we are total neanderthals if we do not have a “big flat screen” hanging on the wall. I feel the tug when I look at the Best Buy ad in the Sunday paper. There isn't much that's soul stirring and benefic for anyone who understands the mind numbing effects of what is the supposed cool thing to watch. It's a marketing tool...that's all

3.I think the so called terrorist that continually plaque our national psyche are generally not too bright. The US government and most media loves to stir us up by constant fear mongering. Their agenda is becoming more obvious. I think the threat of what harm they can do is vastly overstated. I think there is more to be feared from another “Katrina” type storm hitting the US. We have become accustomed to living in a perpetual state of fear...we are easier to control that way...I guess

4.God is omniscient. I mean every single little thing...He knows. The how and why? That's the mystery part... that there are some things we will just never know...no matter how much we ask and seek an answer. We sometimes demand answers from God...He feels no urgency to answer despite our impatience and arrogance.

5.God is omnipotent. Whatever He wants to do...for whatever purpose...whether we like it or not...He is able. No matter how big...no matter how small...things pose no challenge for His ability. He cannot and will not do anything contrary to His nature...I repeat...

6.God is omnipresent. This is the one that really blows the mind...the vastness...the hugeness...the sheer largess. Immeasurable. Just the idea of being...everywhere...anywhere...all the time. That should be enough to give us comfort...but usually doesn't. What we see and know of God is a mere speck. If that doesn't make you want to know more...then something is wrong...

7.There are really a LOT of people that are generally selfish, preoccupied, rude, arrogant and live lives feeling entitled. They do not acknowledge nor understand the source of their good life. There are many who like to talk and act with compassion but only when it benefits them. Note: not throwing stones here...I am just as guilty.

8.I am broken and sick with a multitude of illnesses...prejudice, intolerance, fear, etc. I am no different than the leper that Jesus healed...we all are. That's not easy to say. We like to wear mask to hide the same disfigurements that the leper suffered from. Trust me...they are there. We need a healing touch from Jesus...no matter how “OK” you think you might be.

9.We need others and living in community is essential to our survival. Isolation is very dangerous. It is both sad and amazing how many people live alone without the benefit of significant human interaction. We don't know our neighbors...or even want to. We are afraid to reach out...take a chance...touch someones life in a powerful way. We are changed by living in community irrespective of its' composition.

10.Finally, stillness and quiet is ok. Most people find it very difficult...if not impossible. We are assaulted daily by a barrage of stimuli and it is very tiring and detrimental to our health. Even in a conversation we are uncomfortable with the pauses and fill them with idle chatter. Some people just refuse to be quiet. But, honestly, it's ok...because He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” ...and He will.

Was that worth thirty days of not eating, twittering, or watching Fox news/CNN all day? Yes...without a doubt... and with no reservations I will plan on doing it again. It's good to stand back...take a breath...and look at all the things that in one way or another are slowly trying to kill you. It is good to reconfigure your journey and the story you are writing with your life...it's called editing,,,and it's necessary and valuable. I think that a little rewriting or some extra film on the cutting room floor actually isn't such a bad thing for any of us. It redefines and sharpens our senses. We can see our dreams better and we can hear the voice of God speaking more clearly without endless distractions...and that's not a bad trade.

poetry for a cold and snowy thursday...

Be Kind

we are always asked
to understand the other person's
viewpoint
no matter how
out-dated
foolish or
obnoxious.

one is asked
to view
their total error
their life-waste
with
kindliness,
especially if they are
aged.

but age is the total of
our doing.
they have aged
badly
because they have
lived
out of focus,
they have refused to
see.

not their fault?

whose fault?
mine?

I am asked to hide
my viewpoint
from them
for fear of their
fear.

age is no crime

but the shame
of a deliberately
wasted
life

among so many
deliberately
wasted
lives

is.

Charles Bukowski

shadow and light and ...Groundhogs?

Alas! must it ever be so?

Do we stand in our own light, wherever we go,

And fight our own shadows forever?

