thoughts on going home...

Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever.  ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

I sat somewhere that became holy yesterday...I sat at someones bedside where I work and watched them die. I slowly watched the end of ninety two years of a hard life all come down to one last easy shallow breath. Air goes in...air goes out...the end. Just like that the mortal time that we count in so many different ways on the earth comes to a stop. Like a billowy snow white cloud on a summer day...it passes over our heads...floats out of view and is gone. That God would allow me to sit and be present during this crossing over from the finite to the eternal is humbling. The achingly bare intimacy of someones final moments is soul stirring. In a blink of our eye...life is gone. The mother...the grandmother...the friend...everything one was in their life becomes more important now. What is becomes what was and we remember. The daughter sits resolute and utterly determined to stare death in the face and not flinch...but she does and the tears tumble onto her mothers pale frail hand which she grips tightly. We desperately hold on...unable to let go...unable to say the first of a series of goodbyes. The release is the hardest part. The reality and the finality of the release is almost too much to bear. I suddenly remembered when my own mother died and in an unexpected moment happening right now...it all felt the same. My throat is tight...my breathing becomes tense...I bite my lip...hard. I look away but I am losing this battle. I say a prayer to distract myself and keep it together and remain professional. I know that love loosens our grip...when we really love we can let go of the tight hold that keeps us bound in the earthly realm. I stand and lay my hand on the ever cooling cheek...say another prayer. I study the face in the most minute detail...as if looking at a painting by Van Gogh...Renoir...or another great artist of long ago. I wondered if all the worry and pain and suffering...heartbreak...and disappointment etched those amazing lines into her face. Time stood still for just a minute. I imagined the joy of knowing in that final lucid moment that soon...very soon...I will be on my way to heaven to meet my Father...I am reminded of the hymn that they sing here practically every Sunday...” When we all get to heaven, What a day of rejoicing that will be! When we all see Jesus, We’ll sing and shout the victory!” It will indeed be rejoicing when this lady gets home. No matter how many times I witness this mystery of death it never gets any easier. The questions are always the same, There are no easy answers, There is very little I can say that makes sense in the face of such personal and seemingly unbearable loss. Any word feels inadequate right now...just silence is enough. In that silence comes an eventual understanding that it's ok to let go and I am only holding on out of fear and selfishness. There is a feeling of being left alone no matter how old we are...it's a primal fear. We know that the reality is we are never alone and that God is always near to us and the feeling of being alone is just an illusion. The other reality is that once we have died we are just an empty shell much like the empty shells of cicadas that get left behind. The deceased becomes representational of a different time of our lives and we are flooded with memories of every sort. Those memories keep us alive in essence once our physical bodies have failed and gone. It is always bittersweet for me to share these most intimate moments with families. I am always glad that someone was here holding the hand...wiping the tears...as many time there is not. Many times people die alone...fade into oblivion...and all that their life was goes unrecognized in that moment. To me...that's sad...even tragic...not to be remembered and loved...in our death. It is as if another brilliant star has fallen from the sky and nobody saw it...

be careful where you step...

There probably isn't a more effective piece of real estate in the arena of war than a minefield. Just as on the tragic battlefields that opponents engage each other...followers of Christ are...and have been...fighting a similar battle. Land mines are a particularly effective and destructive weapon for several reasons. Primarily, because they are buried and out of plain sight in an area that is usually traveled by foot or vehicle...a common pathway. The land mines are detonated by weight placed on top of them and do not discriminate in the severe damage inflicted on unsuspecting victims. Additionally, most land mines are intended to maim or injure and not necessarily outright kill...although many may die from result of those injuries. As a follower of Christ we live in a world that is a virtual minefield in so many respects. There are unknown dangers awaiting...sometimes out of sight and sometimes not...wanting to just blow us up. We have to be so careful and mindful of where we are walking at all times. The internet is a minefield and in the war for control of our minds there is no more a destructive virtual landmine than pornography. It is the proverbial elephant in the room that as Christians we find particularly difficult to talk about. It poisons, corrodes, and eventually destroys everything it touches. It is pervasive in our culture from the most subtle nuances in advertising to the blatant glorification of porn stars in mainstream media. It drives the multi billion dollar sex trafficking business. It is another example of how the edge of what we will accept is being pushed out farther and farther all of the time. One might ask...:”How has this happened?” Easy answer...we have allowed...encouraged...and welcomed it into our everyday life. The media certainly bears a lot of the blame as they know that sex sells...very well. The internet has caused an exponential explosion of porn. Consider these facts...

