calling bluffs and going all in...

Many years ago, while working as a traveling nurse, I lived in Las Vegas. I found it to be one of the most paradoxical places I have ever lived. In the midst of all the glitter and glam and incredible amounts of neon there was much literal and figurative darkness. I can assure you that being a resident there as opposed to being a tourist you have a whole different sensibility. There is abject homelessness and poverty in the face of what appeared to be extreme wealth. It could be quite deceptive though, as a lot of people liked to look like they were living large high rollers if only for a weekend and Vegas caters to that. There's an obvious difference between the “haves” and “have nots” and that drives a lot of crime there. It's a big tease... making one believe the big jackpot will come...eventually. I also loved to watch seemingly normal people come for a visit and and shortly lose their minds there in lots of different ways. It usually didn't take too long...a couple days of gambling...not eating right,,,not sleeping much...and constant sensory overload. I will admit that I frequented a few casinos from time to time and one of the things I really enjoyed was watching people gamble. It truly is one of the most mystifying and fascinating things in the world. I eventually discovered that there were amazing masters of gambling psychology who ran these casinos and we, the foolish and naive gambler, were at their mercy from the time we walked in the front door. If we only knew we never had a chance....well, maybe just a very slim one. Anyway, there was one type of gambler I particularly liked to watch...the amateur poker player. There was a very wide spectrum of amateur poker players...older grandmas and grandpas...college kids...women...girls...men...literally every description imaginable. They each had their own style and idiosyncrasies and quirks. These are what the pros study in detail when sending you away from their tables....humiliated and beaten. People are predictable and that is more that apparent when they get good cards. Let's just say the “poker face” is not a well developed tool with most casual infrequent players. My favorite thing, by far, is when someone goes “all in”. So, all in means you push in the entirety of your chips on the bet that you have what it takes to win the pot. So, I got to thinking about going all in... whether if gambling or just in our daily life. What really prompts this decision? I maintain it boils down to one simple idea...faith. Granted, that faith may be misplaced on a lot of different things. But, in order to act in most everything we do, it requires faith at the core of that decision. I had discovered quite a while back that faith was not passive nor a noun. I can say I have faith but, to me, that sounds nebulous and difficult to measure. Jesus talked a lot about faith and it almost always seemed to be tangible and linked with fear. As difficult as it may be to measure, Jesus was clear when He said, in Matthew 17:20, “He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

As small as a mustard seed...now THAT'S pretty small. That one fact should be a clue to us how powerful Christian faith actually is. However there is an even more critical element to the power of your faith and that is the action part. This is the place where it changes from noun to verb. It's one thing to believe something but unless tested the faith remains static, passive and does not strengthen and grow. Again, Jesus was very clear on this as well when He said, in James 2:14-17, “What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

So, back to our gambler...He may believe that he has the best possible chance to win...he may have (mis)placed faith in his cards, fate or whatever...but, unless he commits the physical act of pushing the chips in...nothing happens. Unfortunately, a lot of gamblers like many Christians like to hedge their bets...meaning hold a little back. What does that mean? Essentially lack of total faith. We live this way a lot because we let fear stand in the way of living a radical all in life. In a much earlier blog I wrote about when Jesus called John and James away from their nets and their family fishing business. What I wrote was,“ Jesus wasn't just talking about fishing nets here. What was shown to me is Jesus was speaking here in a figurative sense as He often did. He was telling Peter and Andrew, and all of us, to drop their "safety" nets not necessarily just their fishing nets. What is a safety net ? It is that thing that catches us when we fall.” We find comfort and security in our various nets. So, the dropping of those nets is the faith piece but is incomplete until we step out and follow. Sadly, many of us are hesitant...clutching desperately our pile of chips...afraid...tentative...weighing the consequences of a misstep...wondering if our safety net will catch us. We want to live in a one foot in and one foot out kind of way. I love the excitement that is generated at a poker table when someone, with a big pile of chips, decides to go all in. I remember sometimes watching...holding my breath...praying. Silly, huh? But, really...what if we could just let go for one time...go all in...push away the pile of everything we thought so important...and let Jesus catch us?  What if...

insufficiency...

