thoughts on writing blogs...

Writing blogs is a funny thing. I have thought about it a lot here lately as I seem to be writing much more than I normally do. In a way it sometimes feels like I'm writing a random note and putting it in a bottle and tossing it into the sea. I know a lot of what I think and feel compelled to write about is not random at all. I know that when I minimize distraction as I have this last month, writing comes easy and I feel inclined to write more. For me to write it is not a polished and complicated process. I actually don't know if that is either good or bad. I do know some who write are very disciplined and have rituals and a process they employ when they write. My writing seems to emanate from a wispy thought that seems to come into my awareness at sometimes odd and inopportune times. Once I began to dwell on it it just expands and flows from there. Sometimes the words in my head are coming faster than I can write or type. When I go back and read those...uh...I usually have to rewrite and polish that one much. However the nugget is always there. The most peculiar things can trigger these micro essays. Things I experience...things other people say...thoughts...dreams and visions. I cannot speak for others but I have found when I fast I have amazing graphic and technicolor dreams. Writing is a mind exercise that I find both challenging and relaxing. I am not sure if I have written enough yet to have a distinct style. Some who read my blogs may disagree, I actually try not to think about it because then I will feel the pressure to create it...over and over. You know like Stephen King or John Grisham...both very genre specific. I have always kind of had this little fantasy about writing a book. I have joked with many friends that I am going to write a book. Who knows? One thing I do know is that just sitting down and pouring out words on paper seems to be the easy part but there is much more involved. There is a science and a business behind every book you see for sale at Barnes & Nobel. I also know there are a lot of failures and what originally sounded like a good idea ends up at Goodwill selling for 25 cents. Writing, whether a book or a blog presupposes the idea that you have something interesting or worthwhile to say. But, if you have read any amount of blogs or self published books you find anything but that. It also is a little egotistical in that you feel like what you are writing is important...witty...relevant...or any other description you can add. You want people to read your words and have some sort of reaction. You want to be validated as as a writer and seek some type of approval from your readers. It's like the basic premise of most social media...you want readers...followers...an audience. It is rewarding as a writer of anything to know that your words...no matter how constructed...can affect those reading them. I am pretty sure it is safe to say that my writing lacks a degree of sophistication and style aimed at eliciting a specific response from readers. I think my thoughts are pretty raw...free flowing...and rambling at times but are always written from the heart. There is a feel when this happens because the writing takes a very conversational tone in my head and I think that makes it to the paper. I guess if I do actually have a goal when I write it is to just hear me speaking to you as you read. That actually is a pretty funny mental image as probably most of you don't know me or how I sound. So, use your imagination. I find the very act of creating something written just as satisfying as if I completed a painting. Both are really a visual exercise to me as I see the random thoughts and words coming together to complete a picture. I really laugh sometimes when my wife and I visit museums or art galleries and I look at some modern abstract art. I always say the same thing...”Heck, I could do that”. But, could I ? Probably not...I may come close but I can assure you that my artistic skills would very much pale in comparison. I think there is this inner creative urge in all of us and this can take many paths of expression. Writing is no different. Some people write fiction...poetry...news stories...plays. I think you get the point. There is an outlet available for us all to achieve our highest degree of artistic expression. I have a really good friend who is a writer and a gifted creative thinker. In addition to books and other writing projects he writes a blog of his thoughts on a variety of things. On one of his recent blogs, I was particularly struck and moved deeply by something he wrote. He said, “As a creator, you are a teacher, a role model, you are setting the moral compass of every person who interacts with your work”. that's just a little pressure..."setting the moral compass of every person that interacts with your work"...that's a really big statement. I guess that is what I hope to do sometimes but it seems a little too self assured for someone like me...I infrequently get a comment or two on my blog about things I say...or how I say them...certain things seem to resonate with certain people. I think those people are those who have been through some stuff...are going through some stuff...had some heartbreak. There is a relationship and a connection on a deeper level. I feel sometimes like I write naked...no, not literally...I just put it out there in a raw unpolished way. That is pretty scary sometimes as the thought occurs to me that maybe I am sharing too much in a too personal way. Then I become more analytical than I way to be and edit too much. I then become obsessed with crafting the process too much and for me it loses something in that process. I think the spontaneity and unpredictability is what works best for me. No matter if I ever become a published writer or not...that's one thing I hope never does change...something tells me it won't.

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.                                                                                                                     ~e.e. cummings