89% of porn is created in the U.S.
$2.84 billion in revenue was generated from U.S. porn sites in 2006
$89/second is spent on porn
72% of porn viewers are men
260 new porn sites go online daily

Are you shocked at that? I am not really because I am a guy and realize that porn is constantly marketed to me both indirectly and sometimes very specifically. Sadly, most men are fools and we lose our ability to reject what is a clear plan to destroy us with our sometimes willing help. I challenge anyone to say that porn is not both a highly addictive and an ever escalating habit. As with any other addiction there is no final end point nor is just a little porn ever enough. It creates within us a ravenous appetite and that demand drives all aspects of the industry. The mavens of this business know this one fact and are more than willing to supply an endless array of goods and services from mild to wild. I am always fascinated when I hear from someone that they are involved in porn but it isn't really hurting anyone. Really? What a lie from hell that is...Porn hurts everyone. I repeat...If it was something you could control and you aren't hurting anyone...why does it have to be done primarily alone...in isolation...and in secret? I am not going to lie here...yeah, I have looked at it many years ago...a lot. I know that it is not conducive to a healthy marriage nor is it complete unto itself. One of the biggest problems I see is it sets up in ones mind a false paradigm that becomes a self fulfilling prophecy creating the inability to maintain intimacy in a relationship. If you cannot maintain intimacy with a spouse...you certainly cannot maintain it with God. The deception one has to live under when addicted to porn spills over into all other areas of your life...no matter how clever you think you might be. Everything you say and do becomes suspect when you are living a lie this big. Eventually...much to everyone's shock and dismay...it all comes crashing down on you. Yeah...you step on a landmine...everything gets blown up...you get hurt and so do others. Then come the questions...the endless...the mostly unanswerable questions. We ask ourselves questions...its a time of shock and denial. “How did I get here?” is probably a common question. We got here because we foolishly believed a series of lies solely designed to accomplish the specific purpose of destroying our soul. The end point is being forever separated from God and spending an eternity in the depths of hell. The sad fact is there are a lot of people impacted by this selfishness...people that love and care about us. The even sadder fact is that unless you care for yourself in a healthy and loving way it really doesn't matter how much they care. Yeah...it's horrible and tragic to watch someone step on that landmine...especially if you have done it yourself. We have this sick fascination with watching disasters...car wrecks...and other human failures. However...there is no joy for anyone watching someone getting ready to step out onto the minefield...we wince with each step...

yeah...I'm an addict

Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw the signs I performed but because you ate the loaves and had your fill. Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.” Then they asked him, “What must we do to do the works God requires?” Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.” John 6: 26-29


It is oh so easy for us to look out from our lofty perches sometimes and see a thing...a defect...a shortcoming...a sin... in someone else that we are blinded to in ourselves. Some perhaps would call it judging others...I would simply call it misjudging ourselves. I find it incredibly both arrogant and naive that we could point an accusing finger at someone and not realize that but for the grace of God we are spared so much misery. I am thinking specifically about our tremendously addicted culture that we live in and how we ourselves become enablers and users. We are constantly comparing and judging ourselves against others in nomenclature and scale of addictions. By doing that we can rationalize our behavior and assign a degree of what is acceptable and what is not. That's how we can say that drinking 5-6 cups of coffee and 3-4 energy drinks is ok...but shooting heroin is bad...really bad. Or even...looking at a little porn...Is there even such a thing as a “little" porn? It is so easy for us to normalize our many addictions as we have incorporated them into the fabric of our daily lives. We often say...” well, this isn't really hurting anyone”...Really? The reality is we have given our biggest addiction that most of us suffer from an entirely different name so that it doesn't sound too bad...it's called consumerism and consumption. We are addicted to stuff...getting stuff...buying stuff..holding on to stuff. We are all about stuff...Jesus addresses that here in this passage from the gospel of John. When the disciples and the people came looking for Jesus he told them they in essence came looking for what Jesus could give them. They weren't seeking more signs...they were looking for freebies and something to fill their stomachs again. They were looking for stuff...We are no different. We often times approach Jesus in prayer seeking a thing as opposed to seeking His presence. Even when we get that one desired thing it just never seems to be enough as the endless hunger of addictions continues to ravage our lives. We are always looking...for the next best thing...the newest thing...the coolest thing... thinking this will ease this gnawing craving we feel in the depths of our soul. We chase after stuff with the idea that it will satisfy us once and for all. It won't...it's a mirage. It's a clever and cruel trick of Satan. It is only a very temporary fix...no different than the handful of pills we take to self medicate and numb our psychic pain. It has been described by many as a “hole in the heart” and we...sadly...believe we can fill that hole with stuff. So...we chase the dream with wild abandon and constantly work to get stuff and amass dubious treasure while here on earth. In Matthew 6: 19-21 it says,