I went to see a friend today...at a funeral home. Suddenly, tragically and unexpectedly someone I knew was gone. In a blink of an eye...things changed for her husband...her son...her family...and many who knew her. I really do dislike immensely going to see people at funeral homes...I can say with complete certainty that every one that I have gone to has been surreal. I guess I would say it started with looking at my father lying in repose, in his dress Army uniform, when I was thirteen. It really was an occasion that birthed more questions than answers and that hasn't changed. That's funny...I just realized I wrote...questions were “birthed” at a death. See what I mean? How weird is that? But, it's true. I have as many questions now as I did then except I know a lot more of the standard pat answers we give to thirteen year old boys. Oddly enough, that is the age of her son. What can I say to him that makes any sense? Nothing...nada...zero...zilch...absolutely nothing. There is no sense to be made out of a thirteen year old losing a mom or a dad, right? There comes a big tear in the fabric of our lives that has been woven over time. Some have described it as a “hole in their heart” or in many other descriptive but insufficient ways. Everything will change...everything will be different...everything you know about the world changes. This is going to hurt...a lot. You will lose some innocence...I am touched by the biting sting of death of a loved one and I have a sour taste in my mouth. Everything you are or hope to be will have the faint taste of this loss on it. How do you explain that to a thirteen year old boy? Nobody even tried to for me...I kind of wish they had...

heck yeah I'm hungry...

So, here I am on day 22 of a fast and I really am feeling ok even though some think I am completely insane. Al I can say in my defense is...that's ok. This is something I do...I believe in...I understand...and really, it's ok. I found this piece I wrote two years ago, about this same time along, during a similar fast. I think it's worth reposting now as I pretty much feel the same and perhaps you will understand...why it's ok.

I am thinking about hunger again. I know that seems to be a frequently visited topic in my blog posts, but… It really is something we need to think about more. I am not only thinking about physical hunger but I am specifically thinking about the deep hunger for God. Jesus spoke quite often about the hungry and hunger. In Luke 4:1-2 it says, “ Then Jesus, being filled with the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness, being tempted for forty days by the devil, And in those days He ate nothing, and afterwards, when they had ended, He was hungry.” And Satan being the ever clever liar was aware of that hunger and tried to get Jesus to turn a stone into bread. Imagine how hungry Jesus must have been after forty days? Some of us can barely last four hours. The devil knows that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach especially when really hungry. This was also apparent even in Old Testament days as Esau sold his birthright to his brother Jacob for some lentil stew. That was an expensive meal. However there is a tool that is available and often used to call our appetite into submission. It is a fast. Now I am not going into all the details and the whys and wherefores of fasting here. There are plenty of books written if you need to do a scholarly investigation on fasting. I will simply say it is a very powerful weapon when teamed with prayer to tap into the power of God to speak into your life. The enemy, Satan, wants you distracted and hungry for food and things of the world. When you fast and pray you focus sometimes very intensely on desiring what God wants and waiting to hear what that is. There is a long and extensive history of fasting in the bible and some amazing things have happened secondary to fasting and praying. Moses fasted and so did Jonah, Daniel, David and Elijah among others. Fasting takes you away from the world; it is a renewal of your spirit and a powerful form of worship. Fasting gives me an opportunity to change my diet. It is amazing when I am not attentive to what I eat that I gain weight and am still hungry. I am overfed as many of us are but lacking something in my diet. Fasting helps me to focus on Jesus, the one who can satisfy real hunger. The temporary hunger I feel is just that…temporary. It has to constantly be satisfied in a variety of ways. We struggle to appease this never filled feeling that affects everything in our lives, our jobs, our relationships and our sense of self worth. We become enmeshed in a tangled mess of lies and deception and live lives in the desperation of having to consume stuff to mollify our hunger. I have decided to tackle this issue and look at my own personal hunger. For all of us it is different. For many of us it is uncomfortable. It is not easy to face something which we hate to admit controls us and drives our every decision. But there is a reward to be had in doing this. In the bible in 2 Chronicles 7:14, it says, “ if My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and forgive their sin and heal their land.” Can you deny that we all need to repent and receive forgiveness? Can you deny the blatant truth that this land needs healing now more than ever before? Our hunger for the wrong things in this world has almost pushed us over the edge and for many it already has. It’s time. It really is time to stop the madness that pushes us to run in circles and never find peace. There is only one way. I think that it is clear what that way is. So, the question then becomes which you will choose. Are you hungry?? What will feed you this year? Or maybe we should ask…who will we feed??