~Edward Robert Bulwer Lytton

 

Today is Groundhog's Day. It just serves to prove that we can pretty much have a holiday for about anything...and we do. So, if it is cloudy and overcast and this big fat cousin to a rat sees no shadow...then spring is imminent. However, if the groundhog sees his shadow...back underground he goes and six more weeks of winter is in store. So I got to thinking about darkness and light and shadows as being harbingers of things to come, whether good or bad. It seems to be a funny paradox really, as you would think if sunny you would be overjoyed and encouraged and want to stay out of a dank cold hole in the ground. Another meaning of Groundhog Day has been popularized by the Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day where he endlessly relived the day...over and over again in order to glean some spiritual truths and change into a better person. We can find ourselves in the same predicament and suffer our own version of a groundhog day and it can last for a long time. God is always trying to show us some stuff about Himself in relation to us and is trying to teach us these same truths. Does it ever seem to you sometimes that you are doing the same things over and over again... often times with the same results? It has been suggested that the definition of insanity is repeating your same behavior endlessly and expecting a different result. Thankfully, God is very patient with us and allows to find our way out of the maze...most of the time. Unfortunately it just takes some of us a really long time and we give up in frustration. The amazing thing is that no matter how difficult the challenge or how long and winding the road...He is always there...patiently waiting on us. The other reason today is very special is because, in historical Christian tradition, this is the day that Jesus was presented at the temple to perform the redemption of the firstborn and the ritual purification of His mother, Mary. This was a very significant occasion as there was an ancient prophecy that was fulfilled on that day. When Joseph and Mary entered the temple with their son, Jesus, they met a man named Simeon who received the baby Jesus and prayed a prayer called the Nunc Dimittis,

 

Nunc dimittis servum tuum, Domine, secundum verbum tuum in pace:

Quia viderunt oculi mei salutare tuum

Quod parasti ante faciem omnium populorum:

Lumen ad revelationem gentium, et gloriam plebis tuae Israel.

This is translated as,

Now Thou dost dismiss Thy servant, O Lord, according to Thy word in peace;

Because my eyes have seen Thy salvation,

Which Thou hast prepared before the face of all peoples:

A light to the revelation of the Gentiles, and the glory of Thy people Israel.

So, essentially Simeon is saying here is that not only has a prophecy given to him been fulfilled but here is a light...a glorious light that represents salvation for the world. Simeon saw and recognized this light the minute he laid his eyes on Jesus. I just think of the lyrics of the great praise and worship song Marvelous Light, “Into marvelous light I'm running, Out of darkness, out of shame. By the cross you are the truth, You are the life, you are the way...” So, back to our groundhog friend. The thing that really confuses me with Groundhog Day is the idea of running back into darkness from the light. It just seems counter intuitive. Jesus is the Light of the world. All things that surround Him become shadows in His light. When we step into that light something happens...things in us...never before seen,,,become exposed. Sometimes pretty...sometimes not...but always surprising. In representing visual art, shadows adds complexity, depth and dimension. Without this critical element a picture or painting would look flat...lifeless...dull...even boring. But when it is added a subject stands out, a scene becomes lifelike, and a landscape is made more dramatic often times affecting us in a very profound way. As a whole, the entire work of art becomes alive, beauteous and meaningful. Living a lifestyle of worship turns all our anxieties and troubles into cast shadows in His perfect light, making God the central focus. Every time we worship even in our times of extreme difficulty, a shadow is added to this big painting on this canvas of our life. As a result of this, we are given an enhanced view of the divine picture - it becomes three-dimensional. A clearer view of His good, pleasing, and perfect will for us emerges, with God standing out plainly as the main subject. I know that this is probably a very complicated take on a dirty, smelly and scared of his shadow rodent coming out of a hole in the ground...checking the weather...and giving us hope... or dashing it. Has it really come to this? Do we hang our hopes for the renewal that spring brings on a groundhog? Really? If it's all the same to you, I think I'll just celebrate Nunc Dimittis...