kicking and screaming...

I cannot lie...I really do like to get my way. I think it's something that got started long ago when I was a baby. The sad fact is it just gets worse as we get older. The funny thing is that we find all different ways to justify getting our way based on a variety of excuses. I think that's called rationalization. In other words, it's trying to find a good reason for something we know that is wrong. Over the years my reasons may have changed but the basic fact is that sometimes I, quite childishly, still want my way. It's simple, really...we see something that we want...we go after it. If we are successful then all's right with the world. However, if we are not...this is where the trouble begins. We go through everything in our bag of tricks. If none of the most benign things work then things become complicated. Then we ...sin. Yep...we have gotten so good at getting our way we can even rationalize breaking Gods laws to get our way. Of course, we don't really think of that as being sin, right? Even in the face of logic and overwhelming common sense...in the very presence of God...we still insist that we are right. I have thought a lot about what drives this urge in me and others. I think I've got it...one word...control. If I am always getting my way in everything I do then I am in perfect control and if not...well, we have a problem. This type of control is self defeating and ultimately strangling as we are unable to live apart from control and perfect order. The reality we know is... that world doesn't exist... but that doesn't stop us. The basic flaw in the supposition that I can create this so called perfect world is that I always know what is best for me and everyone else. This creates in us an arrogance and living with such a sense of entitlement that it leaves no room for God to wreck our lives. We become cynical and it is an inconvenience when God intervenes into our carefully planned day. This is why we desperately cling to things that are known and comfortable. We feel safe living out our ordinary life in the confines of a box we create. We, in effect, become prisoners to our prejudices and fears. Anything out of our realm of safety and sameness is scary and threatening to us. To become a disciple of Jesus and to follow Him it can only be one way...His way...the narrow way. To become His disciple there is a cost and a sacrifice that many of us are unwilling to bear. We want it our way most of the time and the way of Jesus a little. Sadly, that is not compatible with the kind of life that Jesus calls us to, as a follower. We want to live a half and half life. Uh...sorry, no good. I think Jesus is very clear here when He says to give up everything and follow. It doesn't mean to follow in a way that reflects that you are getting your way. No, it means to follow in totality and surrender and that is scary for many of us because that life is unpredictable and feels out of control. The actual danger of this type of living is that it adversely affects the development of our faith. Our faith cannot possibly be strengthened if we always get our way and believe it is with our efforts alone that good things happens. That only creates in us self reliance and that is a destroyer of faith. The other danger is that we try to get Jesus to do what we want Him to do in order to get our way. We reshape Jesus to fit our lives. We redefine Jesus to get Him to be compatible with our worldview and consequently diminish the importance of reflecting Him in all we do. I cannot be selfish and always desiring to get my way and attempt to be a witness to others of the transforming power of the gospel. It's called living a lie...being a phony...a hypocrite...or as Jesus said, “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, hypocrites that you are! You are like whitewashed tombs, which indeed look fair outside, while inside they are filled with dead men’s bones and all kinds of filth. It is the same with you. Outwardly, and to others, you have the look of religious men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and sin.” That's pretty strong. So many times I have heard from those who choose not to follow Christ that the church is phony and full of theses so called posers doing make pretend Christianity. I say... yeah, true...so what? My job or purpose is not to reform my or any other church. My decision to follow Jesus is based on a relationship with Him and to reflect, bring glory, and share His truth with the world in how I live that out. My attitude and actions should be a powerful witness to others....not only when I succeed but when I fail as well. It is no longer important for me to get my way anymore as I develop an understanding of walking with Jesus, being humble and serving others looks like. I become less and less important and I become not so egocentric. A baby is egocentric because as far as they know nothing exists beyond their very selves. A small child who throws themselves down on the floor at Walmart, having a fit, is learning the most primal theory of stimulus and response. If I cry and scream and make a big enough scene...I'll get my way. This actually works almost all the time because we give in and that reinforces the behavior. As we get older we just get more sophisticated and that is called manipulation. Some of us get very good at it...very good. If you have kids you have worked over at some point ...or soon will be. The problem occurs when you are so used to manipulating others, to get your way, you try it with God. I often just sit and imagine that He really gets a big hearty laugh at that one. I think it's a good thing that we can entertain God from time to time. I know that I have probably made Him laugh a lot...and still do...