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

The fact is that pursuing that false hope of riches comes at a great cost to us both individually and as a culture. Jesus reminds us in the passage from John to not to work for food that spoils...that perishes. He is trying to tell us that the sense of fullness and satisfaction we desperately seek is not found anywhere or in anything outside of Him. He is trying to tell us that this easily spoiled food makes us sick...addicted. The cost of chasing and living this so called American dream is entirely charged to us and what we can do in our power and with self reliance. On the other hand...the cost of pursuing a life of following Christ is solely charged to Him and He paid the price for us on the cross. How refreshing and stress relieving it is to know that I can be freed from the grips of an addiction that only seeks to destroy me and everything I touch. Entangled within the snare of a works based system of belief...it slowly becomes apparent that there is never enough I can do or be to measure up to the unrealistic expectation in my mind of who I should be and what I should have. We are unwitting pawns in a cruel game that we will never be able to win. The good news...there is a solution. As Jesus said in the passage from John...the only work we need to be concerned with is the one that God requires...and that is simply to believe in the one He has sent...that's where the freedom from this addiction begins...there is this amazing light at the end of the tunnel... and as the song says...” Into marvelous light I'm running, out of darkness...out of shame...”

what are YOU giving up for Lent?

We have entered into the Lenten season. There is no time that is more soul searching for a follower of Jesus than this next 40 days. The conversation is often initiated by the standard...”what are you giving up for Lent?”. I didn't grow up in a churched family nor did I have many, if any, Catholic friends to clue me in on the giving up season. At my house things were more focused on Easter eggs, chocolate “hollow” rabbits and ham for Easter dinner. Oh yeah, dressing up on Easter and getting the requisite pics of a dorky kid with a Easter basket. It wasn't until very many years later I learned about everything that happened historically during the time of Jesus and events leading up to His death, burial and resurrection. I will have to say I got it in little bits and pieces and slowly processed the entire picture. I, however still didn't get the whole Lent thing until I became an adult and every year I gain some new insight. This year will be no different I am sure... Last year I went to see this tremendously theatrical production of a very compressed version of these 40 days at a local church renown for this pageant. It was extremely well done and very emotionally charged and provocative. I actually felt disgust for the Roman soldiers as they arrogantly walked by in front of me. They were TOTALLY in character. In 2004 the movie The Passion of the Christ came out and I have to admit I did not see it until about 2007. I found it to be practically unbearable to watch the first time I saw it. Yeah...of course...I cried...a lot. I remember being on a mission trip in the Dominican Republic with Victory Christian Center in 2008 and they showed a scene from The Passion on a giant screen on stage during a nightly evangelical crusade. I looked around and the people were completely spellbound. No one moved...no one spoke...all eyes were on the screen. At the end of the scene more people than I could count were weeping and praising Jesus...powerful. I can only imagine if they could see the entire film. I get the concept of giving something up for lent...or fasting...making a sacrifice...refocusing attention on Jesus...40 Days of Water. As I always fast completely for a lengthy period at the beginning of the year...no food...no TV...it seems a little anti climatic to fast 6 days a week...take a break Sundays and resume for 40 days. It just all seems so contrived and legalistic with lots of rules and regulations and different interpretations of what is the right way and a lot of focus on self. I don't think that is really what is intended when we fast and pray. In Matthew 6: 16-18, it says,

“When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

Observing the season of Lent is a way that we can place ourselves before God humbled and broken bringing nothing of our own doing enabling ourselves the ability to purchase our salvation. It is a way for us individually to confess our total inadequacy and dependency on a sovereign and all providing God and to strip away all pretenses of debilitating prideful righteousness. It is a way to empty ourselves of our foolish false pride, of our rationalizing and blindness that prevent us from seeing ourselves as needy creatures, of our perfectionist tendencies that cause unmet expectations that weakens our faith. So...let's see...what could I possibly give up for Lent. Chocolate...uh...no. TV...don't watch enough to be sacrificial. Perhaps we all should dig a little deeper into what really is taking time away from Jesus...what is keeping your prayers short and generic?...what is keeping you from reading the Bible?...what is competing against your relationship with Jesus? I promise that there is something... I know there is for me. There always is something...I have a very hard time with focus and being single minded about something. That's a lot of the reason why I fast every year at the beginning of the year...it sets the tone for the year. It's like any kind of training you would do for an upcoming sporting event...What Jesus requires is no different. He wants singlemindness and dedication to purpose. The season of Lent is all about penitence and reflection and forgiveness of self and others. Being mindful of our sins and shortcomings and trying to listen to what God is speaking to us...trying to teach us. So, as you can see there is much we can give up and there is much work to be done to facilitate healing. So...yeah...I have plenty of stuff that I can give up besides peanut M & Ms and vanilla cokes and mediocre TV... I can give up my cleverly disguised pride and creeping...at times...unbelief that God really hears me when I whisper... help me...I can give up my need to fail sometimes...when others are praying so hard for me to succeed. I can give up my penchant to judge others...even if in the tiniest seemingly insignificant ways. I guess that's enough to keep me busy for 40 days...thankfully I get Sundays off...

