insufficiency...

I went to see a friend today...at a funeral home. Suddenly, tragically and unexpectedly someone I knew was gone. In a blink of an eye...things changed for her husband...her son...her family...and many who knew her. I really do dislike immensely going to see people at funeral homes...I can say with complete certainty that every one that I have gone to has been surreal. I guess I would say it started with looking at my father lying in repose, in his dress Army uniform, when I was thirteen. It really was an occasion that birthed more questions than answers and that hasn't changed. That's funny...I just realized I wrote...questions were “birthed” at a death. See what I mean? How weird is that? But, it's true. I have as many questions now as I did then except I know a lot more of the standard pat answers we give to thirteen year old boys. Oddly enough, that is the age of her son. What can I say to him that makes any sense? Nothing...nada...zero...zilch...absolutely nothing. There is no sense to be made out of a thirteen year old losing a mom or a dad, right? There comes a big tear in the fabric of our lives that has been woven over time. Some have described it as a “hole in their heart” or in many other descriptive but insufficient ways. Everything will change...everything will be different...everything you know about the world changes. This is going to hurt...a lot. You will lose some innocence...I am touched by the biting sting of death of a loved one and I have a sour taste in my mouth. Everything you are or hope to be will have the faint taste of this loss on it. How do you explain that to a thirteen year old boy? Nobody even tried to for me...I kind of wish they had...