Human trafficking...the Apocalypse...now

Every two minutes, while I am sitting here writing these words, a child is sold into sex slavery. Does that shock you ? Maybe not...But, here's the reality of this tragedy...it isn't stopping and by some estimates is worsening. If you just read the many reports and see the staggering numbers being tossed out it can be so overwhelming as to cause paralysis. One may think...there are so many...everywhere...what can I possibly do. I am reminded of the quote by Robert Kennedy:
“Few are willing to brave the disapproval of their fellows, the censure of the colleagues, the wrath of their society. Moral courage is a rarer commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence. Yet it is the one essential, vital quality for those who seek to change a world that yields most painfully to change. Each time a person stands up for an idea, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.”
The US State Department has estimated that between fifty to one hundred thousand women and children are being trafficked for the specific purpose of sex slavery. In addition there are more than twenty five thousand brought into the country from many other international locations for the same purpose. Granted the numbers are always in flux but each organization defends their number. For example, in 2001, the FBI estimated 700,000 women and children were trafficked worldwide, UNICEF estimated 1.75 million, and the International Organization on Migration (IOM) merely 400,000. In 2001, the UN drastically changed its own estimate of trafficked people in 2000 -- from 4,000,000 to 1,000,000. As many as 7,000 Nepali girls as young as 9 are sold annually into India's red-light districts, 200,000 in the last decade. Afghani women are sold into prostitution in Pakistan for around 600 rupees - less than $4 a pound, depending on their weight. About 50,000 Asian, Latin American and Eastern European women and children are trafficked into the United States for sexual exploitation, the going rate between $12,000 and $18,000 each.
No matter how debatable...these numbers...no matter how many...have faces. The sad fact is that we look at these numbers and still are not moved into compassionate action to support the rescue of these victims. Where is our righteous indignation? That same kind of anger and action shown when Jesus cleaned house... in His house, so to speak. Our anger wells up in us for a minute or maybe more when we read these endless stories of children being trafficked for sex and then we are on to the next thing. Where is that passion and anger at (barely) speakable sins and incredible injustice that makes us want to turn over some tables of our own? Just sitting here thinking about a twelve year old girl having to have sex with ten to twelve grown men a day makes my blood pressure go up and sickens my stomach. But it certainly will take more than that to move many of us into action. As with most social justice issues like poverty, homelessness, hunger, addictions and lack of access to education and medical care, it will not seem real until it's personal and up close. Unless these issues directly affect you or someone in your family...you have no clue. You are only guessing what it must be like at fourteen or fifteen years old to be beat daily by a pimp you call “daddy”. Or selling your daughter for a paltry sum to support an addiction...I mean really, just how bad does it have to get? I am sure there some who are on the front lines of this fight that could tell many stories...well...maybe not...maybe they can't get the words out anymore...Our tolerance for what we will accept for these children is way beyond what it should be. The things we condone by our apathy become, in effect, the things we agree to. What is right and moral and worth turning tables over for becomes hazier and less important the farther away we get from it. Even though there is a lot of talk and advocacy going on with this issue the action part seems to be very lacking. Last year, I discovered the term is called “slactivism.” As per WIKIPEDIA...”The word is usually considered a pejorative term that describes "feel-good" measures, in support of an issue or social cause, that have little or no practical effect other than to make the person doing it feel satisfaction. The acts tend to require minimal personal effort from the slacktivist.” I can assure that there will be some benefit but things as evil as child sex trafficking will not diminish by wearing a ribbon, a bumper sticker, or a rubber arm bracelet. No...there's gonna have to be more...there simply has to be courageous, determined and sustained action. But to do the action part we have to move in close and get our hands dirty and that's where we fall short.. What an entirely different kind of  ministry Jesus would have had if He was fearful of going into the dark and risky places and picking and choosing who would be the recipient of His grace that day. Can you just imagine for a minute how different peoples lives might have been. Can you imagine a wretched world without the glimmer of hope Jesus brings?We are called by Jesus to fully wade in and He empowers us with divine passion and the power of the Holy Spirit to go beyond what we might have thought possible to correct injustice. It's going to take a risky radical faith... a belief in the omnipotent God who is calling us to come out of the safe place where we live into the life where the previously thought impossible thing becomes normal. Without risk there is no faith...without faith there is no hope...without hope there is only death....faith is a verb.