thoughts on the gospel...part 3

I must confess that until the last few years I wasn't even aware of the term...social justice. I am pretty sure that I knew a lot about all the stuff it assumes to represent...I just didn't bandy it about in casual conversation. I became well acquainted with the term and use of it during some recent involvement with a human rights organization. I must also confess...while I'm in a confessing mood...that I frequently used this term in relation to being a follower of Jesus and sometimes without a real understanding of that relationship. There is a vast array of social justice issues and they wax and wane in popularity based on who the most vociferous celebrity spokesperson is supporting their pet cause. The problem for me and the danger I see is that chasing and promoting these various causes has become another mutation of the gospel. Everyone has a different idea of exactly what the pressing issues are in the realm of social justice and very busily are trying to incorporate them into the framework of the gospel. They are wrapped within that framework and brought into the mainstream in their churches. There is no doubt about the fact that Jesus was very concerned and filled with compassion over the plight of the oppressed and disenfranchised. Jesus clearly had a special sense of mission to poor and oppressed people. When Jesus boldly announced the beginning of his ministry on the earth, sometimes commonly known as Jesus' mission statement, He stood up in the synagogue at Nazareth and read these words from the prophet Isaiah:

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." Luke 4:18-19

As Andrew Beckner, in his blog, A Candid Christian says, “Fighting social injustice without incorporating Jesus into the mix doesn't mean anything to the one ministering or to the one being ministered to. That's because the minister isn't able to reconcile himself to God through works, and the one being ministered to cannot hope to find reconciliation to God through someone other than Jesus.” I think this sums up the difficulty of the so called gospel of social justice... it is a fairly difficult idea to be accepted by the average church-goer. People sometimes see a thinly veiled attempt to marry a social cause and the gospel together in order to advance an agenda and are suspicious of that. If people are suspicious then it is very difficult to get them to even hear the message or participate. Unfortunately sometimes the actual gospel and Jesus gets squeezed out to make room for the facts and figures and the call to action. If you do not include Jesus two other significant problems arise. First, you rob yourself of the true source of your power to effect change within the culture as a whole and address specific social issues. You completely discount the Holy Spirit as the main factor in creating the possibility of change...redemption...and restoration. There comes a great urge to try to do this thing that needs to be done in our own power. Of course, we all know the danger of that...God doesn't get the glory and we become less dependent on God to take care of things without us helping Him and trying to control and manipulate things. He really hates that...It is so easy for us to get the cart in front of the horse...we mess stuff up when we try to limit Gods power and ability and only allow Him to operate within a narrow range that our often small faith and vision permits. I know that sounds crazy but that is what we do...a lot. We get into a very dangerous place where we are operating on a works alone system of belief. God is able to do anything and everything and so much more than we could possible imagine. We just need to take Him out of the box or let Him off the leash that we walk Him around on. It is absolutely imperative that the message of the true gospel be kept in the forefront and that any cause we seek to advocate for or dedicate ourselves to... we must understand that it is an adjunct only. The other problem is that in our passion and fervor the social justice issues can become politicized and then if so several things happen and all are usually not so good for the causes or those who support them. With the politicization we draw lines...take sides...place labels...move apart...stereotype. However the bigger danger is that we slip into black and white thinking and develop a us or them mentality. It becomes divisive and not unifying for the body of Christ. One becomes judgmental if you do not see and agree with the point of whatever the cause is...that's one thing we certainly do not need more of in our churches. We see the world only in extremes...perfection versus chaos. Our expectations are never met as there is no perfection in social causes. There is only perfection in Jesus...and He set the bar very high. So...it is apparent to me that an easy solution to avoid extremism and division within the church is to ensure that the true gospel always comes first...it is the saving works of Jesus that unifies us...nothing we could possibly do on our own contributes anything toward that goal. I think is very simply a matter of the fact that we all really need to be reminded frequently that really there is neither a Pentecostal nor a Southern Baptist seated in heaven on the throne of God. I would be willing to guarantee that each and every one of us will have our argued over and fought for theologies corrected when we stand before Jesus. Therefore, we need to seek to work together to further the Kingdom of God and incorporate the social justice message that Jesus taught us as He served those who were oppressed and living in captivity. Jesus came to seek and save the lost but He also came to feed the hungry...give drink to the thirsty...restore sight to the blind. I think there is room for us all at the table and there certainly is enough need that we all can serve the least of these for a very long time. Really...isn't that what we are here for? As far as I am concerned social justice is simply doing the things to model Jesus for those who looking to see what He really looks like...Is the cause that you are advocating for...wearing the t shirt for...putting Jesus and the true gospel up front? If not... you just have another thing that looks and smells like every other world saving idea that has come and gone...because we all know that there is only one real sustainable... enduring...hope defining...life affirming answer...Jesus.