wreckage is coming...

I spontaneously burst into tears a couple of times today. For many of you that know me, that probably doesn’t surprise you…at all. I took that as a sign that I am not ready to go to Haiti. I am preparing, but I am not prepared for what I know is coming. I have had a false sense of feeling that I am going to be ok with this because of numerous trips I have gone on to the Dominican Republic. I feel like it is all about to crumble in on me. In fact, I know it is. I know that I am going to be challenged in a way unlike anything ever before. As much as I think I have been changed and wrecked and trivial things I given up, I still take a lot for granted. While I know that I am blessed beyond measure and try to be aware, grateful and understand every good gift that a father gives a son…I know that an even bigger wrecking is days away. Yeah, I am scared about that. I am reminded of the lyrics of my favorite Sara Groves song, I Saw What I Saw

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it
Something on the road, cut me to the soul
Your pain has changed me
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
(what I am made of)
and what I know of love
we've done what we've done and we can't erase it
we are what we are and it's more than enough
we have what we have but it's no substitution
Something on the road, touched my very soul
I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have and I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction
Something on the road, changed my world

I have called this thing that happen to us “getting wrecked for the ordinary”. It’s that feeling that sometimes happens when we travel so far out of ourselves and out of our comfort zones that we are forever changed at the core of our being. We enter the world of another and feel the weight of oppression and injustice that is an everyday part of the fabric of their lives. We try to love and serve well and filled with compassion we are changed...deeply and our soul is stirred and awakens. We come back home and everything is different. Things that once sustained our pursuit of the American dream become much less important and perhaps even meaningless. We have had our hearts broken by the very same things that breaks the heart of God. God has taken us and shown us something sacred...something breathtaking.  In that, we are challenged to respond and act in a very specific manner to that which we have been privileged to be a part of. As one of my friends has so succinctly stated…”your knowledge, requires action”.  I heard that several years ago and it is ringing so loud in my head sometimes I think surely others must hear it too. It is a clarion call for us all to answer in some manner or capacity. I think Sara Groves said it best when she sings, “Your pain has changed me, your dream inspires, your face a memory, your hope a fire, your courage asks me what I'm afraid of…”

Indeed…what are we afraid of?