waiting & warming the bench...redux

It always seems like there seasons in our lives when we are waiting...waiting to hear from God...waiting for the next adventure...waiting to write the next chapter of our story. Waiting is really hard for me. I feel fidgety and tense and have to resist this real desire to help God along on whatever He has planned next for my life. I thought I would repost a blog from a few years ago, written during a season of waiting. I'll just call this one a “Waiting and warming the bench...redux.”
So, I’m sitting on the bench …waiting…to be put into the game. I have trained hard for this moment and I feel especially confident that God will use me. I have “suited up”, I’ve studied the opponent, have learned the plays….C’mon God…put me in the game. Can’t you see I’m dying here? I can help “our side” win. Seriously, God, I’m ready…this is the big game…this is the one I’ve been waiting for. This pretty much sums up how I feel a lot of the time. I am waiting for the next big thing, that big opportunity to show God what I can do for Him. Sadly though, I am going through the agonizing process of learning this is not what God wants from me. As famed writer, Herni Nouwen says, “Waiting is not a very popular attitude. In fact, most people consider waiting a waste of time. Perhaps this is because the culture in which we live is basically saying, “Get going! Do something! Show you are able to make a difference! Don’t just sit there and wait!” For many people, waiting is an awful desert between where they are and where they want to go. And people do not like such a place. They want to get out of it by doing something. In our particular historical situation, waiting is even more difficult because we are so fearful. One of the most pervasive emotions in the atmosphere around us is fear. People are afraid—afraid of inner feelings, afraid of other people, and also afraid of the future. And fearful people have a hard time waiting”. I particularly do not like the waiting part and many times I do, in fact, feel like I am in that awful place between where I am and where I want to go. And for me my natural inclination is to help God along in “putting me into the game” by busying myself with trying to show God how ready I am. WRONG. Not what God wants at all. He made that clear in Luke 10:38-42, when it says, “As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Ah, it’s the age old dilemma…doing versus just being. I so long for God to use me and place me in situations where I can serve Him in extraordinary ways. I have always wanted God to use me to reach out to touch the lives of other people, to be of service for Him and for others in unimaginable ways , to be a useful and valued part of the Body of Christ. I am so busy looking for the big things I realize I quite often miss the small things. I have agonized and wrung my hands needlessly wondering why God just won’t use me for this thing or that. The truth hit me full on and it was that there is a significant difference between God’s desires and mine. Whoops… So, let’s see…God’s desires…not mine, be still and don’t busy myself with things of little importance… Hmmm and finally wait on God and don’t be fearful. WOW. I think these are challenges for all of us as these are the pressures that bear so heavily upon us in our daily lives. A daily prayer for us all is Psalms 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God…”. In that stillness we are reminded of the ever present voice speaking as it always has and always will. There is no need to fear the wait because this is what God wants and He tells us “blessed is he that waiteth”. So, I wait and I am learning that that’s ok.